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S E S S I ON 6
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302 Facilitator’s Notes
SESSION 6
Discipline
Facilitator’s Notes
The materials in the Facilitator’s Notes are for your use ONLY.
They are not to be given directly to participants or copied for their use. This is particularly
true for the Medicine Wheel Teaching.
If there is no Elder who can share their own Medicine Wheel Teaching or local traditional
belief, we recommend that you draw the wheel itself on a flipchart or white board and
then either read or paraphrase the words of the Teaching with your group. Let the group
know there are many ways to interpret the Medicine Wheel and that this is only one of
those ways.
SESSION 6
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Facilitator’s Notes
Me d ic in e W heel
Positive Voices
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*(/03&
4
Acting — Overacting
Soft Voices
Gentle
Hard Voices
Loud
&
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Medicine Wh e el TEACHI NG
Positive Voices
Elder Vera White Eyes Jones believes that the key to disciplining children is to act with a
positive but soft voice that is gentle on their spirits. She feels that many people over-act,
or over-react, to discipline issues with hard, loud voices that have a negative impact on a
child’s spirit.
She uses the Medicine Wheel to show the traditional way First Nations people approached
discipline. She said that in traditional families children were never disciplined by their
parents because it could result in hurt feelings in the family unit. The discipline, and any
resulting punishment, would be done by a member of their extended family — usually an
uncle, auntie, or grandparent.
East — HUGS
When babies, toddlers and young children misbehave it is often a result of not
understanding what is expected of them. It is the responsibility of their family and those
in the community to gently correct their behaviour and explain what they should do next
time the same situation comes up. Each lesson should end with a hug so children grow up
knowing they are loved, even when they misbehave. Hugs and praise should be used to
reward children for good behaviour.
South — IGNORE
Teenagers and young adults are at a point where they understand most of the rules so when
they misbehave it is often an attempt to get attention or to test the boundaries of their
society. By ignoring the negative behaviour you gently show that it is not acceptable. As
soon as that behaviour stops, the adult responds with quiet praise, pointing out that the
young person figured out what was causing the problem and decided to fix it themselves.
West — ISOLATE
Adults who misbehave would traditionally be shunned by the community. The belief was
that isolation from their communities would provide the time for them to think about
their actions and pray for guidance so they could return, make amends for their actions
and live again as functioning members of the community.
North — WISDOM
Grandparents and Elders have the knowledge, experience and wisdom of a full life lived
and have ‘been there and done that”. They are often able to find a gentle way to help others
understand what is right and wrong. The respect they have earned in the community
helps others honour their words and suggestions.
SESSION 6
Discipline
Facilitator’s Notes
Discipline Scenarios
Use these examples for additional practice scenarios.
1 Bernice hit her brother when he took some of her blocks.
Rule:
Result:
2 Reg did not do his homework. He will have to stay in after school. He wants his father
to write a note to excuse him.
Rule:
Result:
3 Pam was yelling at her brother in the house.
Rule:
Result:
4 Frances was bouncing a ball in the house. She broke a glass.
Rule:
Result:
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306 Facilitator’s Notes
Discipline Scenarios (continued)
5 Wes was watching TV. He did not do his homework.
Rule:
Result:
6 Darcy did not come home for dinner on time.
Rule:
Result:
7 Rex was talking back to Grandma. It made Grandma angry.
Rule:
Result:
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SESSION 6
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ES Flash
Facilitator’s Notes
Computers and Continuous
Learning
To discuss a few ways that computers can
be used to promote lifelong learning
1 As parents we need to be always learning new things to keep one step ahead of our
children. As people in the workforce we need to be willing to learn new skills so that
we can grow with our jobs or change jobs if we need to. As family and community
members we want to keep in contact with others. Continuous learning refers to the
learning we keep on doing long after we have left school. Learning is a lifelong journey.
Ask your group to share examples of something new they’ve learned in the past few
weeks. Ask them also to tell about what they would like to learn, or what they feel they
need to learn.
2 Lead a discussion of how we learn about our culture, customs and history by
traditional methods. The oral tradition of passing information about Native culture,
tradition and heritage through story-telling is the time-honoured method of passing
learning from one generation to another. In today’s world we still honour the oral
tradition but we also have many other ways to pass along information. Discuss the
various methods and tools that are available in today’s society to share information.
3 The Internet is an enormous source of information for those who want to learn
and stay in contact. Computer skills can be an important addition to your learners’
upgrading experience. If your classroom or learning program has computers and
Internet access, give your group a quick tour of the facilities. Let them know how they
can take advantage of learning opportunities at your centre.
4 The government of Canada funds several Community Access Programs (CAP) across
the country. These are facilities where the public can use computers and the Internet
for free. To find the CAP nearest to your community go to this site and click on the
CAP/Co-op Search tab. http://capstats.ocl.net/cgi-bin/serve_page.cgi?page=home
5 If any of your learners are new to the Internet, it is most important to begin by
warning them of the many scams that await them there. Remember the old sayings
“Look before you leap!” and “If it looks too good to be true, …”
6 The Internet holds some good things for children — fun activities and educational
opportunities. But the Internet is not a place for children to explore alone. Parents
should always be aware of what their children are doing on the computer, what sites
they are visiting and whom they are communicating with. If possible, invite a guest
speaker to talk about Internet Safety.
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AGENDA — Session 6
1 Welcome and warm-up
2 Overview of ground rules and journals
3 Medicine Wheel Teaching and Story-Telling
4 Presentation of key words
5 What is discipline?
6 Concept: Discipline means teaching good behaviour.
7 The problem with spanking
8 Concept: Spanking does not teach good behaviour and will have a negative effect on
the child and the relationship.
9 I can teach them to behave
10Key Concept: We can learn new ways to teach good behaviour — praise, rules, choices,
teaching and listening.
