A newsletter by
and for Caron
Renaissance
families
W
e’d like to thank everyone who viewed our first issue of The Family Voice. Our first
email newsletter was well-received and far exceeded our expectations as well as the
email average for subscribers
opening and reading an e-newsletter.
We believe this edition is even better
and hope to continue to hear from you
with comments and submissions of
inspiration.
Summer 2012 Issue
Page 2
A Message From a
Family Member
Page 3
A Message From an Alumnus
Page 4
We are so grateful for your ongoing
support and delighted to hear that so
many Caron Renaissance families are
continuing in their journey of recovery.
Alumni and Family Highlights:
Letters about Life after Caron
Renaissance
With gratitude,
Page 5
Mary, Yasmin and the team at
Caron Renaissance
Alumni Achievements
Page 6
Best advice given to me by my
Caron Renaissance therapist…
Caron Renaissance Events,
News and Updates
• “ … to trust my gut feeling and if my gut is telling me that I’m not sure about how to
Caron Renaissance
Grant Challenge; Program at
a Glance: Caron Renaissance
Vocational Program
Page 7
respond to my qualifier (loved one), then I should tell him that I need time to think
things over and get back to him. Before I get back to him, I should call my supports.
That stays with me always and I use it in any situation that becomes uncomfortable.” – A.K.
• “ …to take care of myself. In retrospect, I am so thankful for the pushes to find an
Al-Anon group, get a sponsor and my own therapist. I don’t know where I would be
today if I hadn’t done that!” – J.L.
• “ Get the focus off the addict and take care of ME! Get to a meeting, be kind to your
husband…It took a long time for me to do this because the focus had been on the
addict for 15 years…”– J.R.
• “Take care of me and go to Families Anonymous!” – J.M.
Page 8
Submissions from the Heart
Pages 9-10
A Father’s Story: Face to Face
with Addiction
Page 11
Caron Fellowship and Parent
Support Groups
A Message from a Family Member:
Miracles Happen!
I have learned so much through this journey. I thought
I knew all about the pain, fear and despair of loving an
alcoholic since I grew up with a brother who suffered from this
horrible disease. I did not have a clue!
My son, Michael, began drinking in high school. We had no
idea of the severity of his drinking until he was a freshman
in college. Michael lost his keys, wallet and ID his first night
away at school after a night of heavy drinking. He transferred
for the spring semester to a school about two hours away.
On St. Patrick’s Day, Michael fell three stories off a deck after
another night of drinking. He ended up in the ICU on a
ventilator and in restraints. It was the most terrifying time
of our lives. He survived by some miracle but continued to
drink. June 7th of that year, Michael was again in the hospital
with a blood alcohol level four times the legal limit. We knew
he needed help!
Michael arrived at Caron Pennsylvania on June 14th and our
family’s recovery began. The therapists began the long process
of helping all of us to heal. We never realized how sick our
family was. Our denial of alcoholism and ignorance of
codependency and enabling was totally controlling
our lives. Our denial continued until the start of the Family
Education Program at Caron Pennsylvania. There, we learned
that the long road to recovery was not only for Michael, but all
of us. Thankfully, we were aware that we needed the guidance
and support of
the therapists.
We trusted them
completely and
followed their
treatment plan
no matter how
difficult it was at
times.
That July,
Michael arrived
at Caron
Renaissance.
We were blessed
with two gifted
therapists
who were
compassionate
and tough.
They were firm
and helped us
to work our
program and
allow Michael
the dignity to
2
Summer 2012
?
DID YOU KNOW
Every family member is provided a family
buddy at the start of treatment
and over 500 family members
are paritcipating in the Family
Buddy Program nationwide?
work his. Prior to our family workshop in Florida, through our
phone sessions with our therapist, we were forced to face our
own behaviors in order to be the family we needed to be. We
learned to have a healthy adult relationship with our
son and our two other children.
Many miracles occurred through this hard, painful work. I
was forced to take a look at my own drinking, which had
been an issue with my family for years. I knew I had to finally
admit my own disease and work my own program if I was
going to live and have any hope of a healthy relationship
with my family, especially Michael. The guidance and
encouragement I received from the staff at Caron
Renaissance saved my life. They helped me to overcome
my fear and shame, start therapy and become involved in AA.
I will never be able to properly express my gratitude to my son,
who by example, honesty and courage, saved my life with the
help of therapists, Brad and Jen.
