 Ground Rules
In a short workshop like this, it is not the wisest use of time to have participants create ground rules
themselves, but establishing ground rules is incredibly important. Feel free to modify these ground
rules as you see fit, creating a list you can share with your participants that will result in an
environment of comfort and safety for everyone involved in the workshop.
1. N o Phones
No matter how good you are at multi-tasking, we ask you to turn off your phone, resist
texting and all that jazz. We will take a break and you can send a quick text but other
than that – resist!
2. Questi ons, Questi ons, Questi ons
Please feel free to ask questions at any time throughout this workshop. Unless someone is
mid-sentence, it is always an appropriate time to ask questions. Even if it isn’t relevant to the
topic, throw it out there – if we will get to it later we can let you know, but get it off your mind
and onto ours.
3. Ve ga s Rule
Slightly modified! So during the workshop someone may share something really personal, may
ask a question, may say something that they wouldn’t want attached to their name outside
this space. So remember that learning leaves and the names stay. You’re welcome to share
anything that we say in this space with others and attach it to our name but be respectful of
other people and take away the learning not the names.
4 . LOL
We really appreciate it if, at some point, y’all could laugh! This workshop is going to be fun,
and we’ll do our best to keep it upbeat, so just know… it’s ok to laugh! Laughter indicates that
you’re awake, that you’re paying attention, and that we haven’t killed your soul. So yeah… go
ahead and do that!
5 . S ha r e t he A i r t i m e
If you are someone who participates often and is really comfortable talking – awesome do it.
But recognize that after you’ve shared a few times to leave space for other people to also put
their ideas out there. So count to 5 after you’ve shared a few times before you share again so
that someone who hasn’t shared and isn’t as quick to jump in has a few seconds to jump in
there. If you usually wait to share… jump in!
6. Reserve the Ri g ht to Cha ng e Your Mi nd
If you say something and then later disagree with yourself, that is a-okay! This is a safe space
to say something and then later feel differently and change your mind. We even encourage it.
LGBTQ Terminology
Advocate – (noun) (1) a person who actively works to end intolerance, educate others, and support social
equity for a marginalized group. (verb) (2) to actively support/plea in favor of a particular cause, the action of
working to end intolerance, educate others, etc.
Ally – (noun) a straight identified person who supports, and respects for members of the LGBTQ community
Androgyny/ous – (adj) (1) a gender expression that has elements of both masculinity and femininity; (2)
occasionally used in place of “intersex” to describe a person with both female and male anatomy
Androsexual/Androphilic – (adj) attraction to men, males, and/or masculinity
Aromantic - (adj) is a person who experiences little or no romantic attraction to others and/or a lack of
interest in forming romantic relationships.
Asexual – (adj) having a lack of (or low level of) sexual attraction to others and/or a lack of interest or desire
for sex or sexual partners
Bigender – (adj) a person who fluctuates between traditionally “woman” and “man” gender-based behavior
and identities, identifying with both genders (and sometimes a third gender)
Bicurious – (adj) a curiosity about having attraction to people of the same gender/sex (similar to
questioning)
Biological Sex – (noun) a medical term used to refer to the chromosomal, hormonal and anatomical
characteristics that are used to classify an individual as female or male or intersex. Often abbreviated to
simply “sex”.
Biphobia – (noun) a range of negative attitudes (e.g., fear, anger, intolerance, resentment, or discomfort)
that one may have/express towards bisexual individuals. Biphobia can come from and be seen within the
queer community as well as straight society.. Biphobic (adj) a word used to describe an individual who
harbors some elements of this range of negative attitudes towards bisexual people
Bisexual – (adj) a person emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to males/men and females/
women. This attraction does not have to be equally split between genders and there may be a preference
for one gender over others.
Butch – (noun & adj) a person who identifies themselves as masculine, whether it be physically, mentally or
emotionally. ‘Butch’ is sometimes used as a derogatory term for lesbians, but is also be claimed as an
affirmative identity label.
