UPWORDS
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One Shift
Changing perspective at the Eastside Family Centre
It’s too bad children don’t come with a handbook.
My son, Jacob, is 12 years old and was always the easiest
child. He never really had the ‘terrible twos’, his big sister
adored him from the start, and he was every inch the proud
and loving big brother when his little sister came along.
He’s a bright, smart kid, he’s always had lots of friends and
has loved playing soccer since kindergarten.
But then, last spring, something changed. Jacob started
scowling all the time, and not doing his homework. He
wouldn’t spend time with his sisters, and often had a
stomach ache when it was time to go to soccer practice.
His teacher called in May and asked us come and talk to
her because she was so worried about him. He had been
snapping at the other kids and storming out of the class.
The teacher helped us set up an appointment with the
guidance counsellor – but
Jacob didn’t show up. I looked
up everything I could think of
on the internet and we tried
some of the suggestions –
being patient, carving out more
family time, going for a drive
and trying to talk when there
wasn't so much pressure – but
nothing worked. I even took a
Parenting Teens program, but
Jacob was just so angry, all the
time, and he always answered
our questions with “There’s
nothing WRONG!” and
then spent hours in his
room, alone.
Over the summer, we
went to my in-laws
farm in central Alberta
for a couple of weeks
like we do every year.
Volume 1 | Issue 3 | Fall 2016
We all had a great time – even Jacob! He was back to his
old self again – happy, making up games to play with his
sisters, helping his grandfather with chores – we were so
relieved. The rest of the summer was nice too and the kids
got to spend lots of time outside playing soccer and just
hanging out. My husband and I let out a collective sigh of
relief and looked forward to the new school year.
And then it all started all over again.
Jacob was back to scowling all the time, and now he was
being mean to his sisters, and talking back to the teachers
– all within the first couple of weeks of school! I had to
leave work twice to go and pick him up, and our house
was becoming a battleground. It felt like he was acting out
on purpose, just to get a rise out of whoever was around.
What happened to my easy, sweet boy?
We were desperate to find a solution – Jacob’s attitude
and behaviour was affecting everyone in our family. My
manager was not impressed with the number of phone
calls I was getting at work, the girls were often clingy and
didn’t want to be alone, and my husband started snapping
back at Jacob in a tone I had never heard before.
One day at work I was online and saw an ad for Eastside
Family Centre – it was free, we didn’t need an appointment,
See “One Shift”, Page 2
One
From Foundation Board Chair, Robert Hayes
This issue of UPWords revolves around the common
theme of "One". As a Board Member, thinking about "One"
resonates for me in all the ways one individual can step up
and help our Wood’s Homes community. While perhaps
it’s somewhat of a cliché, giving back really does start with
one person deciding to somehow make a difference. There
are many ways to start: ask a question, volunteer, join a
committee, make a donation, or simply tell someone about
the work we do. No matter how big or small, that one first
step will have an exponentially positive impact on many
others in need, and on our community as a whole.
One Shift
Continued from Page 1
and it said they worked with families. I convinced my
husband to try one more time and we goaded Jacob into
coming with us. By the time we got into the meeting room
with Joni, the counsellor, I was in tears. The first thing my
husband said to her was, “This has got to stop. We need to
fix this. Now.” And Jacob was just trying to disappear into
the chair.
Joni asked Jacob to try an experiment, since he likes
science so much. She told him to try a couple of ideas, and
record his observations about how they worked. They
were simple things, like taking deep breaths and writing
positive self-talk statements where he could see them in
the morning. She suggested that he might even want to
‘experiment’ with meditation.
Joni just listened for the longest time and the first thing she
said was, “You’ve done everything right”, which sounded
crazy to me! Then she said:
Jacob also likes to play video games to relax, so Joni
suggested that maybe he could play with his dad and chat
with him about what was going on at school while they
played. She also thought he might talk to his big sister
about her time in middle school. Then Jacob said maybe
his younger sister could also help – they always had
fun making up stories and writing plays together - Joni
thought that would be a wonderful way to de-stress! Jacob
said I could help him stay calm in the morning, to be in the
right frame of mind before he got on the bus.
“You’ve done everything you know to do as a parent. You
have asked questions, and tried different approaches, and
talked to others who might help. But this is beyond what
you know, now. You’re in the right place – we work with
many, many families who have had similar experiences
and we can help.”
Right away, that made me feel better – I thought, “She’s
done this before, she’ll know what to do!”
We talked a bit more, and Jacob even told her about how
he’s nervous about taking the bus to his new school. He
used to walk with his buddies, but now he needs to ride
for about 25 minutes each way, and he doesn’t really like it.
Joni asked him lots of questions about school, his friends,
and his new teachers – and what his favourite subject is.