11Things to do at home
12Summary
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Facilitator’s Notes
Objectives:
1 To develop an understanding of the words “discipline” and “punishment”.
2 To reinforce story-telling traditions.
3 To identify the problems with punishment.
4 To identify and practise positive ways to discipline our children.
5 To improve reading, writing and communication skills.
Materials Needed:
 Medicine Wheel graphic
 Talking Stick or Feather
 flip chart
 session completion certificates
 materials for Smudge Ceremony
 markers, pens, and pencils
 paper
Handouts:
1 Key Word Families
2 Concentration Cards
3 The Problem with Spanking
4 Modelling and Praise
5 Discipline in My Home
6 Ways to Discipline
7 Five Ways to Discipline
8 Where Does Anger Come From?
9 How Bad is It?
10 Keeping Your Cool
11 When Teens Get Angry With Us
12 Session Certificate of Completion
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310 Facilitator’s Notes
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1 WELCOME AND WARM-UP
Welcome the participants as they arrive and encourage them to sign in on the attendance
form and to make out nametags for themselves using their first names.
Whenever possible an Elder opens the session with a prayer and smudge
ceremony. The use of sage or sweetgrass is encouraged if appropriate to the
location of the program.
If no Elder is available an Opening Prayer has been provided in the facilitator’s
resource section in Appendix ‘A’ at the end of this manual.
Introduce yourself briefly (background, names and ages of children) and give a short
introduction to the Completing the Circle: Teaching Our First Teachers program.
Ask participants to give their names, their children’s names and ages, their Nation, and to
say hello to the group. If anyone speaks in their Native tongue they should be encouraged
to do this using words and gestures.
Warm-Up Activity
Have the participants choose partners. One person will be the ‘master’ and the other will
be the ‘robot’. The master must tell the robot to go, stop, turn left or right. The robot must
do as he is told without speaking.
After a short time, tell the group to change from a robot to a master or from a master to a
robot.
Give a few more minutes for pairs to play these new roles, then ask them to return to their
seats.
Discuss the activity with the following questions:
®® How
®® Did
®® Do
did it feel to be the robot?
you like it?
you think our children ever feel like robots?
®® Which
did you like best being, the master or the robot?
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Facilitator’s Notes
2 OVERVIEW OF GROUND RULES and JOURNALS
Review the ground rules (found in the Introduction), stressing that all opinions will be
listened to and that there are many different ‘right’ ways to deal with our children.
Remind them that everything said in the group is confidential.
If you are using these sessions sequentially it is important to review the follow-up
activities and journal from the previous week. This allows the participants an opportunity
to share insights that they may have gained based on that week’s activities. It also
reinforces the importance of using the journal regularly.
Encourage participants to write in their journals, even if it is only a few sentences.
3 MEDICINE WHEEL TEACHING AND STORY-TELLING
The Elder should be invited to share a local Traditional Teaching related to the topic of
this session. If no Elder is available, you may use the Medicine Wheel Teaching provided
in the Facilitator’s Notes for this session by drawing the wheel itself on a flipchart or white
board and then either reading or paraphrasing the words of the Teaching with your group.
Let the group know there are many ways to interpret the Medicine Wheel and that this is
only one of those ways.
The important role that the Medicine Wheel plays in understanding our world should be
stressed as well as its historical significance in the Native culture.
Point out that the Medicine Wheel is used throughout the Completing the Circle
program to establish or restore the balance in given situations.
Each session begins with an Aboriginal story relating to the theme. The story may be read
by the facilitator, the Elder, or a participant. See the Appendix for the story entitled, “The
Theft From the Sun”.
Note!
Make sure the person who is asked to read is comfortable with the idea of reading to the group
and has been given time to practise the story beforehand.
Facilitators are encouraged to modify the procedures used in the following
activities to accommodate the ability and size of their group.
311
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4 PRESENTATION OF KEY WORD FAMILIES . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (Handout)
Explain that the key words tell us about many of the things that we will talk about in this
session.
discipline
disciplines
disciplining
disciplined
self-discipline
result
results
resulting
resulted
behave
behaves
behaving
behaved
behaviour
well-behaved
badly-behaved
praise
praises
praising
praised
praise-worthy
time
time-out
timer
time off
rule
rules
ruler
rule-book
rule-of-thumb
punish
punishes
punishing
punished
punishment
The Game of Concentration . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (Handout)
For this game, divide players into groups of three or four.
On the handout is a table with 16 boxes. They contain pairs of words from the same word
family. Copy it onto card stock or paste it on card, for example, a cereal box. Make one set
for each group. Cut the 16 boxes apart.
To play the game, arrange all the pieces face down on the table. Each player gets a turn to
pick up two cards. If they match, that is, if they are from the same word family, the player
keeps the cards. If the two words don’t match, the player must put the cards back in the
spot where they came from. Soon the players will begin to memorize the position of the
cards so they can pick up matching words. When all the cards have been won the winner is
the player with most cards.
Easy version: players just have to match the words.
Harder version: players must read each word correctly before they can win the cards.
SESSION 6
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Facilitator’s Notes
5 WHAT IS DISCIPLINE?
Ask the group for some of the common methods parents use to stop bad or negative
behaviour in their children (spanking, yelling, taking away something, sending them to
their room). Write these ideas on the flip chart.
“When we discipline our children, we teach them what to do and we stop behaviour we
don’t like. With good discipline, children learn which kinds of behaviour are wrong but
they still feel okay about themselves.”
Have them find new partners to work with. Ask them to talk about how they teach their
children the behaviour they expect from them. Acknowledge the importance of the
role that Elders play in this process as well as the use of stories to teach children proper
behaviour. A brief discussion about how these traditions are changing could be part of
this activity.
After time for discussion, collect ideas for teaching good behaviour from the pairs. Write
them on the flip chart. Look back at the list of common ways to stop problem behaviours.
Are there any ones we could call good discipline? Are there any that are different from
strategies used in other cultures?
6 THE PROBLEM WITH SPANKING
Begin this discussion by asking participants to talk about their views on spanking. Based
on this discussion, broaden the topic with statements similar to the following: “Spanking
is punishment, not discipline. When we punish we may stop the problem behaviour
but we don’t teach our children what to do. Punishment tells children that they are bad.