Cisgender – (adj) a person whose gender identity and biological sex assigned at birth align (e.g., man and
male-assigned)
Participant Sheet
Cisnormativity – (noun) the assumption, in individuals or in institutions, that everyone is cisgender, and that
cisgender identities are superior to trans* identities or people. Leads to invisibility of non-cisgender
identities
Closeted – (adj) an individual who is not open to themselves or others about their (queer) sexuality or
gender identity. This may be by choice and/or for other reasons such as fear for one’s safety, peer or family
rejection or disapproval and/or loss of housing, job, etc. Also known as being “in the closet.” When
someone chooses to break this silence they “come out” of the closet. (See coming out)
Coming Out – (1) the process by which one accepts and/or comes to identify one’s own sexuality or gender
identity (to “come out” to oneself). (2) The process by which one shares one’s sexuality or gender identity
with others (to “come out” to friends, etc.).
Cross-dresser – (noun) someone who wears clothes of another gender/sex.
Demi-sexual – (noun) an individual who does not experience sexual attraction unless they have formed a
strong emotional connection with another individual. Often within a romantic relationship.
Drag King – (noun) someone who performs masculinity theatrically.
Drag Queen – (noun) someone who performs femininity theatrically.
Dyke – (noun) a term referring to a masculine presenting lesbian. While often used derogatorily, it can is
adopted affirmatively by many lesbians (and not necessarily masculine ones) as a positive self-identity term
Fag(got) – (noun) derogatory term referring to a gay person, or someone perceived as queer. Occasionally
used as an self-identifying affirming term by some gay men, at times in the shortened form ‘fag’.
Femme – (noun & adj) someone who identifies themselves as feminine, whether it be physically, mentally or
emotionally. Often used to refer to a feminine-presenting lesbian.
Fluid(ity) – generally with another term attached, like gender-fluid or fluid-sexuality, fluid(ity) describes an
identity that is a fluctuating mix of the options available (e.g., man and woman, bi and straight)
FTM / F2M – abbreviation for female-to-male transgender or transsexual person.
Gay – (adj) (1) a term used to describe individuals who are primarily emotionally, physically, and/or sexually
attracted to members of the same sex. More commonly used when referring to males, but can be applied to
females as well. (2) An umbrella term used to refer to the queer community as a whole, or as an individual
identity label for anyone who does not identify as heterosexual.
Gender Binary – (noun) the idea that there are only two genders – male/female or man/woman and that a
person must be strictly gendered as either/or.
Gender Expression – (noun) the external display of one’s gender, through a combination of dress,
demeanor, social behavior, and other factors, generally measured on scales of masculinity and femininity.
Participant Sheet
Gender Fluid - (adj) gender fluid is a gender identity best described as a dynamic mix of boy and girl. A
person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel more man
Gender Identity – (noun) the internal perception of an one’s gender, and how they label themselves, based
on how much they align or don’t align with what they understand their options for gender to be. Common
identity terms include man, woman, genderqueer...
Gender Normative / Gender Straight – (adj) someone whose gender presentation, whether by nature or by
choice, aligns with society’s gender-based expectations
Genderqueer - (adj) is a catch-all term for gender identities other than man and woman, thus outside of the
gender binary and cisnormativity (sometimes referred to as non-binary). People who identify as
genderqueer may think of themselves as one or more of the following:
• both man and woman (bigender, pangender);
• neither man nor woman (genderless, agender);
• moving between genders (genderfluid);
• third gender or other-gendered; includes those who do not place a name to their gender
• having an overlap of, or blurred lines between, gender identity and sexual and romantic orientation.
Gender Variant – (adj) someone who either by nature or by choice does not conform to gender-based
expectations of society (e.g. transgender, transsexual, intersex, gender-queer, cross-dresser, etc.).
Gynesexual/Gynephilic – (adj) attracted to woman, females, and/or femininity
Hermaphrodite – (noun) an outdated medical term previously used to refer someone who was born with
both male and female biological characteristics; not used today as it is considered to be medically
stigmatizing, and also misleading as it means a person who is 100% male and female, a biological
impossibility for humans (preferred term is intersex)
Heteronormativity – (noun) the assumption, in individuals or in institutions, that everyone is heterosexual,
and that heterosexuality is superior to all other sexualities. Leads to invisibility and stigmatizing of other
sexualities.
Heterosexism – (noun) behavior that grants preferential treatment to heterosexual people, reinforces the
idea that heterosexuality is somehow better or more “right” than queerness, or makes other sexualities
invisible
Heterosexual – (adj) a person primarily emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to members of the
opposite sex. Also see straight.