It has been almost eleven months since Michael’s
last drink and eight since mine. It is amazing how
much our lives have changed! Sobriety and recovery have
been the greatest gift to all of us. No, we are not on cloud
nine everyday. Who is? We are living life on life’s terms with
honesty, dignity and love. Michael is in a halfway house in
Delray Beach, FL. He is working his program, has a full-time
job, attends meetings and works the Steps. He is a man of
integrity. We could not be prouder of him, and his brother and
sister. Our relationships are better, healthier and more loving
than ever. Our gratitude to Caron Renaissance goes beyond
words. Miracles happen! Look at us. Take the advice,
guidance and tough love, and trust the process! It
works when you work it.
Thank you Caron Renaissance. You have showed us that living
in fear and denial is no life. You showed us the way, one day at
a time.
- Mary Pat and her husband remain grateful recovering
family members, and along with their son, remain active
alumni supporters for others in recovery.
A Message from an Alumnus: Family Workshop begins the
process of healing
Nervous laughter slices through the palpable tension in
the van as patients approach the Caron Renaissance offices
for the Family Workshop experience. The words “Family
Workshop” have, by this point, become an integral and
terror-inspiring part of the patient lexicon. Sober supports,
sponsors and other alumni, having already walked through
the fire, advise patients to “hope for the best and prepare for
the worst - and neither will happen.” These words do little
to assuage the fear that grips the patient population during
Family Week.
The reality of the Family Workshop differs markedly from
many patients’ anxiety-riddled expectations. The experience
is uncomfortable and, at times, confrontational. Tensions
do run high. Families and patients, guided by their family
therapists, delve into unchartered territory discussing
uncomfortable topics that, in many cases, have been
swept under the rug. Addiction thrives in darkness
and secrecy. The Family Workshop experience begins
the process of healing and recovery for both patients and
families.
Addiction is a systemic disease. It spreads throughout
family systems, affecting nearly all who come into contact with
an active addict. My life is a perfect example. My years of use
twisted and perverted my once healthy relationship with my
parents. Boundaries were crossed slowly, almost imperceptibly.
Sickness slowly became the norm. Paying off drug dealers to
retrieve my watch that I’d used as collateral after the money ran
out became a commonplace activity. My parents would follow
me to my using haunts. They phoned car service companies to
track my whereabouts. They’d lie on my behalf. They’d stake
out crack houses hoping, in vain, to extract and save me. They
feared for my life and rightly so. Their health, livelihood
and reputations were affected by my insanity. Their
intentions were noble, but they were suffering from the
delusion that they could save someone hell-bent on selfdestruction.
Life today is vastly different, thanks in large part to Caron
Renaissance’s family program. Both my parents and I are
heavily involved in 12-Step recovery programs. My parents
have a large support network of professionals and other
families affected by addiction.
They sleep easily now. They know that they didn’t cause
my problems and that they never had the power to
solve them. My parasitic financial relationship with my
parents has been cleanly severed and we are all better for it.
For the first time in my life, I’m a fully self-sufficient
adult.
My family and I continue to abide by the recommendations
made by Caron Renaissance. We limit our communication
to a healthy level. We don’t interfere in or try to manage each
other’s lives. Their serenity is no longer tethered to mine. The
work continues, but things are better than any of us could’ve
imagined. As promised, we have a life and relationship beyond
our wildest dreams, thanks largely to our Family Workshop
experience.
- James N. continues to live a sober adult lifestyle in the
Boca Raton, FL area, working and remaining as an active
alumni supporter to others.
?
DID YOU KNOW
The Caron Renaissance
Residential Family
Restructuring Program
served 108 family members
in 2011?
Favorite Quotes and Inspirational Messages
• Dear
Optimist, Pessimist & Realist,
While you guys were arguing over the glass of water, I drank it!
Sincerely,
The Opportunist
• Keep coming back. It works if you work it! – J. R.
• Say what you mean, mean what you say, and don’t say it mean. – A.K.
• There are no coincidences. Everything happens for a reason! – J. M.
Summer 2012
3
Alumni and Family Highlights
Letters about Life after Caron Renaissance
Now I have a full understanding of why I needed two
Just about a year ago today, I was in Florida for family
weeks for Residential Family Restructuring. First,
you need to recognize your mistakes/weaknesses.
Second, you need to work on your shame and guilt.
