Feed the Seed: Clearing the Negative
March 7, 2014
1. John: Invocation “Forgive – Daily Word” and place the offering basket.
2. Lynn: Objective for tonight’s meeting: to clear negative thoughts and influences for a more
successful pursuit of happiness.
3. John: Discussion: Last month we asked each person to write down and practice prosperity habits.
Does anyone have experience to relate concerning the formation of a new habit?
4. Lynn: The Work by Byron Katie. What The Work is for and how The Work can impact your mind.
Explain the process while going through her handouts and the Little Book.
5. John: How to Silence Your Nasty Inner Critic
6. Lynn: Discussion: “Law of Thinking” and what do people in our group have for experience with this
“Law”?
7. John: “Forgiveness Sets Me Free of Pain” Marianne Williamson
8. Hand outs:





“The Work” packet by Byron Katie
“Little Book” by Byron Katie
“How to Silence Your Nasty Inner Critic” by Erin Cox
The “Law of Thinking” by Mary Manin Morrissey
“Forgiveness Sets Me Free of Pain” by Marianne Williamson
9. Next homework assignment: if you have difficulty in a relationship, then try “The Work”.
10. Supplemental Reading:



“Forgiveness” Unity workbook from “The Four Spiritual Laws of Prosperity” by Edwene Gaines
“The Seven Habits of Highly Dramatic People” by Scott Kalechstein Grace
“Embers from the Fire” by Mary Manin Morrissey
2/17/2014
Forgive - Monday, July 24, 2006
Published on Daily Word (http://www.dailyword.com)
Home > Forgive - Monday, July 24, 2006
Monday, July 24, 2006
Forgive
One with the presence of God and one in spirit with all people, I am forgiving.
Each time I forgive, I eliminate the experience of negative energy that is generated by
blaming or faulting myself or another.
In prayer and contemplation, I release any resentment toward others and any regret or
guilt toward myself for things I have done or left undone. Having released all critical,
unforgiving thoughts from my mind, I make room for peace, love, and good to fill my
life.
My ability to forgive myself and be in balance spiritually is deeply related to my
willingness to forgive others. And that willingness to forgive others is deeply related to
my awareness that I am an expression of God's love and power.
One with the presence of God and one in spirit with all people, I am forgiving.
" Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven
our debtors." --Matthew 6:11-12
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The Work is a simple yet powerful process of inquiry that teaches you to identify and question the
thoughts that cause all the suffering in the world. It’s a way to understand what’s hurting you, and to
address the cause of your problems with clarity.
The Work Process
1
Fill out the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet
2
Ask the Four Questions
3
Find the Turnarounds
Investigate each of your statements on the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet using the four
questions and the turnarounds below. The Work is meditation. It’s about opening to your heart, not
about trying to change your thoughts. Ask the questions, then go inside and wait for the deeper answers
to surface. Download the Facilitation Guide for helpful sub-questions.
In its most basic form, The Work consists of four questions and turnarounds. For example, your
statement might be “[Name] doesn't listen to me.” Find someone in your life about whom you have had
that thought. Then take that statement and put it up against the four questions and turnarounds of The
Work.
Is it true? (Yes or no. If no, move to 3.)
Can you absolutely know that it's true? (Yes or no.)
How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
Who would you be without the thought?
Turn the thought around. Then find at least three specific, genuine examples of how each
turnaround is true for you in this situation.
Find the Turnarounds
Facilitation Guide
for The Work of Byron Katie
Four Questions and Turnarounds
Use the following four questions and optional sub-questions with the concept that you are
investigating. When answering the questions, close your eyes, be still, and witness what
appears to you. Inquiry stops working the moment you stop answering the questions.
1. Is it true? (Yes or no. If no, move to question 3.)
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? ( Yes or no.)
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
•
Does that thought bring peace or stress into your life?
•
What images do you see, past and future, and what physical sensations arise as you think that
thought and witness those images?
•
What emotions arise when you believe that thought? (Refer to the Emotions List, available on
thework.com.)
•
Do any obsessions or addictions begin to appear when you believe that thought? (Do you act
out on any of the following: alcohol, drugs, credit cards, food, sex, television?)
•
How do you treat the person in this situation when you believe the thought? How do you treat
other people and yourself?
4. Who would you be without the thought?
•
Who or what are you without the thought?
Turn the thought around.
A statement can be turned around to the self, to the other, and to the opposite. Find at least
three specific, genuine examples of how each turnaround is true for you in this situation.
( For each turnaround, go back and start with the original statement. Do not turn around a
statement that has already been turned around. For example, “He shouldn’t waste his time”
may be turned around to “I shouldn’t waste my time,” “I shouldn’t waste his time,” and “He
should waste his time.” Note that “I should waste my time” and “I should waste his time” are
not valid turnarounds; they are turnarounds of turnarounds rather than turnarounds of the
original statement.)
For more information on how to do The Work, visit thework.com
© 2014 Byron Katie International, Inc. All rights reserved. thework.com Rev. 21 Jan. 2014
Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet
THE WORK OF BYRON KATIE
Judge your neighbor • Write it down • Ask four questions • Turn it around
Think of a recurring stressful situation, a situation that is reliably stressful even though it may have happened
only once and recurs only in your mind. As you answer each of the questions below, allow yourself to mentally
revisit the time and place of the stressful occurrence.
1.
In this situation, time, and location, who angers, confuses, or disappoints you, and why?
I am
with
emotion
name
because
.
Example: I am angry with Paul because he doesn’t listen to me about his health.
2.
In this situation, how do you want them to change? What do you want them to do?
I want
to
name
Example: I want Paul to see that he is wrong. I want him to stop lying to me. I want him to see that he is killing himself.
3.
In this situation, what advice would you offer to them?
should/shouldn’t
name
Example: Paul should take a deep breath. He should calm down. He should see that his behavior frightens me. He should know that being right is
not worth another heart attack.
4.
In order for you to be happy in this situation, what do you need them to think, say, feel, or do?
I need
to
name
Example: I need Paul to hear me when I talk to him. I need him to take care of himself. I need him to admit that I am right.
5.
What do you think of them in this situation? Make a list.
is
name
Example: Paul is unfair, arrogant, loud, dishonest, way out of line, and unconscious.
6.
What is it in or about this situation that you don’t ever want to experience again?
I don’t ever want.
Example: I don’t ever want Paul to lie to me again. I don’t ever want to see him ruining his health again.
Now investigate each of the above statements using the four questions. Always give yourself time to let the deeper
answers meet the questions. Then turn each thought around. For the turnaround to statement 6, replace the words “I
don’t ever want to ...” with “I am willing to ...” and “I look forward to ...” Until you can look forward to all aspects of life
without fear, your Work is not done.
The four questions
Turn the thought around
Example: Paul doesn’t listen to me about his health.
1. Is it true? (Yes or no. If no, move to 3.)
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.)
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?
a) to the self. ( I don’t listen to myself about my health.)
b) to the other. ( I don’t listen to Paul about his health.)
c) to the opposite. ( Paul does listen to me about his health.)
Then find at least three specific, genuine examples of how
each turnaround is true for you in this situation.
For more information on how to do The Work, visit thework.com
© 2014 Byron Katie International, Inc. All rights reserved. thework.com Rev. 27 Jan. 2014
“No one can give you freedom but you.
This little book will show you how.”
—Byron Katie
This booklet presents the essence of The Work
of Byron Katie. Each year, thousands of these
booklets are sent by request, at no charge, to
non-profit organizations around the world, helping
people discover the life-changing power of inquiry.