Discipline tells children that the behaviour was wrong; this way your children still feel
okay about themselves.
“The goal of this exercise is to encourage us to think about the negative effects of
spanking.” You may need to explain what ‘negative’ means.
The Problem With Spanking . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (Handout)
Break into groups of three. Ask them to look at the picture on the handout. The child in
the picture is being given a spanking because she did not pick up her toys.
Have them write two or three feelings the parent may have and then two or three feelings
that the child may have. Ask them to share some of these as a large group.
“We were taught to behave by our parents or caregivers, who did this in the way they felt
was best. As parents, part of our job is to keep learning new ways that we can help our
children do well and be happy.
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New or different ways of helping children to behave may work better for us and our
children than the ways we were punished or disciplined as children.”
Modelling and Praise . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (Handout)
“Think about when you were a child. What did your parents do so you would behave?
How did you feel about that?”
We talked about giving praise and modelling good behaviour in the session on Talking
with Our Children. You are probably already using some very good ideas for discipline
with your children.
Ask the group for examples of these. You could write them on the flip chart under the
headings ‘Praise’ and ‘Modelling’. Have the group draw stickmen examples on their
handouts. Remind parents that these methods will help to improve behaviour in children
and adults too!
“Another important way to discipline is with house rules.”
7 I CAN TEACH THEM TO BEHAVE
Discipline with House Rules
Ask the participants to tell about rules in their families. Write these rules on the flip chart.
Lead a discussion about house rules, making sure that the following points are covered:
®® Families
need only a few rules and everyone, including the children, should be involved
in deciding what those rules should be. Even very young children can be part of
deciding the rules that involve them and their actions. As children get older they can
take a more active role in setting the rules for the house. This helps develop their
‘buy-in’ which means that they understand what the rules are because they agreed to
what they would be.
®® Once
house rules are agreed on, everyone must follow them, even the parents.
®® When
misbehaviour occurs, children can be reminded: “We agreed that the rule in our
house is … no hitting … clean up your mess … etc.” This way, the rule is the boss, not
the parent.
®® The
rule helps the child to behave because they know what is acceptable and what is
not.
®® Families
who do this are helping their children learn to make and follow rules. They are
also showing that even parents have to follow rules in their lives.
SESSION 6
Discipline
Facilitator’s Notes
®® As
the children grow up and things change in the family rules need to grow and change
too. It is important that if a rule is changed, everyone, especially the children,
should understand why it was changed and what the new rule is.
Discipline in My Home . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (Handout)
Ask, “What rules does your family have?” Working in small groups, have participants list
three important rules in each of their homes. They write these on their handouts and then
share their rules with everyone in the group.
Discipline with Time-out
“Time-out helps children to learn how to behave by taking attention away from bad
behaviour. In a time-out, children are removed to a quiet place and given little or no
attention. After a suitable length of time (one minute for each year of age) children may
return.
For example, Louise was removed from the room for three minutes for hitting her friend.
She learned that hitting friends is not acceptable.”
Ask the group if they use time-outs. Remind them that the purpose of a time-out is to
take away attention from the child, not to make the child feel bad.
Discipline by Using Choices
By giving your children choices, you are sharing power with them. This sharing helps to
avoid power struggles, with parents trying to force children to do things and the children
refusing.
Ask the group for examples of choi ces they give to their children. Write their responses on
the flip chart and summarize by saying something like:
“It is important to allow your children to experience the results of their choices. For
example: You may colour only on the paper. If you colour on anything else I will put the
crayons away.”
If they choose to colour on the table instead of the paper, it is important that you put the
crayons away. This is how your children learn the results of their behaviour.
You can model a few examples with the group:
Parent says: “The rule is: No hitting.”
If Wanda chooses to hit, she must play alone for ten minutes.
315
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316 Facilitator’s Notes
Ways to Discipline . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (Handouts)
Give out the Ways to Discipline handout and ask participants to each write down an
example of something one of their children does that is causing a problem in the family.
Now give out the Five Ways to Discipline handout. Read through the five methods of
discipline with the group. Explain that parents often use both old and new discipline skills
in their parenting. We may sometimes spank our children because we don’t know what
else to do.
Have them choose partners. Ask the pairs to tell each other about the problem behaviour
and how they would like their children to behave.
Each pair shares the problem and possible discipline strategies with the group, as time
allows.
Optional Activities
The next three activities would be appropriate for parents who have teenage or pre-teen
children.
Where Does Anger Come From? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (Handout)
Explain to the group that anger is a normal feeling. Ask how many have experienced anger
as a parent. Parents will raise their hands and make sure you raise your hand as well. We’re
not going to stop anger, but we are going to look at why we sometimes get “super-upset.”
We are also going to explore ways of keeping our emotions under better control.
Provide participants with the handout or draw the flow chart on the flipchart.
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Explain this model to the group.
When something happens, we immediately talk about it inside our head.
How we talk about it or how we describe it creates our feeling about what just happened.
SESSION 6
Discipline
Facilitator’s Notes
How or why we react the way we do is determined by our own perception of the event.
Give at least two examples. For example, we are all sitting in the same car driving in the
first winter storm. The roads are heavily covered with snow and it is really icy underneath
when suddenly the car starts to fishtail. We are all sharing the very same event, but your
inner dialogue is something like this, “I’ve been through this kind of thing before; this isn’t
so bad. I am sure it’ll be okay.” As a result of that belief you feel relatively calm. My inner
dialogue is quite different. I’m thinking, “This is the worst thing I’ve ever experienced.
This is terrible. Why isn’t anyone saying anything? We’re going to crash!” Obviously my
outcome will differ from yours.
In another example, a friend invites you to a party and as you are driving there, you begin
to think, “Why am I going to this? I don’t know a single person there except Linda and
she’ll probably be off chatting with everyone else. I’ll be stuck in a corner somewhere. No
one will talk to me and if they do I won’t know what to say. I’m going to have a terrible
time, I just know it.”