Third, you need to start focusing on yourself for
your happiness/life and detaching yourself from
the patient. This will ultimately help the patient’s
recovery. Now, I feel I don’t have any “unfinished
business” with my son. I have moved on to have a
great life with my husband, who deserves a loving /
caring wife. - N.W.
therapy at Renaissance. At that time, I had applied to
master’s programs for psychology and was anxiously
waiting to hear back. Now one year later, I’m about a
quarter of the way through my master’s program for
Marriage and Family Therapy. I can’t believe it most
days. My qualifier, my younger brother, is still in
Florida working hard and going to electrical school at
night. We have a healthy relationship and I feel truly
blessed to call him my brother. – J.L.
My marriage couldn’t be better.
We can go on
vacation and actually enjoy ourselves, and not have
that worry in the back of our minds what emergency
is going to come up. My son is going to have 20
months of sobriety under his belt this month. He still
lives in Florida, and is happy and doing a lot with his
life; still very involved in his own program. Bob and
I have found a wonderful Nar-Anon group that we
continue to go to weekly. Bob and our son probably
have the best relationship they ever had; they talk and
email a lot. I will begin to speak at the YAMP Family
Program this week and whenever else there are
openings to do so. – J.R.
Since attending Family Restructuring last October, I
have enrolled in Life Coach Training in Lenox, MA. It
is a six-month training and I am very excited about it!
One of my dreams is to offer life coaching to families
and patients who have walked the path of addiction
and are searching for tools to find their own path of
joy and purpose. I want to say that if I had not been
given this opportunity to do my own recovery from
codependency and inner-child work, I would not have
the courage and belief in myself to pursue this. Thank
you, Caron Renaissance. – S.B.
My daughter is doing so well. She likes her job
and has a wonderful attitude. She has a very good
sponsor, who is helping her so much. My family has
been blessed that we were able to have the wonderful
people at Caron Renaissance to help us all in the
most distressing, heartbreaking time of my life. I will
be forever grateful. – S.C.
4
Summer 2012
I continue my work in taking care of me, and hoping
my addict does the same. When I find serenity I
enjoy it. - J.M.
Since attending the Family Workshop at Caron
Renaissance, I also attended Family Restructuring,
which I found helpful in a very practical way. When
I returned home from Restructuring, I continued
attending my Al-Anon meetings weekly and then
began attending weekly Families Anonymous
(FA) meetings. I speak to my supports whenever
necessary but at least weekly (in addition to my
meetings). I started working my Steps in a workbook
given to me through FA and I read the FA Red Book,
Today a Better Way. I visited my son after not having
seen him for over four months, nor seeing him for
any holidays. That was the best experience I’ve had
with him in forever. Last year, I would have never
thought that we would be in this wonderful position –
emotionally, socially, physically and spiritually. It was
a true test of how we will interact with each other and
practice what each of us has learned. – A.K.
We want to hear from you!
Please send your updates
about Life after Caron Renaissance
to [email protected]
Alumni Achievements
College Bound Program at Caron Renaissance
Congratulations to the following on recent college acceptances:
• M.L. - Vanderbilt University
• M.M. - Florida Atlantic University
• P.S. - Pace University
• P.D. - Florida Atlantic University
• J.S. - Columbia University
• M.S - Florida Atlantic University Graduate
School of Education
• C.G. - Florida Atlantic University
• J.L. - Florida Atlantic University
• M.S. - Florida Atlantic University School of
Social Work
• M.S. - Florida Atlantic University
And special congratulations to the following:
• S.H. - t he first College Bound Program graduate
for completing her first sober year at Sarah
Lawrence College
• F.B. - c ompleted his first sober year at Palm Beach
State College and now awaits word of
acceptance to the University of Miami
• G.H. - on his 2012 graduation from Rutgers
University
• E.K. - on receiving his Master’s of Real Estate
Development at the University of Miami
Vocational Program at Caron Renaissance
Congratulations to the following on recent employment successes:
• C.C. was hired as a full-time Office Clerk at a
medical clinic.
• C.S. was hired as a full-time Administrative
Assistant at a local air-conditioning company.
• E.K. was hired as a Director of Business
Development at a trauma treatment center.
• M.E. was hired as Director of Music at a church.
• E.Q. was hired as a full-time Sales-Producer at an
insurance agency.
• E.M. was hired as a full-time Receptionist/Legal
Assistant in a law office.
• S.S. was promoted to full-time Assistant Manager
at a local mall.
