How to write a business letter l Language l Poor business letter language
Poor business letter language
Here is an example of what not to do!
This letter is unclear because it has too many redundant and meaningless words,
clichés, big words, jargon and sexist language.
Mr John Freedman
ABC Pty Ltd
56 Main Road
HILLSWEST WA 6754
15 March 20XX
Cliché
Ms Joanne Desmond
233 Hills Cres
Cliché
HILLSWEST WA 6754
In response to your latest correspondence of 28 February 20XX, it is our pleasure that
you please find enclosed our price range as requested.
As you can see, the parameters of each option are entirely flexible and can be catered to
suit your individual requirements as needed by you. Please take your time to peruse the
Jargon
Too many
words
price list and if you have any further queries, we would be more than happy to acquaint
Big words
you with more and additional information.
Cliché
I have also enclosed some testimonials from other satisfied customers which I am sure
Redundant
words
will demonstrate and verify our desire to accommodate your needs. We look forward to
working with you and please don’t hesitate to contact our salesman on 5550 6541 for
further information.
Redundant
words
Sexist
language
– should be
‘salesperson’
Yours sincerely
John Freedman
Encl
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