Ask the group if they can guess what the outcome will be at the party?
Explain that sometimes our inner dialogue is rational and sometimes it’s not. You may
wish to share a personal experience, e.g., not registering for a class that you wanted to take
because you talked yourself out of it with irrational thoughts like, “Oh, I’m too old,” or
“I’ll probably fail anyway.” Ask the group if they can think of examples.
Summarize this activity by explaining that it is not people or events or things that make us
angry, it is our thinking process, our inner dialogue that can get us “super upset.”
How Bad is It? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (Handout)
Ask participants to take a moment to consider each of the scenarios in the handout.
Tell them that you want them to rate each situation based on a scale of 1 to 10:
®® 10
is the absolute worst thing possible. It would be something so huge that it would
destroy us.
®® Half
of that, 5, would be something that, although tolerable, would still be quite bad,
e.g. our child being injured in a car accident.
®® A
rating of 1 would be something very minor, like breaking a plate while washing
dishes.
Ask them to put a number rating beside each of the scenarios indicating how bad they
think it is.
Ask them to share the rating they gave to each situation. Record these on the flip chart.
317
318 Facilitator’s Notes
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Discipline
Point out that they gave a different amount to each. In other words, some situations make
us more upset than others. All of us could probably admit to at least one time in our life
when we responded with 9 intensity and energy to something that was only worth 2.
So how do we keep things in perspective? How do we keep from getting “super upset?”
One of the ways is simply to ask ourselves that question, “How bad is it?”
Keeping Your COOL . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (Handout)
It’s okay to feel angry — but it’s not okay to hurt someone physically, emotionally or
verbally. When you feel angry and feel like you’re about to lose you cool, instead of yelling,
try these techniques:
a) Notice the signs of anger in your body.
b) Take a time-out.
c) Talk yourself down.
d) Ask yourself why you’re feeling angry.
e) Express your feelings.
Explain each of the techniques, giving one example of each. Ask participants for their
ideas and record these on a flip chart.
a) Notice signs of anger in your body.
®® A tight feeling in your face
®® A hot feeling somewhere in your body
®® Increase in heart rate
®® Dry mouth
®® Shallow breathing
b) Take a time-out before an explosion.
®® Go for a run or walk around the block.
®® Have a bath or shower.
®® Mow the lawn or shovel snow.
®® Clean the house.
c) Talk yourself down.
®® How bad is it? Keep things in perspective.
®® Explore reasons for the other person’s behaviour.
SESSION 6
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Facilitator’s Notes
d) Ask yourself why you are angry.
®® Who am I really angry with?
®® Am I angry or disappointed in myself?
®® Am I angry with my boss or spouse and instead I’m taking it out my child?
e) Express your feelings after you’ve cooled down or before you notice signs of
impending rage.
®® Describe your feelings.
®® Don’t use hurtful words.
Remember — we can’t blame others for how we are feeling. We are in control of how we
react to situations. We choose how we feel and act.
When Teens Get Angry with Us . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (Handout)
Read handout with the group, briefly explaining each of the points.
Create a “Can of Worms” by decorating a large coffee tin with colourful worms.
Inside you should put some recipe cards with typical parent-teen interactive scenarios. If
your participants are willing, have them create some of these scenario cards. On one side
of the card you will describe the teenager’s side of the story and on the other, the parent’s
side.
Example:
TEEN: You want to go a party with your friends. It’s at someone’s house and their parents
are away.
PARENT: You are uncomfortable allowing your teen to go to a party where there will be
no adults.
Using the information from the handout, invite participants to talk about how they would
handle the situation.
If the group is comfortable with role playing and comfortable with each other, you could
have them get more involved in this activity. Create teams of two people and flip a coin to
select who will take the role of the teen and who will play the parent. Let them pick out a
card and act out the situation and then ask the group to discuss it. It would be a good idea
to pick one person and act out one scenario with them before asking others to take part in
the role playing activity.
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320 Facilitator’s Notes
8 THINGS TO DO AT HOME
In the coming week, watch how you use discipline with your children. Write about it in
your journal and try to think of one example of how you used each of the following ways
to discipline your children:
Praise Time-out Modelling Choices
Think about what rules you have at home now and make time for a family meeting where
you can sit down with your children and your husband or wife to come up with a simple
set of House Rules that everyone can agree on. Write about how the meeting went and
how the rules are working for your family.
9 SUMMARY
Discipline is something every parent has to deal with and it is an important part of raising
healthy children. Discipline does not have to be a negative thing because there are many
ways that parents can help their children learn to behave properly. Setting house rules,
offering choices, giving time-outs, and modelling good behaviour are all good ways to
discipline your children.
It is important to remember that all children want to have rules and need to have clear
guidelines that tell them what is right and what is wrong. Rules and expectations will
differ from one family to another so it is important that everyone in the house, including
the children, have some say in your rules and understand what they are.
Finally it is very important to remember that children want to please their parents and
make their parents proud of them so praising their good behaviour is a very easy way to
show them how to behave.
At the end of the Participants’ Handouts you will find a certificate for
participants who have completed this session. You will need to personalize
each one with your program name, the number of hours of instruction, the
person’s name, your signature (or the Elder’s signature) and the date.
For participants who attend all eight sessions, there is a program certificate in
the Appendix.
SESSION 6
Discipline
Participants’ Handouts
Participants’ Handouts
Key Word Families . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 323
Concentration Cards . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 325
The Problem with Spanking . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 327
Modelling and Praise . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 329
Discipline in My Home . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 331
Ways to Discipline . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 333
Five Ways to Discipline . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 335
Where Does Anger Come From? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 337
How Bad Is It? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .339
Keeping Your Cool . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 341
When Teens Get Angry With Us . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 343
Session Certificate of Completion
321
SESSION 6
Discipline
Participants’ Handouts
Key Word Families
discipline
disciplines
disciplining
disciplined
self-discipline
result
results
resulting
resulted
behave
behaves
behaving
behaved
behaviour
well-behaved
badly-behaved
time
time-out
timer
time off
rule
rules
ruler
rule-book
rule-of-thumb
punish
punishes
punishing
punished
punishment
praise
praises
praising
praised
praise-worthy
323
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Participants’ Handouts
Concentration Cards
disciplined
time-out
results
punish
ruler
well-behaved
praised
behaves
resulting
behaviour
punishment
rule-book
time-out
behaving
disciplining
praise
325
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Participants’ Handouts
The Problem with Spanking
Parent’s Feelings
Spanking does NOT teach good behaviour.