The Work of
Byron Katie
An Introduction
If you would like to explore this process further,
we suggest you ask for Loving What Is wherever
books are sold. The book version will take
you deeper into The Work, and includes many
examples of Katie facilitating people on issues
such as fear, health, relationships, money, the
body, and more. Loving What Is is also available
as an audiobook, which offers you the invaluable
experience of hearing Katie do The Work in live
workshop recordings. The book and audiobook are
available on our website as well, thework.com, or
they can be ordered by calling 800.98KATIE (52843).
© 2013 Byron Katie International, Inc. All rights reserved. Rev. 12 Nov. 2013
depression was not the world around her, but what
she believed about the world around her. In a flash of
insight, she saw that our attempt to find happiness was
backward—instead of hopelessly trying to change the
world to match our thoughts about how it “should” be,
we can question these thoughts and, by meeting reality
as it is, experience unimaginable freedom and joy. As a
result, a bedridden, suicidal woman became filled with
love for everything life brings.
Introduction
The Work of Byron Katie is a way to identify and
question the thoughts that cause all the suffering in the
world. It is a way to find peace with yourself and with the
world. Anyone with an open mind can do this Work.
Byron Kathleen Reid became severely depressed
while in her thirties. Over a ten-year period her
depression deepened, and for the last two years
Katie (as she is called) was seldom able to leave her
bedroom. Then one morning, from the depths of
despair, she experienced a life-changing realization.
Katie saw that when she believed her thoughts
she suffered, and that when she didn’t believe her
thoughts she didn’t suffer. What had been causing her
An Introduction
1
or answers was of little value—instead, she offers a
process that can give people their own answers. The
first people exposed to her Work reported that the
experience was transformational, and she soon began
receiving invitations to teach the process publicly.
2
The Work of Byron Katie
Katie facilitating The Work on a wide range of topics
(sex, money, the body, parenting, etc.) are available at
her events and on her website, thework.com.
Since 1986 Katie has introduced The Work to millions
of people around the world. In addition to public events,
she has done The Work in corporations, universities,
schools, churches, prisons, and hospitals. Katie’s joy
and humor immediately put people at ease, and the
deep insights and breakthroughs that participants
quickly experience make the events captivating. Since
1998 Katie has directed the School for The Work, a
nine-day curriculum offered several times a year. The
School is an approved provider of continuing education
units in the U.S., and many psychologists, counselors,
and therapists report that The Work is becoming
the most important part of their practice. Katie also
presents a five-day No-Body Intensive and an annual
New Year’s Mental Cleanse—a four-day program of
continuous inquiry that takes place in Los Angeles at
the end of December. She sometimes offers weekend
workshops as well. Audio and video recordings of
An Introduction
Katie developed a simple yet powerful method of
inquiry, called The Work, that showed people how
to free themselves. Her insight into the mind is
consistent with leading-edge research in cognitive
neuroscience, and The Work has been compared to
the Socratic dialogue, Buddhist teachings, and twelvestep programs. But Katie developed her method
without any knowledge of religion or psychology.
The Work is based purely on one woman’s direct
experience of how suffering is created and ended. It is
astonishingly simple, accessible to people of all ages
and backgrounds, and requires nothing more than a
pen and paper and a willingness to open the mind.
Katie saw right away that giving people her insights
3
Katie has written three bestselling books: Loving
What Is, which was written with her husband, the
distinguished writer Stephen Mitchell, and has been
translated into twenty-nine languages; I Need Your
Love—Is That True?, written with Michael Katz; and
A Thousand Names for Joy, written with Stephen
Mitchell. Her other books are Question Your Thinking,
Change the World; Who Would You Be Without Your
Story?; Peace in the Present Moment (selections from
Byron Katie and Eckhart Tolle, with photographs by
Michele Penn); for children, Tiger-Tiger, Is It True?,
illustrated by Hans Wilhelm; and her latest, A Friendly
Universe, also illustrated by Hans Wilhelm.
Welcome to The Work.
4
The Work of Byron Katie
What Is Is
The only time we suffer is when we believe a thought
that argues with what is. When the mind is perfectly
clear, what is is what we want. If you want reality to
be different than it is, you might as well try to teach a
cat to bark. You can try and try, and in the end the cat
will look up at you and say, “Meow.” Wanting reality
to be different than it is is hopeless.
And yet, if you pay attention, you’ll notice that you
believe thoughts like this dozens of times a day.
“People should be kinder.” “Children should be
well-behaved.” “My husband (or wife) should agree
with me.” “I should be thinner (or prettier or more
successful).” These thoughts are ways of wanting
reality to be different than it is. If you think that this
sounds depressing, you’re right. All the stress that we
feel is caused by arguing with what is.
People new to The Work often say to me, “But it would
be disempowering to stop my argument with reality. If
I simply accept reality, I’ll become passive. I may even
lose the desire to act.” I answer them with a question:
An Introduction
5
Staying in Your Own Business
I can find only three kinds of business in the universe:
mine, yours, and God’s. (For me, the word God
means “reality.” Reality is God, because it rules.
Anything that’s out of my control, your control, and
everyone else’s control—I call that God’s business.)
Much of our stress comes from mentally living out of
our own business. When I think, “You need to get a
job, I want you to be happy, you should be on time,
you need to take better care of yourself,” I am in your
business. When I’m worried about earthquakes, floods,
war, or when I will die, I am in God’s business. If I am
mentally in your business or in God’s business, the
effect is separation. I noticed this early in 1986. When I
mentally went into my mother’s business, for example,
with a thought like “My mother should understand me,”
I immediately experienced a feeling of loneliness. And
I realized that every time in my life that I had felt hurt or
lonely, I had been in someone else’s business.
The Work reveals that what you think shouldn’t have
happened should have happened. It should have
happened because it did happen, and no thinking
in the world can change it. This doesn’t mean that
you condone it or approve of it. It just means that
you can see things without resistance and without
the confusion of your inner struggle. No one wants
their children to get sick, no one wants to be in a car
accident; but when these things happen, how can it be
helpful to mentally argue with them? We know better
than to do that, yet we do it, because we don’t know
how to stop.
I am a lover of what is, not because I’m a spiritual
person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality.
We can know that reality is good just as it is, because
when we argue with it, we experience tension and
frustration. We don’t feel natural or balanced. When
we stop opposing reality, action becomes simple, fluid,
kind, and fearless.
6
The Work of Byron Katie
Being mentally in your business keeps me from
being present in my own. I am separate from myself,
wondering why my life doesn’t work.
To think that I know what’s best for anyone else is to be
out of my business. Even in the name of love, it is pure
arrogance, and the result is tension, anxiety, and fear. Do I
know what’s right for me? That is my only business. Let me
work with that before I try to solve your problems for you.
If you understand the three kinds of business enough
to stay in your own business, it could free your life in a
way that you can’t even imagine. The next time you’re
feeling stress or discomfort, ask yourself whose business
you’re in mentally, and you may burst out laughing! That
question can bring you back to yourself. And you may
come to see that you’ve never really been present, that
you’ve been mentally living in other people’s business
all your life. Just to notice that you’re in someone else’s
business can bring you back to your own wonderful self.
And if you practice it for a while, you may come to see
that you don’t have any business either and that your
life runs perfectly well on its own.
If you are living your life and I am mentally living your
life, who is here living mine? We’re both over there.
An Introduction
“Can you really know that that’s true?” Which is more
empowering?—“I wish I hadn’t lost my job” or “I lost
my job; what intelligent solutions can I find right now?”