• Z.C. was hired as Director of Music at a church.
• J.F. was promoted to Director of Internet Sales at a
local car dealership.
Congratulations and the best to all of you!
Summer 2012
5
?
Caron Renaissance Events, News and Updates
Women’s Spiritual Retreat
Every woman is somebody’s sister, mother, wife or daughter,
so to find our spiritual connection through recovery is a
powerful tool for anyone trying to grow along spiritual lines.
On Saturday, April 21st, Caron Renaissance hosted our very
first Spirituality Retreat for Women at Unity Church in Delray
Beach, FL.
The Alumni
Gratitude
Dinner is scheduled for
DID YOU KNOW
Over 300 alumni, patients and
family members attended
November 8, 2012 at the
Marriott Delray Beach the 2011 Gratitude Dinner?
please save the date! All
families and alumni are
invited every year to share
the spirit of Thanksgiving with the Caron Renaissance staff
for a unique and memorable dinner reception. The Caron
Renaissance Alumni Gratitude dinner has evolved into the
longest-standing tradition at Caron Renaissance and a favorite
among alumni, family and friends. We hope to see you there!
Event details and registration information will be posted online
at: www.CaronRenaissance.org/alumni/events.
There were 60 alumni, families and patients who participated
in this special day where the focus was around women and
how their recovery relates to the mind, body and spirit.
Activities centered around the following:
Mind = Spiritually-focused lecture by Laurie Durgan and a
silent Soul Collage
Body = Yoga and a nutritious lunch
Spirit = Meditation and Angel Wash
Most of the day took place in the main chapel, which was
beautifully adorned with candles, flowers and incense to create
a very warm and peaceful environment. Laurie Durgan did
an incredible job facilitating the day. Her energy as a spiritual
woman in recovery not only set the tone for the event, but
alumni said listening to her speak in the morning was one of
their favorite parts. Participants also enjoyed the Soul Collage
and yoga.
Please contact Yasmin at [email protected] if
you are interested in taking part in future retreats.
Caron Renaissance Offers Regional
Recharge Events for Alumni, Family
and Friends
What is a Regional Recharge Event?
Recovery doesn’t end when you leave Caron Renaissance, so
we are bringing the groups to you! Two Caron Renaissance
therapists will come to your area and facilitate a day long
event, including groups and a delicious lunch. Your
experience at Caron Renaissance is the common thread that
ties all families and alumni together and provides a strong
commitment to recovery.
The Caron Renaissance fellowship is all around the
country! Whether you would like to reconnect with Caron
Renaissance, or simply network with other alumni in your
area, your connection to Caron Renaissance and others like
you offers valuable support in your fight against the disease of
addiction.
Stay tuned for upcoming dates and locations for Regional
Recharge events. Please contact Yasmin for more details at
[email protected].
6
Summer 2012
Caron Renaissance Challenge Grant
$100,000
Knowing that family participation in treatment is critical to the recovery of every family member,
we have made it our goal to eliminate financial barriers that may prevent families from accessing
treatment.
On April 1st, Caron Renaissance received
a $100,000 challenge grant from a family
foundation. The grant runs until September 30th,
2012. This endowment will be the first for Caron
DID YOU KNOW
Renaissance and will allow us to build a program
to help families afford family treatment now and
In 2011, $13.3 million in scholarships
were provided to patients/families
in the future. In our first month, we have received
who needed help with treatment costs.
$37,000 in donations towards this objective.
?
$37,000
If you wish to help us meet our goal,
contact Gary Hestness at 561-241-7977.
PROGRAM AT A GLANCE…
The Caron Renaissance Vocational Program
“Sobriety, as opposed to abstinence, is an adult undertaking.”
- Position IV, Road Map to Recovery
There is no recovery without responsibility for
self-care, and there is no joy in recovery without
experiencing one’s own competency.
The Caron Renaissance Vocational Program offers
patients practical skills to re-enter the working
world including resumé building, interview skills
and planning. More importantly, the Vocational
Program allows patients to experience the very real
stressors of the daily world. Patients gain insight
into their relapse process and make new choices,
ones which lead away from dependent roles, and
move to self-care and managing feelings without the
need for chemicals.
I have observed the role of the family as crucial at
this time. Some patients struggle, reverting to poor
copings skills, regressing in behavior and waiting
for others to step in and rescue or problem solve.