What spanking teaches children:
• to be afraid
• to hide their mistakes
• that it is okay to hit people
• that it is okay for someone big to hurt someone small
Child’s Feelings
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Participants’ Handouts
Modelling and Praise
Discipline
• stops problem behaviour
• teaches good behaviour
• children feel okay
• parents feel okay
1 Modelling
shows children good behaviour
2 Praise
and attention for good behaviour
329
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Discipline
Participants’ Handouts
Discipline in My Home
3 Rules
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
4 Time-outs
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
331
SESSION 6
Discipline
Participants’ Handouts
Ways to Discipline
1 Write about a problem behaviour you have with your child:
2 Choose some discipline methods for you to try with your child.
Write them here:
333
SESSION 6
Discipline
Participants’ Handouts
Five Ways to Discipline
time-out
modelling
rules
praise
choices
WHERE DOES ANGER COME FROM?
335
SESSION 6
Discipline
Participants’ Handouts
Where Does Anger Come From?
&WFOUT
*OOFS%JBMPHVF
'FFMJOHT
0VUDPNFT
337
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Discipline
How Bad Is It?
a) Your teen comes home 15 minutes past curfew.
b) Your teen refuses to clean his room.
c) Your teen gets a bad grade on an important test.
d) Your teen comes home late with alcohol on her breath.
Participants’ Handouts
339
SESSION 6
Discipline
Keeping Your Cool
a) Notice the signs of anger in your body.
b) Take a time-out.
c) Talk yourself down.
d) Ask yourself why you’re feeling angry.
e)Express your feelings.
Participants’ Handouts
341
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Participants’ Handouts
When Teens Get Angry With Us
Keep calm.
Be aware of your body; take deep breaths and say calming words to
yourself. Count to ten.
Listen.
Try to stay focused on what they’re saying instead of thinking what you’re
going to say to them.
Don’t “bite the bait”.
Sometimes people will say things to get you going, like, “You’re mean.”
Now it becomes an argument about whether or not you’re mean rather
than a discussion about them staying out past curfew. If you refuse to bite
you can stay focused on the original issue.
Tell him you will speak to him when he has calmed down.
There is no point trying to resolve an issue when people are “super-upset.”
Try to understand behind the words.
Sometimes people use dramatic language to get their point across. Saying
something like, “You’re so mean!” probably indicates your teen is frustrated
because you are not letting her to stay out past curfew when her friends
are. Although that type of language is not acceptable, this may not be the
time to address it. Try to stay focused on the issue.
Be patient.
Remember you are the adult and they are still children. Staying calm,
composed and understanding in the face of an outburst teaches them
appropriate behaviour that they can model.
343
Signature: ________________________________
Date: ____________________________________
s Reading Text
s Document Use
s Writing
s Numeracy
s Oral Communication
s Problem Solving
s Working with Others
s Computer Use
s Continuous Learning
The ______ hours of instruction in this session
included training in these Essential Skills:
session of COMPLETING THE CIRCLE program with
Discipline
has successfully completed
This is to certify that:
Certificate of Completion
SESSION 6
Discipline
Resource List
Resource List
Barnes, Bob. Who’s in Charge Here? : Overcoming Power Struggles with Your Kids. HarperCollins
Canada, Limited (1997)
Parents can establish order and harmony in the home and avoid power struggles. The key is a family
plan of shared responsibilities and consequences so that children know what is expected of them. Dr.
Bob Barnes shows parents how to create a plan and how to respond when a child fails to meet the plan
— when he or she lies, argues with siblings, fails at a task, or faces peer pressure. Barnes shows how to
discipline with consistency and love, without feeling guilty or causing anger or resentment. Armed with
this book, parents can win each “battle” without losing the “war”.
Bell, Catherine and Kahane, David. Intercultural Dispute Resolution in Aboriginal Contexts. UBC Press
(2004)
Bohnet, Jamie. Thriving (not Just Surviving) Through The Teens!: For Dads Of Adolescents Ages 13-18.
Pleasant Word (2006)
Coloroso, Barbara. Kids are Worth It: Giving Your Child the Gift of Inner Discipline. Penguin Group
Canada (2003)
“There are no quick fixes, easy answers, or recipes for parenting, but I believe most of us have the
tools we need to be good parents if only we can find them.” By looking at the difference between
encouragement and rewards, discipline and punishment, Coloroso helps parents learn how to empower
and influence their children instead of controlling them, by teaching them how to think, not what to
think.
Coloroso, Barbara. Just Because It’s Not Wrong Doesn’t Make It Right. (2006)
We live in a world where children so often are given the message that the ends justify the means;
where harmful, even violent — in families, in communities, and around the world — goes unnoticed,
unmitigated, and often unrepented; where children’s ethical education can come from a T-shirt slogan or
bumper sticker, an Internet site, or the evening news; where rigid moral absolutism or moral relativism
has replaced true ethical thinking. In a world such as ours, Just Because It’s Not Wrong Doesn’t Make It
Right is an essential tool.
Coloroso, Barbara. Parenting Through Crisis Helping Kids in times of Loss, Grief and Change. Harper
Collins Publishers (2001)
In this companion to her bestselling “Kids are Worth It!,” parenting educator Barbara Coloroso shows
how parents can help children find a way through grief and sorrow during the difficult times of death,
illness, divorce, and other upheavals. She offers concrete, compassionate ideas for supporting children as
they navigate the emotional ups and downs that accompany loss, assisting them in developing their own
constructive ways of responding to what life hands them.
