Student Sample Evidence/Analysis Sentences
In his 1920 poem “Dulce et Decorum Est,” poet Wilfred Owen demonstrates that war is a horrific experience
that has long-lasting effects. Diction, similes, and visual imagery work together to paint this bitter reality.
Helpful hints for evidence and analysis sentences:
Evidence sentences
• Avoid simply starting with: ____ says, “_____” (15).
• Provide context so that the reader knows what happens in the poem when the line you are quoting
occurs.
• Cite line numbers correctly, using just one punctuation mark:
o Kljdasfi lajlkjdsl ajjldsf “_____” (15).
o “_____” lajdfkl alkjduve slkld (15).
o Jdls dnlcja nclkjs “_____?” (15)
o Lkjsdflk “_____” (14) alsjdl “_____” (15).
Analysis sentences
• Break the quotation down instead of discussing it as one big chunk. This is particularly important when
analyzing diction.
• Avoid simply paraphrasing quotations (i.e. putting quotations into your own words). Paraphrasing might
show that you understand the text on a literal level, but it is not analyzing.
• Avoid starting your analysis with “This quotation shows…” or “This shows…” It is redundant and does
not show an awareness of how the text is put together.
• Use terminology in your analysis.
• Use present tense (NOT present progressive/continuous. Don’t use “He is showing…” Use “He
shows…”
Here is a model for the first paragraph:
Owen’s diction effectively communicates to his readers that the fear
soldiers feel during war continues even after the war ends. The speaker states
that the image of the dying soldier recurs in his “smothering dreams” (17).
“Dreams” typically has a positive connotation, but when combined with
“smothering,” the phrase takes on a frightening meaning. “Smothering” has a
negative connotation and can be associated with a slow suffocation, thus
driving the reader to realize that the vision of the dying soldier not only
haunts the speaker’s dreams, but actually makes him feel like he himself is
slowly dying as a result of those repeating visions. In addition to using words
with negative connotations, Owen implies the continuation of soldiers’ fears
even after war ends by using present participles such as “guttering, choking,
drowning” and present tense verbs like “plunges” (16). If the horrifying
image of his comrade were written about using past tense, Owen would imply
that he no longer sees the image. However, by using present participles and
verbs, he gives the reader the feeling that he still experiences seeing this
death, and the effects of having seen it are long-lasting. Owen uses diction
that connotes death, sickness, and ruin, giving the reader no choice but to see
all of the horror that war leads to and the ways in which soldiers are haunted.
Comments: While it
is not necessary to
always include
more than one
quotation in a body
paragraph,
sometimes it is
more effective than
including just one.
Notice that that
analysis sentences
(marked in blue)
make up the bulk of
this paragraph
because they
develop support for
the argument.
Here are some paragraphs from periods 2 and 3:
Owen’s use of similes effectively portrays the harsh conditions soldiers
endure in war. When the speaker sees his fellow comrade dying, he compares
his face to one "like a devil’s sick of sin" which shows the reader the horrors
of the war. The speaker, as a soldier, is forced to watch his fellow allies die.
The use of comparing his "hanging face" to that of the "devil" displays a great
deal of emotion, as a soldier watches his friend being burned alive, and with
his death, he sees the devil, a figure of evil. Thus, Owen’s similes force the
reader to recognize the soldiers’ vulnerability and the often-fatal results of
war. Because the reader better understands the soldiers’ experiences due to
the similes, war is effectively portrayed as a harsh reality, unlike the poems
prior to this time that depicted a soldier’s death as honorable and full of glory.
Comments:
Although this group
forgot to cite the
line number, the
evidence sentence
provides a nicely
integrated quotation
with just enough
context.
Owen’s use of similes effectively portrays the harsh conditions soldiers
endure in war. The first lines contain similes that describe the soldiers being
"Bent double, like old beggars under sacks" (1) and "Knock-kneed, coughing
like hags" (2). Owen relates the soldiers to "beggars” and “hags" in order to
depict them in unpleasant and deplorable situations and show the inhumane
positions that the soldiers are left in. Thus, Owen’s similes force the reader to
recognize the soldiers’ vulnerability and the often-fatal results of war.
Because the reader better understands the soldiers’ experiences due to the
similes, war is effectively portrayed as a harsh reality, unlike the poems prior
to this time that depicted a soldier’s death as honorable and full of glory.
Comments: The
analysis sentence
starts well but could
use more about the
word choice in this
simile. Good
example of an
evidence sentence
with two
quotations.
Owen’s use of similes effectively portrays the harsh conditions soldiers
endure in war. The speaker describes the soldiers as, "Knock-kneed, coughing
like hags" displaying the physical distress that war can have on an individual
while fighting in a war (2). "Knock-kneed" implies that there is roughed
terrain that severely impacts a soldier’s ability to walk. "Coughing likes hags"
displays visual imagery of the pollution that war causes that affects one’s
breathing. The similes Owen uses displays the harsh conditions a soldier
would go through while fighting in a war. Thus, Owen’s similes force the
reader to recognize the soldiers’ vulnerability and the often-fatal results of
war. Because the reader better understands the soldiers’ experiences due to
the similes, war is effectively portrayed as a harsh reality, unlike the poems
prior to this time that depicted a soldier’s death as honorable and full of glory.
Comments: Strong
evidence sentence.
In the analysis
sentences, I think
the coughs of the
soldier’s are due
more to spreading
sickness and
unhygienic
conditions than
pollution.
Owen’s use of similes effectively portrays the harsh conditions soldiers
endure in war. The speaker makes note of the harsh and terrifying conditions
of war through his recollection of seeing a solider, "Floundering like a man in
fire or lime"(12). The use of the word "floundering" implies a helpless and
clumsy struggle through the mud of the trenches; furthermore, the...Thus,
Owen’s similes force the reader to recognize the soldiers’ vulnerability and
the often-fatal results of war. Because the reader better understands the
soldiers’ experiences due to the similes, war is effectively portrayed as a
harsh reality, unlike the poems prior to this time that depicted a soldier’s
death as honorable and full of glory.