Homophobia – (noun) an umbrella term for a range of negative attitudes (e.g., fear, anger, intolerance,
resentment, or discomfort) that one may have towards members of LGBTQ community. The term can also
connote a fear, disgust, or dislike of being perceived as LGBTQ.
Intersex – (adj) someone whose combination of chromosomes, gonads, hormones, internal sex organs, and
genitals differs from the two expected patterns of male or female. Formerly known as hermaphrodite (or
hermaphroditic), but these terms are now considered outdated and derogatory.
Lesbian – (noun) a term used to describe women attracted romantically, erotically, and/or emotionally to
Participant Sheet
Lipstick Lesbian – (noun) Usually refers to a lesbian with a feminine gender expression. Can be used in a
positive or a derogatory way. Is sometimes also used to refer to a lesbian who is assumed to be (or passes
for) straight.
Metrosexual – (noun & adj) a straight man with a strong aesthetic sense who spends more time, energy, or
money on his appearance and grooming than is considered gender normative.
MTF/ M2F – abbreviation from male-to-female transgender or transsexual person.
Outing – (verb) involuntary or unwanted disclosure of another person’s sexual orientation, gender identity,
or intersex status.
Pansexual – (adj) a person who experiences sexual, romantic, physical, and/or spiritual attraction for
members of all gender identities/expressions
Passing – (verb) (1) a term for trans* people being accepted as, or able to “pass for,” a member of their selfidentified gender/sex identity (regardless of birth sex). (2) An LGB/queer individual who can is believed to be
or perceived as straight.
Polyamory – (noun) refers to having honest, usual non-possessive, relationships with multiple partners and
can include: open relationships, polyfidelity (which involves multiple romantic relationships with sexual
contact restricted to those), and sub-relationships (which denote distinguishing between a ‘primary’
relationship or relationships and various “secondary” relationships).
Queer – (adj) used as an umbrella term to describe individuals who identify as non-straight. Also used to
describe people who have non-normative gender identity or as a political affiliation. Due to its historical use
as a derogatory term, it is not embraced or used by all members of the LGBTQ community. The term queer
can often be use interchangeably with LGBTQ.
Questioning (verb, adjective) - an individual who is unsure about or is exploring their own sexual orientation
or gender identity.
Same Gender Loving / SGL – (adj) a term sometimes used by members of the African-American / Black
community to express an alternative sexual orientation without relying on terms and symbols of European
descent.
Sexual Orientation – (noun) the type of sexual, romantic, physical, and/or spiritual attraction one feels for
others, often labeled based on the gender relationship between the person and the people they are
attracted to (often mistakenly referred to as sexual preference)
Sexual Preference – (1) the types of sexual intercourse, stimulation, and gratification one likes to receive
and participate in. (2) Generally when this term is used, it is being mistakenly interchanged with “sexual
orientation,” creating an illusion that one has a choice (or “preference”) in who they are attracted to
Sex Reassignment Surgery / SRS – A term used by some medical professionals to refer to a group of
surgical options that alter a person’s biological sex. In most cases, one or multiple surgeries are required to
achieve legal recognition of gender variance.
Participant Sheet
Skoliosexual – (adj) attracted to genderqueer and transsexual people and expressions (people who don’t
identify as cisgender)
Straight – (adj) a person primarily emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to members of the
opposite sex. A more colloquial term for the word heterosexual
Stud – (noun) an African-American and/of Latina masculine lesbian. Also known as ‘butch’ or ‘aggressive’.
Top Surgery – (noun) this term refers to surgery for the construction of a male-type chest or breast
augmentation for a female-type chest.
Trans* – (noun) an umbrella term for people whose gender identity and/or gender expression differs from
the sex they were assigned at birth. Trans* people may identify with a particular descriptive term (e.g.,
transgender, transsexual, genderqueer, FTM).
Transgender – (1) An umbrella term covering a range of identities that transgress socially defined gender
norms. (2) A person who lives as a member of a gender other than that expected based on anatomical sex.
Transition(ing) – (noun & verb) this term is primarily used to refer to the process a trans* person undergoes
when changing their bodily appearance either to be more congruent with the gender/sex they feel
themselves to be and/or to be in harmony with their preferred gender expression.