Coloroso, Barbara. The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander: From Preschool to High School — How
Parents and Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle of Violence. (2004)
It’s the deadliest combination going: Bullies who get what want from their target, bullied kids who are
afraid to tell, bystanders who either watch, participate, or look away, and adults who see the incidents as
simply “teasing” and a normal part of childhood. We have only to look to the headlines to understand
that this is a recipe for tragedy. Some bullying victims, their cries unheard, have fought back with
violence that has devastated entire communities; others have committed suicide.
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Crary, Elizabeth. Without Spanking or Spoiling. Seattle, WAA. Parenting Press (1993)
If you feel trapped between extremes when you’re disciplining your children, you’ll appreciate the timetested advice in this classic guide. You don’t have to spank your children to get them to behave--and you
don’t have to worry that you’re spoiling them, either. Elizabeth Crary provides dozens of examples and
exercises to help you find the best way to rear your children.
Dreikurs, Rudolph. & Cassel, P. Discipline Without Tears: What to do with Children who Misbehave.
New York, NY: Hawthorne Books. (1974)
Faber, Adele & Mazlish, Elaine. How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk. (1999)
Available in Book or Audio Book on CD
Children need support and understanding from their parents. This classic text, printed here in a
special 20th anniversary edition, helps parents learn to achieve this. Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
offer excellent advice on coping with a child’s negative feelings, using different methods other than
punishment to resolve conflict peacefully. ‘How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids Will Talk’ has
helped parents everywhere for two decades.
Faber, Adele. How to Talk So Kids Can Learn. Simon & Schuster (1996)
Through sample dialogues that clarify what to say and how to say it, the authors spell out proven ways
to handle problems that interfere with learning in school and at home. Faber and company cover all the
skills needed for effective learning — from encouraging children to cooperate to avoiding the pitfalls of
punishment to offering praise and criticism that inspire a child to do his or her best.
Kurcinka, Mary Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles: Winning for a Lifetime. Harper Collins Canada (2001)
Available in book or Audio Book on cassette
End those power struggles and begin connecting with your child. Noted family educator Mary Sheedy
Kurcinka struck a national chord with her bestselling Raising Your Spirited Child. Now she hits upon
another crucial parenting topic: coping with the everyday challenges of disciplining your child, while
understanding the issues behind his or her behaviour.
Lynn, Kathy. Who’s In Charge Anyway? Whitecap Books (2003)
What do you do when your toddler throws a tantrum every time you go to the grocery store? How
do you handle a teenager who wants to stay out all night? And how do you teach kids to be polite?
Experienced parent and workshop leader Kathy Lynn has written a reassuring and helpful book for every
parent. Her underlying message is that parents play a key role in raising children with high self-esteem,
solid character, and independence, but parents could use a little guidance too.
MacKenzie, Robert J. Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child: Eliminating Conflict by
Establishing Clear, Firm, and Respectful Boundaries. Prima Lifestyles (2001)
Now you can effectively parent your strong-willed child. Does your child constantly misbehave and
ignore or refuse your requests for proper behaviour? Is your relationship with your child based on
conflict instead of mutual respect and cooperation? With the help of this groundbreaking book, you can
create a positive, respectful, and rewarding relationship with your child.
Minister of Health and Welfare Canada. Nobody’s Perfect. Ottawa, ON. Canada Communication Group
Publishing (1989)
This is a parenting education and support program for parents of children from birth to age five. It is
designed to meet the needs of parents who are young, single, socially or geographically isolated or who
have low income or limited formal education. Participation is voluntary and free of charge.
Phelan, Thomas W. 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12. Child Management, Inc (2004)
The gist of Phelan’s simple, effective child-management program is to enable parents to discipline
children, ages 2 to 12, by instituting a system of counting and time-outs, delivered straightforwardly and
unemotionally.
SESSION 6
Discipline
Resource List
Phelan, Thomas W. Surviving Your Adolescents: How To Manage & Let Go Of Your 13-18 Year Olds.
Child Management Inc., (1998)
Available in Audio Book on 4 Cassettes
This encouraging resource walks parents through the ups-and-downs of parenting adolescents, helping
end the hassles and improving the parent-teenager relationship.
Shure, Myrna B. PhD. Raising a Thinking Preteen: The I Can Problem Solve Program For 8 To 12 Year
Olds. Henry Holt And Company (2000)
Myrna B. Shure knows the importance of teaching your children to think for themselves, whether they
are very young or just about ready to plunge into adolescence. In Raising a Thinking Preteen, she helps
parents administer an original series of exercises, games and discussions designed to inspire eight to tenyear-olds to express their feelings and come to an understanding of why others behave a certain way. She
helps budding young minds cope with frustration, get along better with their peers, resist depression and
become more confident. She also teaches them to be more patient, which should thrill every parent. If
you want to give your kid a head start in the critical thinking game, then this book is a must-own.
Sullivan, Karen. How To Say No And Mean It: Survival Skill for Parents. Harper Collins Canada, Limited
(2003)
“This authoritative guide outlines a new approach to discipline based on encouraging self-respect in
kids, leading to natural and permanent behaviour changes. This discipline system is based on educating
children to make the right choices about behaviour themselves, rather than being told what to do. In
an easy-to-use A–Z format, this book introduces real life situations and simple tips for each different
scenario. Includes: how to stop children arguing and whining; how to encourage children to help in the
home; how to handle misbehaviour in public; how to deal with testing and manipulation; and how to
teach good manners Karen Sullivan coaches a teen boys’ football team and uses a ‘red card’ discipline
system when she works with children.
Children’s Resources and Books for Parents to Read to Children:
Aardema, Verna. Half a Ball of Kenki. New York, NY: Frederick Warne & Co. Inc. (1979)
Low Skills Literature — Few simple words
An Ashanti Tale Retold: The story of how a Leopard received his spotted coat.