Patients whose family members have learned to
respect their loved ones as adults will experience
their competencies and the consequences of choice,
and will work through this phase successfully,
feeling better about themselves and invested in
recovery. Patients whose family members let their
anxieties interfere with the process will have more
problems.
My message to families is to remember that you
didn’t cause addiction, but your responses to your
loved one can trigger relapse. Let’s work together
in believing in him/her. Give them the gift of
detachment and watch to see what happens!
?
- Vicki Stanbury,
Caron Renaissance Vocational Therapist
DID YOU KNOW
On average, Caron Renaissance patients
in the vocational program
are securing employment within
4-6 weeks?
Summer 2012
7
?
Submissions From The Heart
CARON RENAISSANCE 101 – What I Learned - B.W. (mother)
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
8
To understand what it really means when Caron
Renaissance says: The patient is the family and the
family is the patient. To that end, everyone in the
family “enables” and “accommodates” in some way
or another. A parent of a perspective patient needs
to expect to break down barriers and accept that
certain destructive familial patterns need changing.
This will be done through some tough phone calls ,
written assignments, and highlighted by a grueling and
potentially life changing three day family workshop.
T
o effect change, one MUST be cut off from the loved
one for a certain period of time. This is a positive
and necessary move. In doing so, the therapists can
work with parents and family members and together
identify dysfunctional issues and intergenerational
patterns. Not being allowed to communicate with a
loved one, unless initiated by them via regular letter
writing, allows the parent to obtain an impartial vision
of themselves and identify the enabler-dependent
relationship within the family.
I ‘ve learned to refocus on myself. Having a son or
daughter in treatment is not “easy” and shouldn’t be.
It seems a strange paradox that standing up for myself
and meeting my own needs has actually enhanced
my son’s life, but breaking the “dependent” spell
requires understanding the difference between healthy
defending/protecting and unhealthy rescuing and
enabling.
The treatment process is extremely difficult because
during the son/daughter’s active addictions, the
line between acceptable and unacceptable behavior
becomes completely blurred. I lost myself while my
son was in the active addiction phase. For example, I
gained over ten pounds last year during my son’s active
addiction phase. Establishing new boundaries is a
difficult and necessary process.
I’ve learned from Caron Renaissance the importance
for a parent to implement new rules and boundaries.
For example, I no longer accept my son’s “crisis” calls
at all hours of the day/night and actually go to the gym
to fulfill my commitment to my health and well being.
I understand that I did not cause my son’s addictions,
and I have identified enabling behaviors. This is the
process of identifying what behaviors we were doing to
keep the status quo. I was initially very concerned about
some of the negative blogs circulating the Web which
say that Caron screams and yells at the family. The
therapists give firm messages, but I wasn’t yelled at or
verbally abused.
Summer 2012
DID YOU KNOW
7.
I learned
8.
“Scripts, language and jargon”-- yes, these are an
9.
Family members can come for Family
that
Restructuring even if the patient
financially
is not yet in treatment?
supporting
my son to the
extent that
I was doing
was an example of unhealthy rescuing. To that end,
I really value how each Caron patient must maintain
a budget and be responsible for buying and feeding
oneself etc. This does not take place in many other
rehab centers. Through family therapy assignments,
my husband and I wrote down similar short-term and
long-term action plans, which define consequences
for our son so that he may continue his journey of
independence.
important part of Caron Renaissance and family
therapy. They sound like a foreign language at first. For
example, phrases such as “Earn before you receive,”
“You can figure it out,” “Don’t settle for crumbs”—these
are verbal shortcuts that actually have enhanced our
family dialogue. Embrace them and the words turn to
action.
I learned what events in my “family of origin”
(family history) made it difficult for me to allow
our son to struggle and enabled him to avoid adult
responsibilities. I understand how the codependency
relationship was formed and what it takes to create
a healthier dynamic in which he experiences the full
weight of the natural consequences of his addictions.
10. I have learned many valuable lessons, one which is
basic and yet so powerful: Addiction isn’t prejudiced
in any manner. It doesn’t matter what religious,
socioeconomic or educational background you have,
or whether, as in our case, you come from a loving and
positive family. What has happened to us can happen
to anyone.
Where do we stand as of now?
Today, my son is coming from a more humble, less entitled
and gracious presence. Treatment enabled us to become
acutely aware of how to redirect our thoughts, patterns,
behaviors and coping mechanisms in order to develop a
healthier relationship with our son. Although he has a long
journey ahead of him, I do believe Caron Renaissance has
given our son and our family the basic tools for the next step
of this journey.