7
8
The Work of Byron Katie
Meeting Your Thoughts with
Understanding
I don’t let go of my thoughts—I meet them with
understanding. Then they let go of me.
A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It is not
our thoughts, but the attachment to our thoughts,
that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means
believing that it’s true, without inquiring. A belief is a
thought that we’ve been attaching to, often for years.
Most people think that they are what their thoughts
tell them they are. One day I noticed that I wasn’t
breathing—I was being breathed. Then I also noticed,
to my amazement, that I wasn’t thinking—that I was
actually being thought and that thinking isn’t personal.
Do you wake up in the morning and say to yourself, “I
think I won’t think today”? It’s too late: You’re already
thinking! Thoughts just appear. They come out of nothing
and go back to nothing, like clouds moving across the
empty sky. They come to pass, not to stay. There is no
harm in them until we attach to them as if they were true.
Thoughts are like the breeze or the leaves on the trees
or the raindrops falling. They appear like that, and
through inquiry we can make friends with them. Would
you argue with a raindrop? Raindrops aren’t personal,
and neither are thoughts. Once a painful concept is met
with understanding, the next time it appears you may
find it interesting. What used to be the nightmare is
now just interesting. The next time it appears, you may
find it funny. The next time, you may not even notice it.
This is the power of loving what is.
No one has ever been able to control his thinking,
although people may tell the story of how they have.
9
An Introduction
Putting the Mind on Paper
The first step in The Work is to identify the thoughts
and judgments that are causing your stressful
emotions and to write them down. (Go to thework.com
where you’ll find a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet to
download and print.)
For thousands of years, we have been taught not to
judge—but let’s face it, we still do it all the time. The
truth is that we all have judgments running in our
heads. Through The Work we finally have permission
to let those judgments speak out, or even scream out,
on paper. We may find that even the most unpleasant
thoughts can be met with unconditional love.
I encourage you to write about someone whom you
haven’t yet totally forgiven, someone you still resent.
This is the most powerful place to begin. Even if
you’ve forgiven that person 99 percent, you aren’t free
until your forgiveness is complete. The 1 percent you
haven’t forgiven them is the very place where you’re
stuck in all your other relationships (including your
relationship with yourself).
An Introduction
11
10
The Work of Byron Katie
If you begin by pointing the finger of blame outward,
then the focus isn’t on you. You can just let loose and
be uncensored. We’re often quite sure about what other
people need to do, how they should live, whom they
should be with. We have 20/20 vision about others, but
not about ourselves.
When you do The Work, you see who you are by seeing
who you think other people are. Eventually you come to
see that everything outside you is a reflection of your own
thinking. You are the storyteller, the projector of all stories,
and the world is the projected image of your thoughts.
Since the beginning of time, people have been trying to
change the world so that they can be happy. This hasn’t
ever worked, because it approaches the problem backward.
What The Work gives us is a way to change the projector—
mind—rather than the projected. It’s like when there’s a
piece of lint on a projector’s lens. We think there’s a flaw
on the screen, and we try to change this person and that
person, whomever the flaw appears to be on next. But it’s
futile to try to change the projected images. Once we realize
where the lint is, we can clear the lens itself. This is the end
of suffering, and the beginning of a little joy in paradise.
12
The Work of Byron Katie
How to Fill In the Worksheet
I invite you to contemplate for a moment a situation
where you were angry, hurt, sad, or disappointed in
someone. Please be as judgmental, childish, and petty
as you were in that situation. Don’t try to be wiser
or more spiritual or kinder than you were. This is a
time to tantrum, to look within yourself, to look back
at that specific situation and be totally honest and
uncensored about why you were hurt and how you felt
when the situation was occurring. Allow your feelings
to express themselves as they arise, without any fear
of consequences or any threat of punishment.
On the next page, you’ll find an example of a
completed Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet. I have
written about my second husband, Paul, in this
example (included here with his permission); these
are the kinds of thoughts that I used to believe about
him before inquiry. As you read, you’re invited to
replace Paul’s name with the appropriate name in
your life.
An Introduction
13
5. What do you think of them in this situation? Make a list.
Paul is unfair, arrogant, loud, dishonest, way out of line,
and unconscious.
6. What is it in or about this situation that you don’t ever
want to experience again?
I don’t ever want Paul to lie to me again. I don’t ever want
to see him ruining his health again.
1. In this situation, time, and location, who angers,
confuses, or disappoints you, and why?
I am angry with Paul because he doesn’t listen to me
about his health.
2. In this situation, how do you want them to change?
What do you want them to do?
I want Paul to see that he is wrong. I want him to stop
lying to me. I want him to see that he is killing himself.
3. In this situation, what advice would you offer to them?
Paul should take a deep breath. He should calm down.
He should see that his behavior frightens me. He should
know that being right is not worth another
heart attack.
4. In order for you to be happy in this situation, what do
you need them to think, say, feel, or do?
I need Paul to hear me when I talk to him. I need him to
take care of himself. I need him to admit that I am right.
14
The Work of Byron Katie
Tips
Statement 1: Be sure to identify what most upsets you
in that situation about the person you are writing about.
As you fill in statements 2 through 6, imagine yourself in
the situation that you have described in statement 1.
Statement 2: List what you wanted them to do in this
situation, no matter how ridiculous or childish your
wants were.
Statement 3: Be sure that your advice is specific,
practical, and detailed. Clearly articulate, step by
step, how they should carry out your advice; tell
them exactly what you think they should do. If they
followed your advice, would it really solve your
problem in statement 1? Be sure that your advice
is relevant and doable for this person (as you have
described him or her in statement 5).
Statement 4: Did you stay in the situation described
in statement 1? If your needs were met, would that
take you all the way to “happy” or would it just stop
the pain? Be sure that the needs you have expressed
are specific, practical, and detailed.
An Introduction
15
16
The Work of Byron Katie
Inquiry: The Four Questions
and the Turnarounds
1. Is it true? (Yes or no. If no, move to question 3.)
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.)
3. How do you react, what happens, when you
believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?
Turn the thought around. Then find at least three
specific, genuine examples of how the turnaround is
true for you in this situation.
Now, using the four questions, let’s investigate
statement 1 on the Worksheet: Paul doesn’t listen
to me about his health. As you read along, think of
someone you haven’t totally forgiven yet, someone
who just wouldn’t listen to you.
An Introduction
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? Consider
these questions: “In that situation, can I absolutely know
that it’s true that Paul isn’t listening to me about his health?
Can I ever really know when someone is listening or not?
Am I sometimes listening even when I appear not to be?”
3. How do you react, what happens, when you
believe that thought? How do you react emotionally
when you believe that Paul doesn’t listen to you about
17
his health? How do you treat him? Be still, notice. For
example: “I feel frustrated and sick to my stomach,
I give him ‘the look.’ I interrupt him. I punish him, I
ignore him, I lose my temper. I begin talking faster and
louder, I lie to him, I threaten him.” Continue your list
as you witness the situation and allow the images of
past and future in your mind’s eye to show you how
you react when you believe that thought.
Does that thought bring peace or stress into your
life? What images do you see, past and future, and
what physical sensations arise as you witness those
images? Allow yourself to experience them now. Do
any obsessions or addictions begin to appear when
you believe that thought? (Do you act out on any
of the following: alcohol, drugs, credit cards, food,
sex, television, etc.?) Also, witness how you treat
yourself in this situation and how that feels. “I shut
down. I isolate myself, I feel sick, I feel angry, I eat
compulsively, and for days I watch television without
really watching. I feel depressed, separate, resentful,
and lonely.” Notice all the effects of believing the
thought Paul doesn’t listen to me about his health.