Asch, Frank. Milk and Cookies. New York, NY: Parents Magazine Read Aloud Original (1982)
Ages 2-4 years
Mama, Papa, and Baby Bear are visiting at Grandma and Grandpa’s house. They spend the night. Baby
Bear looks through the cellar door to see Grandpa feeding “a dragon” in the cellar, which is actually
a wood stove. Later Baby Bear has a dream of a dragon coming upstairs, which eats all his milk and
cookies. Crying Baby Bear is taken downstairs by his father to see “the dragon”. After that Baby Bear is no
longer afraid; he, his grandparents and his parents eat all the milk and cookies.
Ata, Te. Baby Rattlesnake. San Francisco, CA: Children’s Book Press. (1989)
Low Skills Literature — Few simple words
Chickasaw tale. Baby Rattlesnake cries and cries for a rattle just like his big brother and sister have, but
his parents tell him he’s still too young. His crying keeps the Rattlesnake People up all night, so finally his
parents give in. Thrilled with his new power, he mischievously uses his rattle to scare little animals. He
grows bolder and bolder, till one day he scares the wrong creature. Adapted from a Chickasaw tale, this
English-only version of this story-time favourite provides a witty lesson in the value of self-control that
all young can relate to.
Behrens, June. How I Feel. Chicago, IL: Children’s Press (1973)
Ages 2-6
Children’s expressions of their feelings of love, anger, joy and other emotions are reflected in
accompanying photographs.
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Discipline
Berry, Joy. Every Kid’s Guide to Handling Feelings. Chicago, IL: Children’s Press (1987)
Bruchac, Joseph. Eagle Song. 1st ed. (Print-Fiction) Dial Books. for Young Readers (1997)
Suggested for Grades 4-5
Danny, a Mohawk boy, has just moved to Brooklyn from Akwesasne. He is homesick for the sights and
sounds of the St. Lawrence River and has no friends in his Grade 4 class. With the help of his parents,
Danny overcomes the racial taunts of his classmates and eventually makes friends with his enemies. This
is a brief, easily read story that illustrates how ancient traditions retain their meaning and value in the
modern world. The drawings depict Danny’s loneliness, traditional objects, and the story’s setting.
Cameron, Anne. Raven Goes Berrypicking. Harbour Publishing Co. (1991)
Medium Skills Literature — More words but still fairly simple.
Legends for ages 6 to adult. Northwest coast. Raven is clever and tricky — and greedy. In this story, she
persuades her friends Gull, Cormorant, and Puffin to pick berries with her and tricks them into doing
more than their share of the work, for less than their share of the food. In the end, her friends find a
clever way to teach Raven an important lesson.
Carey, Valerie. Quail Song. New York, NY: GP Putnam’s Sons (1990)
High Skills Literature — More complex language.
A retelling of a traditional Pueblo Indian tale in which Quail outwits a persistent Coyote.
Condon, Penny. My Family. (Print-Fiction). Gabriel Dumont Institute of Native Studies (2001)
Suggested for Grade 1
In My Family Kona, a young Métis girl introduces her family as they prepare to gather for a feast. The
role of Kona’s grandparents, parents, siblings, uncles, aunts and cousins are all described as they get
ready for the family celebration. The illustrations are delightful, and will intrigue young readers.
Crowe, Charlene and Page, Carrie Ann, illus. The Sacred Eagle Feather. (Print-Fiction). (Macous Knows
Series). Duval House Publishing (1997)
Suggested for Grades 1-3
This is the first in a series of stories about Paul, a nine-year-old Ojibway child who has a keen interest in
his Ojibway heritage. Through his relationship with his grandfather, he is able to keep in touch with the
traditional knowledge and values of his nation. The Sacred Eagle Feather will enrich the understanding
and knowledge of the First Nations children of this land.
Dereume, Angela & Zola, M. Nobody. Winnipeg, MB: Pemmican Publishers. (1983)
Medium Skills Literature — More words but still fairly simple.
Dorion, Betty. Melanie Bluelake’s Dream. (Print-Fiction). Coteau Books (1995)
Suggested for Grade 5
When ten-year-old Melanie and her mother must leave the reserve, so her mother can complete her
education, Melanie is lonely. She understands that her mother’s education will allow them to make a
better life for themselves, but she misses her Kohkum and her old friends. Later, when Melanie returns to
the reserve and her familiar Cree environment, she begins to realize that there are things about the city
that she has learned to appreciate as well. This is an easily read novel that includes a map and a glossary
of Cree words and expressions.
Erikkson, Karen. I was So Mad. Viking Penguin Inc. (1987)
A toddler learns to deal with feelings of extreme anger.
Eyvindson, Peter and Brynjolson, Rhian, illus. Red Parka Mary. (Print-Fiction). Pemmican Publications
Inc. (1996)
Suggested for Grades 2-3
In this heart-warming picture book, a seven-year-old boy gradually grows to understand and love his
kind but eccentric neighbour. As the boy visits the elderly Mary each day, he learns from her how to
SESSION 6
Discipline
Resource List
snare a rabbit and use its fur to make moccasins. He also learns why Mary dresses as she does, and finds a
way to return her kindness.
Fernendez, Eugenie. A Difficult Day. Toronto, ON: Kids Canada Press (1987)
Babies and Pre School
Crumpled sheets, a lumpy pillow and crumbs in the bed mean a sleepless night for Melinda. Waking up
grouchy, Melinda’s mood changes from bad to worse. Can anything save her day now? An understanding
mom makes a grumpy mood go away in this reassuring story that everyone has difficult days and
sometimes a hug is all you need to chase the blues away.
Goldin, Barbara Diamond and Plewes, Andrew, illus. The Girl Who Lived With the Bears.
(Print-Non-Fiction). Harcourt Canada Ltd. (1997)
Suggested for Grades 4-6
In this Pacific Northwest legend of transformation, an arrogant young woman is taught a lesson about
respect for bears. Taken from her home to the village of the Bear people, she comes to see how humans
and bears are related, and to know and love her Bear husband. This is a beautifully illustrated resource.