Comments: While
the analysis
sentences are
incomplete, I am
happy to see that
this group has
started to break the
quotation down.
Owen’s use of similes effectively portrays the harsh conditions soldiers
endure in war. The speaker compares the soldiers to "old beggars under
sacks" as a depiction of the hardships they have to endure (1). "Old beggars"
are in a state of destitution, and the comparison of soldiers to old beggars
greatly contradicts how soldiers were portrayed as heroes of the time. Thus,
Owen’s similes force the reader to recognize the soldiers’ vulnerability and
the often-fatal results of war. Because the reader better understands the
soldiers’ experiences due to the similes, war is effectively portrayed as a
harsh reality, unlike the poems prior to this time that depicted a soldier’s
death as honorable and full of glory.
Comments: The
analysis sentence
could have
explored why WWI
soldiers might not
be depicted as
heroes. i.e. What is
the effect of this
simile on the
readers?
Here are some paragraphs from periods 6, 7, and 8:
Owen’s use of similes effectively portrays the harsh conditions soldiers
endure in war. The speaker describes the sight of a dying man from gas and
the war having a direct impact on the dying soldier through "his hanging face,
like a devil's sick of sin" (20). The devil, which is normally associated with
ideas or people that are the evil in spirit, emphasizes the horrific ideas of war,
and the toll it takes on the soldiers. Thus, Owen’s similes force the reader to
recognize the soldiers’ vulnerability and the often-fatal results of war.
Because the reader better understands the soldiers’ experiences due to the
similes, war is effectively portrayed as a harsh reality, unlike the poems prior
to this time that depicted a soldier’s death as honorable and full of glory.
Comments: The
evidence sentence
is well done, but the
analysis sentence
could go further
since it does not
show how the
simile expresses the
magnitude of the
horrors the soldiers
must face.
Owen’s use of similes effectively portrays the harsh conditions soldiers
endure in war. After the gas explosion the speaker sees another soldier
"floundering like a man in a fire or lime" (line 12). This portrays how men in
the war struggled to survive the vicious attacks upon them, while also
showing how helpless these men were in their vulnerable state. Owen creates
a sense of panic among the soldiers, to portray to the reader of the fear these
men had. Thus, Owen’s similes force the reader to recognize the soldiers’
vulnerability and the often-fatal results of war. Because the reader better
understands the soldiers’ experiences due to the similes, war is effectively
portrayed as a harsh reality, unlike the poems prior to this time that depicted a
soldier’s death as honorable and full of glory.
Comments: The
second analysis
sentence is stronger
than the first, in
part because the
first starts with
“This portrays,”
which is no
different from “this
shows…”
Owen’s use of similes effectively portrays the harsh conditions soldiers
endure in war. Owen describes a drowning man from the battle, who is
"flound'ring like a man in fire or lime--"(12). "Flound'ring" is the action that
the soldier performs when he is trying to survive from drowning. The soldier
is not in control of his actions and is moving around in confusion, in the same
way a man on fire would be moving. Thus, Owen’s similes force the reader to
recognize the soldiers’ vulnerability and the often-fatal results of war.
Because the reader better understands the soldiers’ experiences due to the
similes, war is effectively portrayed as a harsh reality, unlike the poems prior
to this time that depicted a soldier’s death as honorable and full of glory.
Comments
“Flound’ring,” is
key to analyzing the
simile; however, it
is not something
that a soldier does,
which is part of
why it is an
effective simile.
Owen’s use of similes effectively portrays the harsh conditions soldiers endure
in war. The speaker states that "His hanging face is like a devil's sick of sin"
(20). The phrase, "hanging face," which uses visual imagery, forces the reader
to conjure up an image of a weatherworn soldier who is exhausted from battle.
The speaker then proceeds to compare the weary face to that of "a devil's sick
of sin. This strategically placed simile invokes the question of "how can the
devil ever tire of sin, the very thing he feeds on?" This segment of the poem is
instrumental in getting the reader to understand the magnitude of what the
soldier has been through. The reader questions how much sin has caused the
soldier to tire of the very thing he is meant to do. Thus, Owen’s similes force
the reader to recognize the soldiers’ vulnerability and the often-fatal results of
war. Because the reader better understands the soldiers’ experiences due to the
similes, war is effectively portrayed as a harsh reality, unlike the poems prior
to this time that depicted a soldier’s death as honorable and full of glory.
Comments: This
group has focused a
lot of its time on the
analysis sentences
(smart!), but it has
been done at the
cost of the evidence
sentence, which
lacks enough
context. The group
understands the
simile but could be
more concise in the
analysis sentences,
including taking out
the question.
Owen’s use of similes effectively portrays the harsh conditions soldiers
endure in war. In the very first two lines, Owen describes the poor conditions
of the soldiers with, "bent double, like old beggars under sacks, knock-kneed,
coughing like hags" (1-2). "Old beggars under sacks" shows how
marginalized the soldiers both are and feel. Just like beggars, living day to
day, the soldiers are also struggling to survive and unsure if they will live to
see the next day. Thus, Owen’s similes force the reader to recognize the
soldiers’ vulnerability and the often-fatal results of war. Because the reader
better understands the soldiers’ experiences due to the similes, war is
effectively portrayed as a harsh reality, unlike the poems prior to this time
that depicted a soldier’s death as honorable and full of glory.
Comments: Good
use of vocabulary
in the analysis
sentences
(“marginalized”).
The evidence
sentence could be
more smoothly
written (“with”
before the quotation
is awkward).