An Introduction
1. Is it true? As you consider the situation again, ask
yourself, “Is it true that Paul doesn’t listen to me about
his health?” Be still. If you really want to know the
truth, the honest yes or no from within will rise to meet
the question as you recall that same situation in your
mind’s eye. Let the mind ask the question, and wait
for the answer that surfaces. (The answer to questions
one and two is just one syllable long; it is either yes or
no. And notice if you experience any defense as you
answer. If your answer includes “because …” or “but
…”, this is not the one-syllable answer you are looking
for, and you are no longer doing The Work. You are
looking for freedom outside you. I am inviting you into a
new paradigm—alive, right here, right now.)
18
The Work of Byron Katie
4. Who would you be without the thought? Now
consider who you would be, in that same situation,
without the thought Paul doesn’t listen to me about
his health. Who (or how) would you be in the same
situation if you didn’t believe that thought? Close
your eyes and imagine Paul apparently not listening
to you. Imagine yourself without the thought that Paul
doesn’t listen to you (or that he even should listen).
Take your time. Notice whatever is revealed to you.
What do you see now? Notice the difference.
Turn it around. The original statement, Paul doesn’t
listen to me about his health, when turned around,
becomes “I don’t listen to myself about my health.” Is
that turnaround as true or truer? Now identify examples
of how you don’t listen to yourself about your health in
that very same situation with Paul. Find at least three
specific, genuine examples of how this turnaround is
true. For me, one example is that in that situation I was
out of control emotionally, and my heart was pumping.
Another turnaround is “I don’t listen to Paul about
his health.” Find at least three examples of how you
were not listening to Paul about his health, from his
19
20
The Work of Byron Katie
perspective, in that situation. Are you listening to Paul
when you’re thinking about him not listening to you?
A third turnaround is “Paul does listen to me about his
health.” For example, he put out the cigarette he was
smoking. He might light another one in five minutes, but
in that situation, even as he was telling me that he didn’t
care about his health, he was apparently listening to me.
For this and for each turnaround you discover, always
find at least three specific, genuine examples of how the
turnaround is true for you in this situation.
Judge your neighbor,
write it down.
Ask four questions,
turn it around.
- bk
After sitting with the turnarounds, you would continue
a typical inquiry with the next statement written on the
Worksheet—in this case, I want Paul to see that he is
wrong—and then with every other statement on the
Worksheet.
An Introduction
21
Your Turn: The Worksheet
Now you know enough to try The Work. First relax,
get very still, close your eyes, and wait for a stressful
situation to come to mind. Fill in the Judge-YourNeighbor Worksheet as you identify the thoughts and
feelings that you were experiencing in the situation
you have chosen to write about. Use short, simple
sentences. Remember to point the finger of blame or
judgment outward. You may write from your point of
view as a five-year-old or of any time or situation in
your life. Please do not write about yourself yet.
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The Work of Byron Katie
1. In this situation, time, and location, who angers,
confuses, or disappoints you, and why?
I don’t like (I am angry at, or saddened, frightened,
confused, etc., by) (name) because ______________ .
2. In this situation, how do you want them to
change? What do you want them to do?
I want (name) to _______________________________ .
3. In this situation, what advice would you offer
to them?
(Name) should (shouldn’t) ______________________ .
4. In order for you to be happy in this situation, what
do you need them to think, say, feel, or do?
I need (name) to ______________________________ .
5. What do you think of them in this situation? Make
a list.
(Name) is _____________________________________ .
6. What is it in or about this situation that you don’t
ever want to experience again?
I don’t ever want ______________________________ .
An Introduction
23
24
The Work of Byron Katie
Your Turn: The Inquiry
revelations about yourself and your world, revelations
that will transform your whole life, forever.
One by one, put each statement on the Judge-YourNeighbor Worksheet up against the four questions.
Then turn around the statement you’re working on
and find at least three specific, genuine examples
for each turnaround. (Refer back to the example in
the section entitled “How to Fill In the Worksheet.”
You can also find help at thework.com, or with The
Work App, which includes a tutorial with Byron Katie.)
Throughout this process, explore being open to
possibilities beyond what you think you know. There’s
nothing more exciting than discovering the don’tknow mind.
This Work is meditation. It’s like diving into yourself.
Contemplate the questions, drop down into the depths
of yourself, listen, and wait. The answer will find your
question. The mind will join the heart, no matter how
closed down or hopeless you think you are: the gentler
polarity of mind (which I call the heart) will meet the
polarity that is confused because it hasn’t yet been
enlightened to itself. When the mind asks sincerely,
the heart will respond. You may begin to experience
An Introduction
25
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
If your answer to question 1 is yes, ask yourself, “Can
I absolutely know that it’s true?” In many cases, the
statement appears to be true. Of course it does. Your
concepts are based on a lifetime of uninvestigated
beliefs.
After I woke up to reality in 1986, I noticed many
times how people, in conversations, the media, and
books, made statements such as “There isn’t enough
understanding in the world,” “There’s too much
violence,” “We should love one another more.” These
were stories I used to believe, too. They seemed
sensitive, kind, and caring, but as I heard them, I
noticed that believing them caused stress and that
they didn’t feel peaceful inside me.
For instance, when I heard someone say, “People
should be more loving,” the question would arise in
me “Can I absolutely know that that’s true? Can I really
know for myself, within myself, that people should be
more loving? Even if the whole world tells me so, is it
really true?” And to my amazement, when I listened
within myself, I saw that the world is what it is in this
An Introduction
27
Look at statement 1 on your Worksheet. Now ask
yourself the following questions:
1. Is it true?
Reality, for me, is what is true. The truth is whatever is in
front of you, whatever is really happening. Whether you
like it or not, it’s raining now. “It shouldn’t be raining”
is just a thought. In reality, there is no such thing as
a “should” or a “shouldn’t.” These are only thoughts
that we impose onto reality. Without the “should” and
“shouldn’t,” we can see reality as it is, and this leaves us
free to act efficiently, clearly, and sanely.
When asking the first question, take your time. The
answer is either yes or no. (If no, move to question 3.) The
Work is about discovering what is true from the deepest
part of yourself. You are listening for your answer now,
not other people’s, and not anything you have been
taught. This can be very unsettling at first, because you’re
entering the unknown. As you continue to dive more
deeply, allow the experience to have you completely.
26
The Work of Byron Katie
moment and that in this moment people couldn’t
possibly be more loving than they were. Where reality
is concerned, there is no “what should be.” There
is only “what is,” just the way it is, right now. The
truth is prior to every story. And every story, prior to
investigation, prevents us from seeing what’s true.
Now I could finally inquire of every potentially
uncomfortable story, “Can I absolutely know that
it’s true?” And the answer, like the question, was an
experience: No. I would stand rooted in that answer—
solitary, peaceful, free.
How could no be the right answer? Everyone I knew, and
all the books, said that the answer should be yes. But I
came to see that the truth is itself and will not be dictated
to by anyone. In the presence of that inner no, I came to
see that the world is always as it should be, whether I
opposed it or not. And I came to embrace reality with all
my heart. I love the world, without any conditions.
If your answer is still yes, good. If you think that
you can absolutely know that that’s true, that’s as it
should be, and it’s fine to move on to question 3.