- B.W. is an active Family Buddy and both she and her
son remain active in their support as Caron Renaissance
alumni.
A Father’s Story: Face To Face With Addiction
The following article was written by Jim M., father of an alumnus, and was published in the December 2011 issue of
“12-Step Rag,” the bimonthly newsletter of the Families Anonymous (FA) Fellowship.
I’ve had addiction in my life most of my life. I’ve heard it, seen
it, and yes, even met it face to face once.
I was in a family group last year in Palm Springs, California
and was asked to go into the center circle and address
addiction as I understand it and ask it questions or tell it the
way I feel. I began by telling addiction that I have known it
all my life. That it probably came over to America with my
ancestors on a ship from Ireland a long time ago and has been
with me at some level ever since.
I first heard addiction as a young boy lying in my bed at night
as my alcoholic father verbally abused my mother and older
siblings. I heard my mother’s futile efforts to get my father to
stop drinking and to recognize what it was doing to our
family. These sounds later turned to sights as I began to
watch these addictive behaviors wreak havoc on most of
our family and lay the groundwork for the dysfunction
and turmoil that would become the dynamic of our family
today.
that kind of life. There is much to debate about disease and the
choice to use, but there is no debate that addiction exists.
It’s real.
My son was really trying to hide his using. We saw the signs
everywhere. He was disappearing all the time, stepping back
into his lonely world. I was testing him every day at one point,
trying to get past his crucial court date to keep disaster from
striking. All of the talking, his younger siblings wanting to
be with him, his stepmother’s broken heart, didn’t matter. I
caught him cheating while taking his urine test and that was it.
Five hours later, we were at the airport heading to Minnesota.
On our way to the airport, Jay was very emotional and I was
I watched as my siblings began their journey into addiction.
I watched as my older brother, whom I idolized and wanted
to emulate, turn into an addict, which took all of that
away. I watched my mother’s eyes as I walked her up to his
casket and listened to her pour her heart out to God asking,
“Why?”
I watched addiction take the life out of my wife’s brother’s
lungs and saw him die holding her hand, his body riddled
with lesions and disease. His picture is on our team’s
T-shirts at the AIDS walk each year.
Even after seeing and hearing all I have about this disease, I
didn’t see it coming again to place its grip on my own children
until it was too late. Once I found myself pitted against it
again, the fight was on. In the past, it always ended the same
way: My loved one would die. I wasn’t going to let that
happen again!
I heard some FA members having a conversation once about
addiction and debating if it’s really a disease or not, and what
underlying pathology leads someone to actually choose to lead
really upset. There was just nothing to say. This was the fourth
time in 18 months I was driving him to rehab. I wasn’t ready
to be separated again from my only son. Why can’t he just
be like everyone else’s son? Everyone I would talk to at work
and my friends, their sons are doing great; working hard and
traveling. Yet, here I am going off to rehab again.
This time though, the unexpected happened. Jay and I got in
the car for the drive to the airport, but we weren’t alone. I was
about to come face to face with my son’s “addiction” and the
invisible demon that was trying to destroy my life.
continued on page 10
Summer 2012
9
A Father’s Story: Face To Face With Addiction continued from page 9
We were getting closer to the airport and you could hear a pin
drop. His beautiful brown eyes that, for so many years, were
full of spirit and clarity, were satin black and soulless. I looked
over at him and all I could see was his dark silhouette, and he
looked so grim and cold. He was stiff and rigid; his scarf was so
tight around his neck that it looked like a serpent was choking
him. He was crying and making sounds. It reminded me of the
way he sounded when he was three years old. The way he said
the word “Dad” and those sobs as I held his hand in mine...
it felt small and weak like a little kid’s hand. His addiction
was taking him over physically and trying to trick me into
feeling sorry for him by making me want to help the little boy
I helped so many times through all of his doubts and fears as a
child.
gate he looked back and mouthed, “I love you, Dad.”
For as long as I live, I will look at addiction as I never did
before. I will argue its existence as a disease, and I will fear
its power. I realize that addiction can’t be beaten; you must
respect it, put it in its place, but always be conscious of it.
It will always be there, and I know it exists, I saw it. I have
several large binders which represent the burden I put on me
and my wife in my attempt to battle my children’s addiction
for them. They represent all levels of the disease and my efforts
to control its outcome. Legal, medical, scientific, treatment
modalities, physiological, it’s all there.