Transman – (noun) An identity label sometimes adopted by female-to-male transgender people or
transsexuals to signify that they are men while still affirming their history as females. (sometimes referred to
as transguy)
Transphobia –(noun) the fear of, discrimination against, or hatred of trans* people, the trans* community, or
gender ambiguity. Transphobia can be seen within the queer community, as well as in general society.
Transsexual – (noun & adj) a person who identifies psychologically as a gender/sex other than the one to
which they were assigned at birth. Transsexuals often wish to transform their bodies hormonally and
surgically to match their inner sense of gender/sex.
Transvestite – (noun) a person who dresses as the binary opposite gender expression (“cross-dresses”) for
any one of many reasons, including relaxation, fun, and sexual gratification (often called a “cross-dresser,”
and should not be confused with transsexual)
Transwoman – (noun) an identity label sometimes adopted by male-to-female transsexuals or transgender
people to signify that they are women while still affirming their history as males.
Two-Spirit – (noun) is an umbrella term traditionally used by Native American people to recognize
individuals who possess qualities or fulfill roles of both genders
Ze / Hir – alternate pronouns that are gender neutral and preferred by some trans* people.
Pronounced /zee/ and /here/ they replace “he” and “she” and “his” and “hers” respectively.
Alternatively some people who are not comfortable/do not embrace he/she use the plural pronoun “they/
their” as a gender neutral singular pronoun.
Participant Sheet
First Impressions of LGBTQ People
Answer the following questions to the best of your ability:
1. How and when did you come to learn that not all people are straight or cisgender?
2. Where did most of the influence of your initial impressions/understanding of LGBTQ people
come from? (e.g., family, friends, television, books, news, church)
3. Who is the first gay or lesbian character (TV, Film, Book, etc) you experienced? What was
the portrayal like? (e.g., healthy, accurate, exaggerated, negative) 4. Were your first impressions of LGBTQ people mostly positive, mostly negative, or
something else?
5. How have your impressions/understanding of LGBTQ people changed or evolved
throughout your life?
The Top 7 Things to Unlearn about LGBTQ People
1. You can't spot a gay person by the way they dress or act.
2. Being LGBTQ is not a mental illness, or psychiatric condition.
3. HIV/AIDS is not an LGBTQ disease.
4. Lesbians do not really just need the "right man" to set them "straight." Gay men do not
really just need the "right woman."
5. Gay men are not pedophiles, and LGBTQ people aren't trying to brainwash everyone to be
gay. Straight people are the ones making all the gay kids.
6. LGBTQ people are not unhealthy/unfit parents.
7. Things are not equal for LGBTQ people in the United States, and even though it is "getting
better," there is still a long way to go before LGBTQ people have the same rights and
protections as straight/cisgender people.
Participant Sheet
Genderbread Person
Participant Sheet
Heterosexual Privileges for Sale
Please look at the following list of privileges; each privilege costs $100 to purchase. As a group,
please purchase as many privileges as your money allows.
Having a recognized marriage (in name only).*
Having other people celebrate your marriage.
Paid leave from your job when grieving the death of your partner.
Inheriting from your partner/lover/companion automatically after their death.
Having multiple positive TV role models.
Sharing health insurance with your partner.
Being able to find role models of the same sexual orientation.
Being able to see your partner immediately if in an accident or emergency.
Not being subjected to scrutiny in your job and not being able to be promoted without your
sexuality being questioned
10. Adopting your children.
11. Filing joint tax returns.
12. Able to obtain child custody.
13. Kissing/hugging/being affectionate in public without threat or punishment.
14. Freely being able to discuss your relationship with others.
15. Being able to discuss and have access to multiple family planning options.
16. Not questioning normalcy both sexually and culturally.
17. Reading books or seeing movies about a relationship you wish you could have.
18. Receiving discounted home-owner insurance rates with your recognized partner.
19. Raising children without worrying about state intervention.
20.Having others comfort you when a relationship ends.
21. Being a foster parent.
22. Being employed as a pre-school or elementary school teacher without people assuming you
will “corrupt” the children.
23. Dating the person you desired in your teens.
24. Raising children without worrying about people rejecting your children because of your sexual
preference.
