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very teen is aware of cliques and peer pressure, but
some teens are more affected by these groups than
others. Cliques are different from groups of friends.
Most groups of friends share common interests such
as a sport, certain kinds of music, or computer games.
Sometimes people find themselves in groups of friends
simply because the friends live close by or they are in
their classes.
Cliques form for different reasons. They may start
out as just groups of friends, but they are called
cliques when they start having a strict code about who
can belong and who can’t. Cliques also have strict rules
about the way people can act, talk, and dress. Most
cliques are concerned about their status in school and
their popularity. But the real problem with cliques is
that their main concern is keeping other teens out of
their group. By actively excluding and rejecting teens
who want to be friends, cliques can cause a great deal
of pain to others. Here are some of the problems that
cliques can cause and some ideas of how to handle
these problems.
Peer Pressure
The Problem
Cliques can make you feel like you should dress or act
a certain way to be popular. Sometimes people in a
clique will even try to “fix” the way you look or give
you a makeover. Even if you feel that you don’t like
the people in a clique, you can still be affected by
their power, feeling pressure to act or dress a certain
way. Cliques can subtly make teens feel that they are
“not good enough,” causing them to have low selfesteem which can lead to many different problems.
The Solution
s Recognize and accept peer pressure for what it is: the
pressure to conform and be like others. Although we
may not like it, the need to be accepted and conform
to the group is just part of being human. Almost all
teens, as well as adults, are affected by social pressure,
whether they recognize it or not.
s Value your uniqueness. Remind yourself every day
about the things that make you special.
s Be aware of self-criticism. Many teens become their
own worst critics. If you find yourself being self-critical, try and focus on your positive qualities instead.
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Dealing with Rejection
The Problem
Being rejected from a group feels awful. In fact, it is one
of the worst things that can happen to teens.
The Solution
s If something happens that makes you feel rejected,
talk to someone you trust. You can talk to a friend, a
parent, or a counselor.
s Don’t think that everyone acts and thinks the same
way. Some teens who feel rejected from one group
think that everyone will reject them. That just isn’t
true. There are many people who will like you and
appreciate you for who you are.
s Don’t let yourself become socially isolated. Some teens
feel that finding friends who accept them isn’t worth
the trouble. This isn’t true. Humans are social animals,
and we need to have people around us at every stage
in our life. Being alone isn’t good for your mental or
physical health.
Handling Harassment
The Problem
There are many forms of harassment, from name-calling
and sending nasty e-mails, to gossiping and spreading rumors. Social networking sites like MySpace or
Facebook are sometimes used as a way to embarrass
and torment other teens. Harassment should never be
tolerated in any form, and many forms of harassment
are against the law.
The Solution
s Because bullying and harassment are such big problems among teens, nearly every school has an antibullying program. Most schools have a designated
adult in the school whose job it is to deal with incidents of harassment. Don’t hesitate to talk to a school
administrator or counselor to get help with this problem. Some schools even have a way of anonymously
reporting teens who harass and bully other teens.
sPractice being more assertive and standing up for
yourself. You can role-play what you might say,
rehearsing it with a trusted friend or adult. There are
lots of good books and websites which can help you
deal with bullies.
A Brand of The Guidance Group
1-800-99-YOUTH
www.guidance-group.com
© 2009, The Bureau for At-Risk Youth