Logistically, I went everywhere in my efforts to find the answer.
I traveled thousands of miles but to no avail. I finally reached
the point where I was lost. I began to lose hope. I prayed for
them every minute of the day. I even tried to manage God to
help them. I was insane!
Then one day, after months and months of our family therapist
telling me, “You need to get help. Go to a meeting ... go get
help for yourself,” I walked through the doors of my first
Families Anonymous meeting. It was March 11th, 2011. I
was greeted by Tom, who gave me a big handshake and said,
“Welcome. We’re glad you’re here.”
The air in the car grew cold, and I was so close to addiction I
could smell it. My mind raced thinking of my years around
it, my brothers that it had taken, my son it had in its grip. I
realized that it is a living demon that has a mind of its own.
As we got closer to the airport, the realization came over Jay
that he was not going back home and his cries were not being
heard. He was only hours away from getting sober. I saw his
inner spirit come through and in a matter of minutes, he went
from what I just described to a smiling face and I saw him let
it go right there. I saw him surrender. As he walked into the
From that moment, my life has changed. I made the decision
to turn my will and my life over to the care of my higher
power, St. Anthony. Since that day, I have accepted and
practiced the 12 Steps of Families Anonymous, and I found
something out: While I have always been powerless controlling
my father’s abuse, my brother’s addiction, my wife’s brother’s
choices and those of my son and daughter, I am not powerless
to control what I do. I can fight this disease. I can stop it
from controlling what I do and what happens to me, and I’m
winning that fight.
After completing treatment at Caron Renaissance in 2011,
Jim’s son continues on his sober path and Jim continues to be
an active alumni family member.
If you wish to contribute an inspirational message, alumni news or
any uplifting message to “The Family Voice,” contact
Yasmin Dovas at [email protected]., or
Mary Davis at [email protected].
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Summer 2012
Caron Fellowship Groups
Caron Fellowship Groups are similar to 12-Step meetings in that Caron alumni and families meet to support their
ongoing recovery using an agreed-upon meeting format. There is no charge to attend these meetings. Below are lists of
ongoing Fellowship Groups. More detailed information about each group is listed online at www.Caron.org.
Please check website at www.Caron.org for times and locations as they are subject to change.
Caron Fellowship Groups
Berks County, PA
2nd Tuesday of each month
Long Island, NY
4th Tuesday of each month
Bethesda, MD
1st Thursday of each month
New York, NY
3rd Wednesday of each month
Boston, MA
2nd Wednesday of each month
Philadelphia, PA
3rd Wednesday of each month
Dallas, TX
3rd Tuesday of each month
Summit, NJ
1st Tuesday of each month
Falls Church, VA
4th Thursday of each month
Trumbull, CT
2nd Wednesday of each month
Finger Lakes Area, NY
3rd Saturday of each month
Washington, D.C.
2nd Thursday of each month
Henderson, KY
1st Thursday of each month
Westchester, NY
3rd Thursday of each month
If you need support and would like to talk to alumni of Caron Renaissance,
please contact Yasmin Dovas at [email protected].
Summer 2012
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Caron Parent Support Groups
Parent Support Groups are designed to give parents, whose children have been impacted by addiction, a place to find
support and encouragement. Below is a list of ongoing Parent Support Groups. More detailed information about each
group is listed online at www.Caron.org under the Alumni tab.
Please check website at www.Caron.org for times and locations as they are subject to change.
Parent Groups
Bergen County, NJ
2nd and 4th Tuesday of each month
Reading, PA
2nd and 4th Sunday of each month
Boston, MA
1st Monday of each month
Marlton, NJ
2nd and 4th Tuesday of each month
Falls Church, VA
4th Thursday of each month
Trumbull, CT
2nd Wednesday of each month
Lehigh Valley, PA
Every Thursday
West Chester, PA
Every Tuesday; Newcomers Meeting
every Monday
Limerick, PA
Every Wednesday
Long Island, NY
Every Monday
Plymouth Meeting, PA
Every Monday; Newcomers Meeting
every Thursday
West Palm Beach, FL
Every Monday
Washington, D.C.
1st and 3rd Tuesday of each month
If you need support and would like to talk to parents who have “been there,”
please contact Yasmin Dovas at [email protected].
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Summer 2012