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The Work of Byron Katie
3. How do you react, what happens, when
you believe that thought?
fearful eyes, a sleepwalker, someone in a seemingly
endless nightmare. The remedy was simply to inquire.
With this question, we begin to notice internal cause
and effect. You can see that when you believe the
thought, there is an uneasy feeling, a disturbance that
can range from mild discomfort to fear or panic.
I love question 3. Once you answer it for yourself, once
you see the cause and effect of a thought, all suffering
begins to unravel.
After the four questions found me, I would notice
thoughts like “People should be more loving,” and I
would see that thoughts like these caused a feeling of
uneasiness in me. I noticed that prior to the thought,
there was peace. My mind was quiet, alert, and serene.
This is who I am without my story. Then, in the stillness
of awareness, I began to notice the feelings that came
from believing or attaching to the thought. And in the
stillness I could see that if I were to believe the thought,
the result would be a feeling of unease and sadness.
When I asked, “How do I react when I believe the
thought that people should be more loving?” I saw
that not only did I have an uncomfortable feeling (this
was obvious), but I also reacted with mental images
to prove that the thought was true. I flew off into an
imagined world that didn’t exist. I reacted by living in a
stressed-out body and mind, seeing everything through
An Introduction
29
4. Who would you be without the thought?
This is a very powerful question. Who or what would
you be without the thought? How would you be without
the thought? Picture yourself standing in the presence
of the person you have written about when they’re
doing what you think they shouldn’t be doing. Now,
just for a minute or two, close your eyes and imagine
who you would be if you didn’t even have the ability to
think this thought. How would your life be different in
the same situation without the thought? Keep your eyes
closed and watch them without your story. What do you
see? How do you feel about them without the story?
Which do you prefer—with or without your story? Which
feels kinder? Which feels more peaceful?
For many people, life without their story is literally
unimaginable. They have no reference for it. So “I
30
The Work of Byron Katie
don’t know” is a common answer to this question.
Other people answer by saying, “I’d be free,” “I’d be
peaceful,” “I’d be a more loving person.” You could
also say, “I’d be clear enough to understand the
situation and act in an appropriate, intelligent way.”
Without our stories, we are not only able to act clearly
and fearlessly; we are also a friend, a listener. We are
people living happy lives. We are appreciation and
gratitude that have become as natural as breath itself.
Happiness is the natural state for someone who knows
that there’s nothing to know and that we already have
everything we need, right here now.
continue with “I don’t listen to Paul about his health.”
Another type is a 180-degree turnaround to the extreme
opposite: “Paul does listen to me about his health.”
Don’t forget, for each turnaround find at least three
specific, genuine examples of how the turnaround is
true for you in this situation. This is not about blaming
yourself or feeling guilty. It’s about discovering
alternatives that can bring you peace.
Turn it around.
For each turnaround, go back and start with the
original statement. For example, “He shouldn’t waste
his time” may be turned around to “I shouldn’t waste
my time,” “I shouldn’t waste his time,” and “He
should waste his time.” Note that “I should waste
my time” and “I should waste his time” are not valid
turnarounds; they are turnarounds of turnarounds,
rather than turnarounds of the original statement.
To do the turnarounds, find opposites of the original
statement on your Worksheet. Often a statement can
be turned around to the self, to the other, and to the
opposite. First, write it as if it were written about you.
Where you have written someone’s name, put yourself.
Instead of “he” or “she,” put “I.” For example, “Paul
doesn’t listen to me about his health” turns around to
“I don’t listen to myself about my health.” Find at least
three specific, genuine examples of how this turnaround
is as true as or truer than your original statement. Then
An Introduction
31
Not every statement has as many as three turnarounds,
and some have more than three. Some turnarounds
may not make any sense to you. Don’t force these.
The turnarounds are a very powerful part of The Work.
As long as you think that the cause of your problem
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The Work of Byron Katie
is “out there”—as long as you think that anyone or
anything else is responsible for your suffering—the
situation is hopeless. It means that you are forever in
the role of the victim, that you’re suffering in paradise.
So bring the truth home to yourself and begin to set
yourself free. It’s no longer necessary to wait for
people or situations to change in order to experience
peace and harmony. The Work is the direct way to
orchestrate your own happiness.
The Turnaround for
Statement 6
The turnaround for statement 6 on the Judge-YourNeighbor Worksheet is a little different from the others.
“I don’t ever want to…” turns around to “I am willing
to…” and “I look forward to…” For example, “I don’t
ever want Paul to lie to me again” turns around to “I
am willing to have Paul lie to me again” and “I look
forward to having Paul lie to me again.”
This turnaround is about embracing all of life, just
as it is. Saying—and meaning—“I am willing to…”
creates open-mindedness, creativity, and flexibility.
Any resistance you may have to the world is softened,
and that allows you to open up to the situation in
your life rather than hopelessly applying willpower
to eradicate it or keep it away. Saying and meaning
“I look forward to…” actively opens you to life as it
unfolds. Some of us have learned to accept what is,
and I am here to invite you to go further, to actually
love what is. This is our natural state. Total freedom
without fear is our birthright.
An Introduction
33
It’s good to acknowledge that the same feelings or
situation may happen again, if only in your thoughts.
When you realize that suffering and discomfort are
the call to inquiry and to the freedom that follows, you
may actually begin to look forward to uncomfortable
feelings. You may even experience them as
friends coming to show you what you have not yet
investigated thoroughly enough.
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The Work of Byron Katie
Questions and Answers
Q I have a hard time writing about others. Can I write
about myself?
A If you want to know yourself, I suggest you write
about someone else. Point The Work outward
in the beginning, and you may come to see that
everything outside you is a direct reflection of
your thinking. It is all about you. Most of us have
been pointing our criticism and judgments at
ourselves for years, and it hasn’t solved anything
yet. Judging someone else, questioning these
judgments, and turning them around is the fast
path to understanding and self-realization.
Q How can you say that reality is good? What about
war, rape, poverty, violence, and child abuse? Are you
condoning them?
A How could I condone them? I’m not crazy. I
simply notice that if I believe they shouldn’t exist
when they do exist, I suffer. Can I just end the
war in me? Can I stop raping myself and others
An Introduction
35
36
The Work of Byron Katie
with my abusive thoughts and actions? If not, I’m
continuing in myself the very thing I want to end
in the world. I start with ending my own suffering,
my own war. This is a life’s work.
without conflict. If you find anything lacking, ever,
write down your thoughts and inquire. I find that
life never falls short and doesn’t require a future.
Everything I need is always supplied, and I don’t
have to do anything for it. There is nothing more
exciting than loving what is.
Q So what you’re saying is that I should just accept
reality as it is and not argue with it. Is that right?
Q What if I don’t have a problem with people? Can I
write about things, like my body?
A It’s not up to me to say what anyone should or
shouldn’t do. I simply ask, “What is the effect
of arguing with reality? How does it feel?” The
Work explores the cause and effect of attaching
to painful thoughts, and in that investigation we
find our freedom. To simply say that we shouldn’t
argue with reality just adds another story, another
philosophy or religion. It hasn’t ever worked.
A Yes. Do The Work on any subject that is stressful. As
you become familiar with the four questions and the
turnarounds, you may choose subjects such as the
body, disease, career, or even God. Then experiment
with using the term “my thinking” in place of the
subject when you do the turnarounds.
Q Loving what is sounds like never wanting anything.
Isn’t it more interesting to want things?
Example: “My body should be strong, flexible, and
healthy” becomes “My thinking should be strong,
flexible, and healthy.”