25. Living openly with your partner.
26. Receiving validation from your religious community.
27. Being accepted by your neighbors, colleagues, and new friends..
28.Being able to go to a doctor visit and have him or her understand your sexual orientation.
29. Not having to testify against your partner in a court of law
30.Having people correctly assume your sexuality.
31. Sponsoring your partner for citizenship.
32. Being open and having your partner accepted by your family.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
Participant Sheet
Coming Out Story
Answer the following questions to the best of your ability:
Favorite or Most Important:
(please don’t stress about the answers - they are simply for the activity)
1. [Person (friend / loved one)] ______________________________________
2. [Family Member / Relative] ______________________________________
3. [Hobby / Passion] ______________________________________
4. [Material Possession] ______________________________________
5. [Dream Job] ______________________________________
Coming Out Support
Supporting someone through their initial coming out process can be incredible, but we aren’t
taught how to do it well. Here are some tips:
1. Don't say "I've always known" or "why didn't you come out to me sooner?" -- If
someone is coming out to you, it means they trust you with new and sensitive information.
This is likely a big deal for them, even if it's something you've suspected for a long time.
2. Do ask questions, be curious, inquire -- Ask them how they are doing, if they have any
crushes, if they want you to tell other people or keep it to yourself. Find out what they need or
what from you right then, and why they are coming out to you now.
3. Listen, be patient, and don't push -- If they aren't ready to tell you much more, give them
time. If they don't want to tell other people, don't push them to. Every person's coming out
experiences are different (due in part to the support/lack of support from family, friends, etc),
so respect their wishes and preferences -- odds are they know best.
The coming out story you experienced is a particularly stark example of coming out, but it
presented many unfortunate realities some LGBTQ people face when they share their
identities with others. While it is vital that we understand the harsh realities of coming out for
many individuals, it is also important to know that for many people this is not their reality.
Many experience loving parents, friends, employers and more. However, it is important to
know that no matter who the individual is and what their particular situation in life, coming out
can be difficult, scary, and uncomfortable -- no matter how supportive individuals are
around them. And remember that many individuals have to evaluate on a daily basis
the repercussions that coming out could have on their life.
Participant Sheet
Scenarios
You are becoming friends with this guy named Alex. One day you’re hanging out Alex
gets oddly quiet and finally after you ask them repeatedly if anything is bothering them
they come out and tell you they’re bi. Alex says he’s totally comfortable with it, has
known for a long time, but doesn’t really feel like they know how to tell other people at
school even though they really want to. What do you do?
You leave your dorm room one morning and you notice something on your friend José’s
whiteboard on his door just across the hall. José is one of your friends, is gay, and has
been out to you since you’ve known him. The whiteboard says, “Hey fag – give me a call
later today, we have to pregame that party. Jess.” You know Jess is one of José’s best
friends, but you don’t know her that well. What do you do?
You and a group of friends are waiting in line for food at a dining hall. Some people
behind you in line are chatting about the new Xbox that just came out and you overhear
one of them say, “Dude you’re still playing on a PS2, that’s so gay, seriously.” What do
you do?
One of your teachers (who you know quite well) is talking about sexuality or gender in
class. When the discussion goes quiet they turn to you and ask if you have anything
additional to add. What do you do?
One of your new friends, Dee, who you don’t know that well, meets you and a group of
mutual friends for lunch. They start talking about their roommate and how weird and
annoying they always are. Dee goes onto say, “She also told me that she’s bisexual, I
don’t actually really have a problem with bisexuals but I don’t know how comfortable I
am, like, changing in the same room as her, I mean that’s weird right? Like I don’t know
it just kind of weirds me out.” What do you do.
Participant Sheet
How to be an Ally
Do’s and don’ts of being an awesome active ally.
One of the goals of the Safe Zone workshop is to turn lay people into super-educated, active,
and helpful LGBTQ allies. But being an ally is more than just saying you’re an ally. Following
are guidelines we expect allies to live up to. If you’re up to the challenge, sign the informal
contract below and consider yourself welcomed to our ranks!
As an ally, I promise to be...
• An ally 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year -- being an ally isn’t something
you can turn on and off when it’s convenient or comfortable for you. If you take on the ally
mantle, that means you’re signing up to be an ally at all times (in grocery stores, at work, at
family gatherings, in the bathroom, etc). Nothing will destroy your ally credibility like
someone seeing you take off your ally cap (e.g., tossing around, or consenting to,
homophobic language when you think “no LGBTQ people are around”).
