College as the Hero’s Journey:
Homesickness and the Road of Trials
Elizabeth J. Cracco, Ph.D., Interim Director of Counseling and Mental Health Services
This summer I had the privilege, as I have for several years now, of working and learning from the good folks
and campers at Paul Newman’s Hole in the Wall Gang Camp in Ashford, CT, just a stone’s throw up Route 44
from UConn. There, I learn more than I teach, and get more than I give. This year I took away the concept of
The Hero’s Journey. This theory (born from the work of Joseph Campbell) guides a program for older campers
by the same name, and highlights the ways in which kids who are seriously ill, are called to the challenge of
camp, transformed by that challenge, and return home with the gifts of freedom, confidence and mastery. This
metaphor seems to also be a perfect fit to help guide us in understanding the struggles of students heading off
to their first semester at college, and hopefully provides you with a helpful framework for understanding that
discomfort can be essential to growth.
Stage 1: Departure: Crossing the Threshold
Your son or daughter has been called to a challenge at UConn.
Like many great mythical figures before them (think Dorothy, Luke
Skywalker, Frodo Baggins) the call to leave the comforts of the shire
for unknown lands is operative for their growth. While fear, insecurity,
concerns, and obligations at home, at times pull our hero to refuse
the call, your child has likely already crossed the threshold and left the
known limits of their familiar home (albeit well-supplied by Bed, Bath
and Beyond). They are, in Joseph Campbell’s terms, “in the belly of the
beast.”
Stage 2: Initiation & The Road of Trials
Our hero journeys along a road of trials marked by tests and ordeals. For the student who misses home these
tests are apparent and immediate. They may doubt that they have the intellect, the courage, or the heart for the
trip, and at times may need to reach out for help. Inevitably, in the era of texting 24-7, that call may be to you, and
your first instinct may be to rescue. Hold steady and remember the importance of this quest! Encourage your
son or daughter to reach out to some local resources for a hand. Dorothy didn’t travel the road alone, and your
son or daughter shouldn’t have to either.
There is an entire cast of characters at the ready to help students through these difficult times. Scarecrow-like
concerns are common, and we have many offices dedicated to assist with study strategies and academic advising.
For the more Lion and Tin-Man like issues of emotional coping, a continuum of support is available all the
way from the floor Resident Assistant to the counselors at Counseling and Mental Health Services (CMHS).
Importantly though, the helpers along the road guide our hero back to their own strength. Obi Wan taught Luke
to use the force that was essentially inside him all along. At CMHS we talk a lot about RESILIENCE, and ask
students in distress to specifically list their strengths. As your son or daughter reaches out to you for help, remind
them that the force is IN THEM!
Stage 3: Return
According to Joseph Campbell the challenge of the return is for the hero to retain the wisdom gained on the
quest and share this wisdom with one’s community. Alright, perhaps this won’t happen by semester break of the
first year. Ultimately however, the goal is that the long road of college will have many challenges, all of which will
contribute to the end product - a student who returns more comfortable, competent and confident than when
they left.
Some Other Helpful Tips For Dealing With Homesickness
Homesickness is common; we encourage you to offer support to your student.
• Encourage connection to their new home. Have they considered joining clubs?
Joining a study group? Getting involved in intramurals? A service project? Coach them to
approximate a psychologically smaller space at this very large university. Frequent visits
home may disrupt connection to their new home.
• Listen. Sometimes we just need to ventilate our feelings and then we can get about the
work of solving the problem ourselves. Listen supportively and then ask your student what
they think are some strategies for intervention.
• Know warning signs of more significant concerns and become active helpers in
these cases: If your student is having a mental health crisis they WILL need the help and
support of their familial network. Please be active helpers in these cases. Homesickness
lasts a few weeks or more. A few crying spells, but basic ability to get about the life of a
college student is normal. By contrast, clinical depression is marked by depressed mood,
loss of interest or pleasure in all activities, and marked disruption in functioning all day
nearly every day for a period of two weeks. Anxiety disorders are also one of the most
common presentations in college students. Frequent and debilitating panic and inability
to engage in the basic activities of college life, such as getting meals and attending classes,
obviously may signal a larger problem. If you see an inability to function in these ways
or hear any talk that indicates hopelessness or thoughts of harming self or others, please
consult with a mental health professional (or in emergency situations call 911 immediately).
For more information please go to www.counseling.uconn.edu.
• For more great tips: http://royaloak.patch.com/articles/tips-for-preventinghomesickness-in-college-students
Your Own Hero’s Journey: Are you Kid-Sick?
Every year during orientation, parents, only partially in jest, come up to our booth at Counseling and Mental
Health Services and say, “I’m the one who is going to need a therapist!” With quavering voices, they talk about
the process - the shopping for coordinating comforters, the packing, the tension, the unpacking, and inevitably,
the sadness. The realization hits that after years of dutiful sideline-sitting, cupcake-making, curfew-checking, and
homework-helping, the object of your vigilance is now, *Gasp,*gone!
And you thought you would NEVER miss those wet towels on the floor?! Whether it is your first, your only, or
your fifth, a child leaving home is one of the most significant transitions in not only your child’s life, but in your
life as well. Operating with intention during this time of challenge is critical in transforming a time of potential
loss into an opportunity for growth.
How could you NOT be sad? Your strong feelings at the departure of your child are a testament to the bonds
you’ve built over the years. We are connected to our children emotionally and viscerally, and just like the day they
first went off to day-care or got on the bus for pre-school, the need for tissues is perfectly reasonable and normal!
Separation is a critical piece of their growth: Focus on the positive. Successful separations at each stage of
development are important building blocks of adult identity. As Matthew McConaughey aptly illustrates in the
movie “Failure to Launch,” a child who is not encouraged and supported in separating becomes a thirty-five year
old who drinks right out of the milk carton in his boxers.
You’ve done great work: Have faith that you have readied your son or daughter with the essential tools to
navigate the challenges ahead. Trust also in the connection you have with them, that they will continue to rely
upon in the times of greatest need.
You’re never too old to change and grow: Be honest with your son or daughter that you are working to
navigate this major change in life as well. While your struggle need not be their central concern, modeling healthy
coping can be a source of encouragement to your son or daughter. “This has been a big transition for me too.
I really miss hearing about all of your sports, but I’m keeping busy and have decided to join the softball team at
work and get involved myself.”
Get Support: Your son or daughter is going to be encouraged at every turn to get help when they need it. We
would offer you the same. Times can be hard, and family relationships are complicated. A child going off to
college may be one trigger on top of a pile of stressors. Identify your key resources – family, friends, clergy, coworkers, and possibly therapists. Talk about how you are feeling with supportive others, and make an action plan
to help address the challenges and potential benefits of this new stage of life.