A My experience is that I do want something all the
time: what I want is what is. It’s not only interesting,
it’s ecstatic! When I want what I have, thought
and action aren’t separate; they move as one,
An Introduction
37
Isn’t that what you really want—a balanced, healthy
mind? Has a sick body ever been a problem, or
is it your thinking about the body that causes the
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The Work of Byron Katie
Q Is inquiry a process of thinking? If not, what is it?
problem? Investigate. Let your doctor take care of
your body as you take care of your thinking. I have
a friend who can’t move his body, and he loves
his life, because he loves what he thinks. Freedom
doesn’t require a healthy body. Free your mind.
A Inquiry appears to be a process of thinking, but
actually it’s a way to undo thinking. Thoughts lose
their power over us when we realize that they simply
appear in the mind. They’re not personal. Through
The Work, instead of escaping or suppressing our
thoughts, we learn to meet them with unconditional
love and understanding.
Q How can I learn to forgive someone who hurt me
very badly?
A Judge your enemy, write it down, ask four
questions, turn it around. See for yourself that
forgiveness means discovering that what you
thought happened didn’t. Until you can see that
there’s nothing to forgive, you haven’t really
forgiven. We’re all innocent; we hurt others
because we believe our unquestioned thoughts. No
one would ever harm another human being unless
they were confused. So whenever you suffer:
identify the thoughts you’re thinking, write them
down, question them, and allow the answers from
within to set you free. Be a child. Start from the
mind that knows nothing. Take your ignorance all
the way to freedom.
An Introduction
39
40
The Work of Byron Katie
You move totally away from reality when you believe
that there is a legitimate reason to suffer.
Katieisms
Reality is always kinder than the story we are believing
about it.
When you argue with reality, you lose—but only 100%
of the time.
Personalities don’t love—they want something.
I’m very clear that the whole world loves me. I just
don’t expect them to realize it yet.
If I had a prayer, it would be this: “God spare me from
the desire for love, approval, or appreciation. Amen.”
There are no physical problems—only mental ones.
Reality is God, because it rules.
Don’t pretend yourself beyond your own evolution.
When I am perfectly clear, what is is what I want.
An unquestioned mind is the only suffering.
Arguing with reality is like trying to teach a cat to
bark—hopeless.
You either believe what you think or you question it.
There’s no other choice.
No one can hurt me—that’s my job.
How do I know that I don’t need what I want? I don’t
have it.
The worst thing that has ever happened is an
unquestioned thought.
Forgiveness is realizing that what you thought
happened didn’t.
Sanity doesn’t suffer, ever.
Everything happens for me, not to me.
If I think you’re my problem, I’m insane.
Gratitude is what we are without a story.
I don’t let go of my concepts—I question them. Then
they let go of me.
An Introduction
41
The School for The Work
The Work of Byron Katie
Weekend Workshops
The School for The Work is the ultimate inner adventure.
Unlike every other school on earth, this one isn’t for
learning—it’s for unlearning. You’ll spend nine days losing
the fear-based stories you’ve innocently clung to all your
life. The curriculum at the School is a living, evolving
process, changing with the needs of the participants and
on the basis of past students’ experiences. Each exercise
is led directly by Katie and is tailored to meet the needs of
the participants attending—no two Schools are the same.
And after nine days with Katie, you won’t be either. “Once
the four questions are alive inside you,” Katie says, “your
mind becomes clear, and therefore the world you project
becomes clear. This is more radical than anyone can
possibly imagine.”
The No-Body Intensive
The No-Body Intensive, a five-day guided exploration of
your belief system, lovingly explores and questions the main
aspects of identity. It brings to awareness everything identity
is made of. It looks at how we create an identity, what it feels
like to carry it, and how we can un-create it. Every step is a
joyful lightening of being as your true nature appears.
An Introduction
42
43
Weekend workshops are an opportunity to experience
the power of the School in a two- or three-day program.
Katie leads participants through some of her most
powerful exercises, designed to mirror the transformation
she went through after awakening to reality. By working
on issues such as gender, body image, addiction,
money, and relationships, you’ll discover deeper levels
of freedom. The workshops have been called “amazing,”
“revelatory,” and “the most powerful weekend of my life.”
The Store for The Work
A popular and enjoyable way to deepen one’s
understanding of The Work is to listen to Katie as she
facilitates others. Her fluidity, her balance of firmness
and compassion, and her trademark sense of humor all
make for great entertainment and powerful realizations.
The Store for The Work offers audios and videos of Katie
expertly facilitating audience members on topics such as
sex, money, parents, relationships, work, and much more.
Visit storeforthework.com.
44
The Work of Byron Katie
The Work on the Internet
Katie and The Work are always accessible at
thework.com. When you visit the website, you’ll be able
to do any of the following: read detailed instructions
about The Work; watch video clips of Katie facilitating
people on a wide variety of issues; view Katie’s calendar
of events; register for an upcoming nine-day School for
The Work, a five-day No-Body Intensive, a weekend
program, or Turnaround House; find out how to call
the free Do The Work Helpline; learn about the Institute
for The Work and its Certified Facilitators; download
Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheets; listen to archived
radio interviews; download apps for your iPhone, iPad,
or Android; subscribe to the free newsletter; or shop in
the online store. We also invite you to Katie’s Twitter and
Facebook pages, with periodic live streaming video.
An Introduction
45
Turnaround House
for The Work
After attending the School for The
Work, you are invited to join the more
than one thousand members enrolled in
the Institute for The Work of Byron Katie. The Institute
offers School graduates a way to stay immersed in The
Work and offers the only official certification program
for The Work. Whether or not you choose to enroll in
the Certification Program, you’ll have access to The
Work community forums. The forums are an exciting
interactive hub where members from around the world
connect to discuss relevant issues, and where you can
view and discuss “Topics with Byron Katie.” You’ll also
have the opportunity to do The Work on a regular basis
in our Daily Practice program. For more information,
visit instituteforthework.com.
46
The Work of Byron Katie
The Four Questions
Turnaround House is the twentyeight-day residential program
that confronts the ultimate
addiction, the only addiction:
the mind’s addiction to the
unquestioned thoughts that cause all the suffering
and internal violence in the world. It is focused on
The Work of Byron Katie, which millions of people—
addicts, veterans, prisoners, students, homemakers,
executives, politicians, mental health professionals,
people from all walks of life—have used to overcome
deep-seated self-defeating confusion, depression,
addiction, and unwanted behaviors. Turnaround
House is the only program approved by Byron
Katie to use The Work for addiction and emotional
rehabilitation. In an eco-friendly, supportive, and safe
place, Byron Katie and her staff guide you through a
program that is specifically designed to radically turn
your life around.
An Introduction
For School Graduates:
The Institute for
The Work
47
Here are the four questions again. Some people print
them from a free template available at thework.com or
buy The Work App to keep sanity close at hand.
1.
2.
3.
4.
Is it true? (Yes or no. If no, move to question 3.)
Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.)
How do you react, what happens, when you
believe that thought?
Who would you be without the thought?
Turn the statement around to the self, to the other,
and to the opposite. Then find at least three specific,
genuine examples of how each turnaround is as true as
or truer than the original statement.
48
The Work of Byron Katie
“ Byron Katie’s Work is a great
blessing for our planet.
The Work acts like a razor-sharp sword that
cuts through illusion and enables you to know
for yourself the timeless essence of your being.”