• Willing to ask questions, admit I’m wrong, and keep learning -- Safe Zone workshops
are a great time to do this, but an ally’s learning isn’t limited to a few hour experience. Do
your best to stay current on events, learn to be comfortable admitting you don’t know
something, or that you’re wrong, and never stop asking questions!
• An amplifier for the voices of LGBTQ people, but not speak on their behalf -- no one
person can speak for an entire group of people, so try your best not to. Use phrases like “in
many cases” or “a lot of the time” instead of “all” or “every ___ person.” Remember, only the
sith deal in absolutes. A great saying to keep in mind is that a good ally is like a really
expensive sound system: they amplify the voices of marginalized people without distorting
them.
• Understanding when LGBTQ-identified individuals aren’t comfortable with me -- as an
ally, you should do your best to support queer spaces and events, but know that you
shouldn’t feel entitled to be there, or to be every queer-identified person’s ally. Some people
have had terrible experiences with straight/cis people, so respect that and be
understanding.
• Conscious of my own privilege, prejudice, and dispositions -- guess what, there’s a really
good chance you have a bit of homophobic or transphobic-ness packed down inside you
somewhere. That’s normal (it’s how you were socialized). Make sure you’re cognizant of
these things, and do your best to address and unpack them over time, so they are less likely
to inadvertently color your experiences or negatively influence your interactions with
members of certain groups.
I hereby agree to all of the guidelines for being an ally set forth above, and pledge to be the
most all-star LGBTQ ally I can be.
______________________________________________________________________
Ally Name Ally Signature
Date
How to be an Ally
How to be an Trans* Positive Ally
Trans* positive tips!
Respect someone’s gender identity.
Address the individual as they wish to be addressed, using the name and the pronouns they
prefer. Also remember that not all gender non-conforming people identify as transgender,
some may identify as Genderqueer, androgynous, or other labels – respect their choice.
(Example: Jane has been your friend since grade school. However, Jane would like you to
now use the name Jimmy and male pronouns.)
Use their preferred name and pronouns and if you make a mistake don’t over apologize just
follow the mistake with the correct name or pronoun and move on.
Respect individuals’ privacy.
Many transgender people are not “out” about their transgender status do not out them.
When a transgender person tells you of their transgender status they are trusting you with
personal information, to tell others without their approval of it is a betrayal of their trust. No
transgender person is obligated to reveal their status as transgender; keeping one’s transstatus to one’s self is not hiding anything. Do not refer to people in the past tense unless you
are sure you can use their current name and pronoun, when in doubt, bring it all to the present
tense.
Do not make a transgender person feel fake
Do not refer or compliment a transgender person for looking like a ‘real man’ or a ‘real woman’
or say things like ‘you look so natural’. Though you may mean well using terms ‘real’ or
‘natural’ can make transgender people feel or think you believe them to be fake or unnatural.
Good rule of thumb: Do not make any comments or compliments to a transgender person that
you wouldn’t also make to a non-transgendered person.
Do not assume transgender people have a choice.
Do not assume someone is transgender by choice. Although transpeople must make a
decision to go through hormone replacement therapy or seek medical transitioning they did
not choose to be transgender.
Do not assume that transgender people are queer or kinky.
Do not assume that a transgender person is gay or bisexual, though they are incorporated
under the umbrella of LGBTQ many, many transgender people are straight. Do not assume
that a transgender person is promiscuous or fetishistic. Gender identity is not the same as
sexuality.
Don't not ask about their 'real name' or 'what their genitals look like'.
How to be an Ally Part 2
 Feedback Form
Please answer honestly :) then rip this page out and turn it in to your facilitator.
a
What did you enj oy about today’s workshop ?
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What is something you think could be imp roved?
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Would you recommend this workshop ? What would you say?
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Who would you recommend the workshop to?
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O ne th i ng y ou l e a r n e d t oda y ? P e rha p s s om e t hi n g n e ve r re a l iz ed
before or tha t you a re now thi nk a bout di fferently?
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A ny a ddi t i ona l c om m ent s?
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Participant Sheet