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She told him that often there’s not one big
thing, but a change in many little things
that can put us under a lot of stress and
make us anxious and worried. Middle
school has lots of newness
and tons of kids find it a
big adjustment. For many
boys, feeling this way ends
up coming out as anger
and frustration.
Suddenly, a light went on for me. Jacob wasn’t a kid to be
fixed. He’d been suffering through all these confusing
emotions and didn’t know how to cope. It had been
impossible for me to see, but he’d been asking for help for
all those months in the only way he knew how.
One shift in perspective, for all of us. That’s all it really took.
I’m not going to tell you it got magically better overnight.
Jacob still gets angry sometimes, but now we know how to
talk about it, and when we do, he doesn’t always storm off
and slam his bedroom door. Joni told us we can come back
anytime we need a ‘tune up’, but so far, we are taking it one
day at a time.
The staff at the Eastside Family Centre see
more than 300 clients every month!
One Decision
With Alex MacDonald, Clinician
Wood’s Homes clinicians help children and their families by offering assessments and therapy
through Outpatient Clinical Services.
Q:
What can you tell me about
Outpatient Clinical Services
and who can access it?
A:
We have a diverse group of
clinicians that are available to
do all kinds of different assessments
and can offer different styles and
types of therapy, including things
like art and play therapy.
Parents can call us directly, and we get
referrals from doctors, the hospitals,
and Child and Family Services. Any
of the kids in the other programs at
Wood’s Homes are referred to us on a
regular basis as well.
I’m working with a family right now
who came to us because they were
living in perpetual crisis. The teen
has some fairly complex mental
health issues, and the parents had
never found any services that could
help them, or had any type of respite
care or relief. Understandably, this
had also put a serious strain on their
marriage.
We’ve been able to find some
strategies for their child that are
working, and they’ve also been able to
work through some of their problems,
now that they have been able to come
out of that state of crisis. It’s allowed
them to build some resilience.
Q:
If you could give one piece
of advice to someone who’s
struggling, what would it be?
A:
Ask for help. It’s amazing
how much of a difference
that can make – making that one
decision to not let the stigma or fear
hold you back. I think lots of people
make excuses and create barriers for
themselves – it’s amazing how often
just making that decision to talk to
someone can generate a change in
and of itself.
Q:
A:
What does a typical day look
like for you?
I don’t think there’s any
typical day! One of the things
I like best is that I have the chance
to help a lot of people, and in a lot of
different ways. My favourite thing
about my work is that I can help
strengthen relationships, and that
I also develop my own relationship
with whoever I’m working with.
Q:
What is different about
Outpatient Clinical Services
– what makes it work?
A:
It’s really important to
find out what it is that the
client is looking for. There is a lot of
consideration and thought put into
matching a client and the therapist
and we’re fortunate that we have a
great team with a variety of styles
and specializations to offer.
Being invested in what I’m doing
and genuinely caring that they
are getting what they need is very
important to me – it’s important to all
of us - and we really take our time to
find the approach to help everyone be
successful.
Watch for the Santa Project and other ways to contribute this fall.
Your ongoing support is vital to the children, teens and
families that come to us for help.
3
One Call
Rebuilding in Fort McMurray
Before the devastating wildfires of
May 3, the staff at Stepping Stones in
Fort McMurray had made one phone
call to Syncrude Canada to help out
with some light landscaping.
finally returned, they reconnected
with the senior management team
from Syncrude, who arranged for
volunteers and materials to help the
program get ready to reopen.
That one call led to 20 people coming
together to make the yard and house
a safe place again for young people to
come to, when a safe place is exactly
what they need.
Little did anyone know at that time
what impact the fires, a subsequent
explosion in the neighbourhood, and
being closed for four months would
have on the property. When staff
That one call turned into a great day
of volunteers helping community
youth and staff to work hard and have
fun building gardens, cleaning up
and redesigning the backyard.
That one call made the house at
Stepping Stones a home again.
Sunday mornings in Lethbridge are about to get a whole lot cozier!
Beginning mid-November, the Emergency Youth Shelter will offer extended hours to clients using the shelter, allowing them
more time with Youth and Family Counsellors and time to enjoy a hot meal, thanks to a grant from the United Way.
Program Manager Jeff Hansen says, “It’s incredible what a feeling of belonging can do for these kids, and being able to offer
them a warm brunch and some time to interact over a meal with the staff and other clients will be a valuable chance to bond,
plan ahead and connect with each other.”
WE NEVER SAY NO. WE NEVER GIVE UP. WE NEVER TURN ANYONE AWAY.
WORKING FOR CHILDREN’S MENTAL HEALTH
SINCE 1914
woodshomes.ca
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