—Eckhart Tolle, author of The Power of Now
Contributions to The Work Foundation are gratefully
accepted. Through your gifts, others will have the
opportunity to learn this transformational practice. You
can make a contribution by mail to The Work Foundation,
P.O. Box 638, Ojai, CA 93024, USA; on our website,
theworkfoundationinc.org; or by calling Byron Katie
International at 800.98KATIE (52843).
T H E W O R K O F B Y R O N K AT I E
P.O. Box 1206, Ojai, CA 93024, USA
A PDF version of this booklet can be downloaded
on thework.com. This booklet includes excerpts
from Loving What Is, which is available
wherever books are sold, and through
thework.com .
How to Silence Your Nasty Inner Critic
By Erin Cox. Posted: 10/23/2013 8:37 am
Huffington Post The Third Metric
I recently pulled a random card from Louise Hay's Power Thought Cards, and mine said: I release all fears
and doubts. How fitting, I thought. It certainly is something that I am conscious of trying to do every
single day before I make the next leap, send the next email, write the next blog, or launch the next
product. My inner critic used to speak up before nearly every move I made when going into business for
myself, and now that I recognize her, I am learning to shut her down...
Every day gives me multiple opportunities to keep my inner critic in check. Do you have an inner critic? If
so, let's learn how to keep her in check!
The first step is recognizing this inner critic, this voice that chimes into your consciousness in negative
ways, letting you know how you might fail or what you're not doing right. I like to give "her" a name...
maybe a name that doesn't invoke positive thoughts so you can learn to discount her input into your
life.
For the sake of discussion, I'll call her Mavis. When you are about do something big, or even something
slightly outside of your comfort level, Mavis is bound to step in and try to dissuade you. She might say
something like:
•
•
•
•
Who do you think you are?
Why would anyone want to listen to you?
Who is going to purchase your new product?
Nobody is going to show up.
And you know what, Mavis might be right. But what's the worst that can happen?
The best thing we can learn to do is keep Mavis in her place. Self-doubt lives in nearly all human beings,
but we need to keep it in check and have some strategies in place to move forward despite those
thoughts and feelings.
Realize that self-doubt is just that, a thought or feeling. Let's learn to neutralize Mavis!
Here is an easy step-by-step guide to silence your inner critic:
1. Recognize the voice of your inner critic and become aware of the input that she gives you
(usually false). Know that your inner critic is simply your ego filling you with self-doubt and
causing you to lose confidence. Give her a name if that helps you (the uglier name, the better),
so you can tell her to leave you alone... by name.
2. Ask yourself, "Is what the inner critic is saying true?" If not, tell her to shut up and keep moving
forward.
3. If what she says could be true, then ask yourself, what's the worst thing that could happen?
Come to terms with the worst thing and neutralize it. Hey, if nobody buys your online class or
comes to your event, then learn from that experience and make it better next time. Remember
that you can never truly fail unless you quit.
4. Say a positive affirmation in your mind that discounts that darn inner critic, such as: I have
incredible information to share with the world and people are open and receptive to my words.
5. Finally, move forward with what you were doing and take the next step of your journey and leap
into your greatness!
I want to hear from you. Do you have an inner critic that holds you back? Do you listen to her or give her
credibility? Share your experiences and silencing strategies with me her or on my website!
DDB 9/4/2013 The Law of Thinking
The Law of Thinking shows us that the way we think brings the results we
have in our life.
Look at your results to give you insight into what you are truly thinking in
your heart.
Once we see the results that stem from our thoughts, we can consciously
choose to keep thinking the same thoughts or to change them.
Are your thoughts simply the patterns that you inherited, repeating over
and over, or are you truly using your creative capacity to engineer thoughts
that will yield the results you want most?
The choice is yours.
Here's To Your Creative Capacity,
Forgiveness
Holding on to resentment is like taking poison
and hoping the other person will die. —Carolyn Myss
On our spiritual journey toward prosperity, we are
aspiring to a forgiveness that is so deep, so full, and so
complete that no traces of any bad feeling at all will
remain within us.
—Edwene Gaines
Why should we forgive ourselves or the people who have done us wrong?
Because harboring a grudge completely blocks our ability to have peace of mind. All sorts of
studies indicate that negative thoughts, feelings, words, and behaviors affect our mental and
physical health, our success, and our self-worth. Forgiveness is not something we do for the
sake of another person. Forgiveness is something we do for ourselves.
Forgiveness and Financial Debt
Forgiveness is a wonderful gift that will help you achieve greater serenity and peace of mind.
But the rewards you get from it are not just emotional; they are financial, too. If you are
carrying debt around, the quickest way to get out of that debt is to forgive. And where did that
debt come from, unforgiveness with yourself.
Prayer and Forgiveness
Forgiveness can be like an onion with many layers. Some can be very hard to deal with, so this
is where prayer and prayer triads or partners can be very important. Connect with two of your
classmates and form triads for support in difficult times. If you are doing this on your own find
two friends that are just willing to be of prayer support. These people will be able to hold the
highlight for you when you can’t hold it for yourself.
The practice of forgiveness is our most important
contribution to the healing of the world.
8—Forgiveness
—Marianne Williamson
Forgiveness Techniques
Forgiveness Technique Number 1
Writing, speaking and listening to forgiveness affirmations are all effective ways to begin the
process of forgiveness. You can use the ones below or create your own. Always remember to
say what you want to be true as if it is already true.
• I forgive myself completely for every mistake I have ever made.
• I forgive others, knowing that we all did the best we could at that time.
• I let go of guilt, blame, shame, judgment, and hurt.
• I am free from condemnation.
• I forgive my parents completely.
• I forgive everyone who did not give me the love and attention I desired.
• I forgive myself for my unconscious behaviors of the past.
• I forgive others theirs as well.
• I allow myself to feel forgiven and to move forward in life.
Forgiveness Technique Number 2
Every night ask yourself prayerfully “Have I put anyone outside my heart today?” If you have,
take time to forgive yourself for this judgment made in an unconscious moment, and to release
your need to control others’ behavior. Come again to the realization that how others act, drive,
dress, speak, spend, vote, and generally behave is none of your business. Then invite them
back into your heart, looking to see what caused you to toss them out, forgiving them and
yourself, making a new commitment to be more awake and aware.
Forgiveness Technique Number 3
At least once a year, but usually more often, do a complete forgiveness inventory of your
entire life. Set aside a day and find a quiet place to face yourself and your past. Alone and
uninterrupted, mentally go through your whole life as far back as you can remember. Gently
and easily, release and let go. Forgive all those in the past that need forgiveness.
Forgiveness Technique Number 4
It is time to work on forgiving yourself. We do this by writing down every single dumb or wrong
thing we have ever done. (For some of us, this will take awhile.) Then you must share your
list with someone else, someone you care about as much as they care about you, someone you
completely and totally trust. All you want them to do is listen. Just the simple act of telling about
something can release it. Surround yourself with love and know the healing has taken place.
Forgiveness— 9
Forgiveness Technique Number 5
If there is something or someone you are still having a hard time letting go of, ask God for
help. Maybe it is time to ask God, Jesus, Mary, Buddha or whomever you chose to sit with
you, while you consciously forgive yourself or another. Feel that Presence holding your hand,
reminding you that you are whole, perfect and complete. “I love you just the way you are and
all is forgiven.” Next, call to mind anyone that you need to forgive but who you have not been
able to. What you cannot do, God can. Imagine that person right there with you and tell that
person whatever you need to tell them in order to forgive them.