Stereotypical gender portrayals in this version are consistent with the perspectives of the era in which the
legend was first told.
Hiebert, Susan. Alphonse Has an Accident. (Print-Fiction). Peguis Publishers Limited (1974)
Suggested for Grades 3-5
When Alphonse disobeys his grandfather and is burned while playing with matches, he makes a trip
from his reserve to the hospital in Winnipeg. Alphonse is astonished by the sights and sounds of a large
city. Then, on his bus trip home, Alphonse sees the farms and open spaces that are so different from
his wooded home. By the time Alphonse reaches the reserve, he is happy to return to his grandfather’s
forgiving arms. This is a gentle, easily read story.
Jenkin-Pearce, Susie. Bad Boris Goes to School. New York, NY: MacMillan Publishing. (1986)
Low Skills Literature — Few simple words
Mamchur, Carolyn Marie and Zola, Meguido. In the Garden. (Print-Fiction). Pemmican Publications Inc.
(1993)
Suggested for Grades 1-3
When ten-year-old Joyce’s grandmother dies and leaves her a handkerchief filled with seeds, the young girl
uses the gift to turn her family’s backyard into a wonderful garden that supplies food for her family and
neighbours, who are short of money because of a workers’ strike. This picture book provides opportunities
for discussion about the value of hard work, and family strength and support during hard times.
Mayer, Mercer. I was So Mad. Racine, WI: Western Publishing Company Inc. (1983)
Mercer Mayer’s very popular Little Critter stars in a picture book about feeling angry. With minimal
text and funny illustrations to spell out every new situation, the book shows the Critter family saying
no to everything Little Critter wants to do. He can’t keep frogs in the tub. He can’t help paint the house.
Finally, mad at the world, Little Critter announces he will run away. When pals come by and ask him to
come and play baseball, our young hero’s mood quickly changes. He grabs his bat and heads off for the
game, telling himself he can run away another day if he is still so mad.
Oram, Hiawyn. Angry Arthur. New York, NY: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, Publishers (1982)
When Arthur’s mother won’t let him stay up late he becomes so angry that his feelings cause a
thunderstorm, a hurricane, and even a universe quake. Will anything soothe Arthur’s foul mood? The
pictures really help illustrate exactly how angry the title character, Arthur, feels and how his anger can
escalate to enormous proportions. We shared this book at circle time one afternoon and it generated a
lot of responses from the children. They easily identified with how Arthur felt when he was angry, and
how hard it can be sometimes to calm themselves. It was simple enough for them to understand, well
written and illustrated. I highly recommend this book to all parents and educators as well.
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Oxenbury, Helen. Tom and Pippo Make a Mess. New York,NY: MacMillan Publishing (1988). Company.
Kids aged 4-6
In this book Tom tries to do everything himself, just like the young reader. Great illustration and simple
quick text for short attention spans. Tom and his stuffed monkey Pippo, get into a little trouble when
they help Tom’s father paint the house.
Shook Hazen, Barbara. Even If I Did Something Awful. Toronto, ON: McClelland & Stewart Ltd. (1981)
Kids aged 4-6
Mother still loves you, even when you are bad. This is a beautiful story of unconditional love. The
illustrations are at once simple and poignant and silly. A must-have for your personal library. The
illustrations are simple and play well off the text. The text is simple yet the context is imaginative. It
allows children to role play and put themselves into the situation. It’s a great lesson in responsibility.
Simon, Norma. How Do I Feel. Niles, IL: Albert Whitman & Company (1978)
A small boy has tangled, emotional problems with his twin and his older brother.
Simon, Norma. I am Not a Crybaby. Niles, IL: Albert Whitman & Company. (1989)
Kids aged 4-6
Children describe a variety of situations that make them want to cry, emphasizing that crying is a
normal reaction.
Stanton, Elizabeth. Sometimes I Like To Cry. Chicago, IL: Albert Whitman & Company. (1978)
A child recalls different occasions when he has cried, concluding there are many appropriate times for
tears.
Waboose, Jan Bordeaux and Taylor, C. J., illus. Firedancers. (Print-Non-Fiction). Fitzhenry & Whiteside.
(1999)
This wonderful book depicts the coming of age story of a young Ojibway girl. Fast One, as the
grandmother calls her, is taken by her grandmother to dance on Smooth Rock Island. As the young girl
and her grandmother dance by the fire, the spirits of the past join them in a dance that connects them
to nature, to the girl’s grandfather, and to generations of ancestors who have danced there before. The
message of continuity and intergenerational love is demonstrated in this heart warming story.
Waboose, Jan Bourdeau and Reczuch, Karen, illus. Morning on the Lake. (Print-Fiction). Kids Can Press
(1997)
Suggested for Grades 3-5
The three linked stories in this beautifully illustrated picture book depict a northern Ojibway boy’s
relationship with his grandfather and with the natural environment. As he canoes past loons on the lake
in the morning, marvels at an eagle overhead at noon and encounters wolves in the woods at night, the
boy learns the ways of the natural world from a loving grandfather. This book is a visual and textual
delight.
Wheeler, Bernelda. A Friend Called “Chum”. Winnipeg, MB: Pemmican Publications Inc. (1984)
Low Skills Literature-Few simple words
Zolotow, Charlotte. The Quarreling Book. New York, NY: Harper & Row, Publishers. (1963)
Gruffness and anger are passed along from person to person until a little dog starts a chain of happiness
that reverses the trends. A pleasant picture book that touches on emotional maturity. I have found The
Quarreling Book to be a most effective story for 2nd and 3rd graders. To me, this book is not so much
about quarreling, but more about emotions and feelings. This book is delightfully written by wellknown children’s author, Charlotte Zolotow with illustrations by Arnold Lobel. It really holds children’s
attention and helps them understand how we all “pass on” our feelings, for good or ill, to the people
around us. In the classroom, I follow up with a discussion of specific strategies for emotionally healthy
ways to deal with bad feelings. I would highly recommend this book to teachers and parents alike.