Now, bring up anything bad that you have done that you may feel guilty about. Ask for
forgiveness and in asking, feel the love that surrounds you. God gently reminds you, “You are
my beloved. It is gone. You are free. You are not guilty. You do not need those bad feelings any
more. Release them and let them go.” Take a deep breath and say “I'm free! I am forgiven. I am
at peace.”
And it is done.
Edwene also offers a wonderful CD on forgiveness entitled “Deep Profound Forgiveness” that
can be ordered at www.prosperityproducts.com
10—Forgiveness
Forgiveness: A Journaling Exercise
When we have carried a grudge it can be hard to know how to let go. Every night journal on:
“Have I put anyone outside my heart today?” Do this prayerfully and be honest with yourself.
If you find you have, write out exactly what it is you want to forgive. Seeing a statement of
forgiveness clearly written in black and white can be a powerful way to help you forgive. Fill
in the following blanks and see if that simple act does not help you start to release long-held
grudges.
Today I put
out of my heart and now I am ready to forgive:
I am over being the victim of my own unforgiveness:
I am no longer going to hold unforgiveness towards
for:
I forgive my parents for:
Above all, I forgive myself once and for all for:
It is done!
Forgiveness— 11
The Seven Habits Of Highly Dramatic People
By Scott Kalechstein Grace
Do gratitude, contentment, and inner peace sometimes creep up on you and undermine
your ability to indulge your anxiety?
Here's a quick and handy two-step process to make sure you get your M.D.R. (minimum
daily requirements) of worry and chaos.
1. Believe and act like your safety, security, and happiness are dependent on people and
forces outside of you that you can't control.
2. Try to control them.
For those of you who prefer to keep it complex, here are seven habits to develop that will help you go
deeper into your practice and guarantee a daily overdose of adrenaline. Allow me to be your drama
director as we shout out the traditional opening words… "Lights! Camera!! RE-ACTION!!!
#1. Harness The Power Of Negative Thinking - Everybody accentuates the negative on occasion. What
if I can't pay my bills? What if I lose my house? What if I get sick? What if I'm alone for life? What if I'm
in this relationship for life? But as your drama coach, I want to inspire you to master 'The Secret' by
focusing all of your attention on the most negative possible outcomes all of the time. When this discipline
has been achieved, you can relax into the certainty that you will always find something to freak out about
in any situation, and fear will never abandon you again.
#2. Be Busy Till You're Dizzy - Being too busy to still your mind and take good care of your body is
essential on the path to drama-realization. Temptation is everywhere these days - health food stores, spas,
gyms, yoga studios, meditation classes, and it takes courage to maintain abstinence while the whole world
is stretching, sweating, chanting, and going organic. Remember, as our parents tried to warn us, engaging
in meditation can lead to blindness, losing sight of all the things right in front of you to worry about. So
wake up every morning painfully early, splash cold water on your face, brew up your caffeine, and go,
speed racer, go! Have you answered all your emails? Who needs a shoulder to lean on? Is there something
on TV? Always make sure your life and your mind are filled with clutter and free of those annoying
empty spaces between your thoughts that can disturb your absence of peace.
#3. Have A Swinging Good Time - In the 60's and 70's, a swinger was a person who relieved the
monotony of monogamy by attending a variety of extra-curricular relationships. Nowadays, the term
swingers has broadened, and is often used to refer to drama majors when they are found swinging like a
pendulum from one extreme to another, churning with the thrill of constant crises, skillfully sidestepping
the boredom of emotional stability. Would you like to be able to create, at the snap your fingers, a soap
opera drenched in drama anytime you want? All you need to do is to stuff your feelings till you can't hold
them in any longer, and then explode without restraint or care for anyone, especially the ones you care
most about. As a practice, try being 100% nice and sweet. Stretch yourself to accommodate someone as
much and as long as you can, and then take the lid off and let the steam out, like Mt. Saint Helens does
once in a while. There is nothing as satisfying as having a good eruption after being good and silent for a
spell.
#4. Leave Your Inner Child Alone Without Parental Guidance - When the child inside the adult gets
scared, some really juicy drama can happen, but only if we withhold our compassion, re-assurance, and
loving boundaries. When we can resist such mushy self-help nonsense, our inner children will wreak
havoc trying to get those things from others, usually through some very exciting acting out in the drama
department. When two or more people abandon their little kids at the same time, oh boy, that's when the
fun begins. The adults have left the vehicle, and you can guess who's in the front seat, banging on the
horn, flooding the accelerator, yelling out the window, and playing extreme bumper cars. Yippee!
#5. Set Huge Goals, Maintain Unrealistic Expectations -There is nothing more beneficial to your
lifestyle than the habit of reaching for the stars, falling short of your lofty goals, and feeling like a
colossal failure. Taking big leaps and falling flat on your face is paramount for maintaining healthy low
self-esteem, which is the foundation of all good drama. Go for the mountaintop, and don't look down at
your feet on your way. One step at a time is for people satisfied with proceeding at a snail's pace, always
leaving behind a slime trail of serenity, gentleness, balance, and other dismal downers that drama kings
and queens take royal pains to avoid. You can do better than that!
#6. Judge Your Judgments - Every human being judges, but only the ones who have learned the art of
judging their own judgments excel in creating melodrama. Have you ever been known to shame and
blame yourself for feeling afraid and stuck, telling yourself that there is something really wrong with you
for not moving forward? Good! You are on the right track. Now, take your next step. Judge your
judgments! Tell yourself that you should know better than to shame and blame yourself. Heap truckloads
of guilt on yourself for stooping so low to the curb of self-criticism, yet again. This will make you quite
an energetic downer that can't help but suck energy from those around you. You'll be the lifelessness of
the party!
#7. Get Grounded In The 3 B's...Blame, Blame, & Blame! - Blaming yourself has already been
covered. But don't rest there. Blame everyone else too. Life's not going the way you want? Blame, blame,
blame! Blame first, ask questions and take responsibility later, if at all. Appropriate targets are Mom and
Dad, friends (if you still have any), your mate (if they are still around), The Obama administration, the
Bush administration, big corporations, small minds, and, of course, God. Self-responsibility can lead to
issues finding solutions, which flushes good drama right down the drain. Instead, be generous with the
blame dispenser, letting it overflow on everyone, uncontained, uncensored, unedited. Blame, Blame,
Blame!
Affirmations For Good Drama
Every day in every way I am stressing out over everything, real or imagined.
Everything is working together to conspire to bring the worst possible outcome to my doorstep.
Life is against me and I am doomed.
This, or something worse, is now manifesting for the highest cost to all concerned.
I no longer have to work to create drama. Drama happens effortlessly and naturally, all around me.
Whatever calamity I can conceive, I can achieve.
I always have everything I need to manifest everything I don't want, and all is hell in my world.
Copyright 2013 Scott Kalechstein Grace, All Rights Reserved
Have you ever stood in front of a fire when one of the embers sparked out and perhaps landed on your
jacket or your sleeve?
You know that if you leave that ember there it will quickly burn a hole in your clothing. However, if you
immediately flick it off there is just a little bit of soot that remains, and no lasting damage.
Your thoughts are like those embers. When thoughts arise out of feelings of resentment, revenge, or
envy, you must quickly flick them away.
These thoughts can fuel the negative emotions to continue, which affects the health of your cells, and
can actually erode your sense of connection with life.
You want to cancel the whole process right away and turn your attention to loving, offering appreciation
and gratitude. These higher frequencies open the doorway to life in balance, life in harmony.
So today if you notice any negative thought, let it go, and turn back to the truth that life is abundant and
meant to be enjoyed.
Focus on Gratitude,