ELATED MISERY
By Madhusudan
Copyright © 2013 Madhusudan
Smashwords Edition
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Table of Contents:
Prologue
Chapter 1 - The Pub Night
Chapter 2 - The E-mail
Epilogue
Prologue
Destroying someone's relation is the richest sin one can ever commit. No one holds right to
destroy any one's relationship including his own. Because when we talk about relationship, there
are two people, the minimum number is two. There can be more than two. Loving someone is a
not a sin. Loving someone who is already committed is also fine. We can understand as long as
love is there, it might lead us almost anywhere or everywhere. The Destination is never fixed in
the journey of love. Love is omnipotent.
Her concern was simple; she was in love with someone she has known for 6 years. And he
was married to a girl he had known from few months…
Chapter 1 - The Pub Night
September 2013
Poona
"I don’t like such places Ballu, I have already told you this."
I said as he pulled me through the crowd in the pub holding my hand. It was Ballu's party as
he was about get married in next month. From the last two years I hardly had been to any pub. I
was bored by the ambiance and surrounding of those. I started loving peace and moreover I was
more dedicated towards my career. Being a book critic I was supposed to spend most of my time
with my dining table with a mug of coffee, a notepad, a pen, and few unfinished books. For
around a year I don't remember of having a party with someone. I used to drink at home on
weekends, alone and that too with my work. I love to be alone. I never found the companion that
was so companionable as solitude.
This was a big occasion indeed, I had to come, Ballu and I have been best friends since
college. Searching path through the mob, we moved to the top floor of the pub. There were two
dance floors with two separately placed counters and female bartenders everywhere wearing
green kurtis. The Place was enlightened with lots of green lights; even walls were painted in
green colored textures. I don't understand why these people make life so monotonous when we
can make it more colorful. Young people were dancing to extremely loud electro dubbed music
playing in the background. Making insane moves; I giggled looking at them. I grabbed a chair on
the counter and ordered a peg of whisky. My other friends started dancing on the floor. I usually
don't dance. I took the first sip of my whiskey and suddenly,
"Excuse me, might I have a lighter??" a blonde girl sitting on adjoining chair asked me
holding a cigarette in her mouth. I turned at her as I quenched my thirst.
"What the FUCK!!!!" I yelled at her loudly in astonishment. She dropped her cigarette
looking at me. It was Kaya. The friend I lost after graduation. "Deeee..." she smiled at me. She
used to call me 'Dee' in college days. When someone likes you, the way they say your name is
different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth.
“I'm so happy seeing you" She hugged me.
"What’s up???Alone?"
"No., Ballu is here" I said pointing at Ballu keeping my mouth open in marvel. She was
looking completely different. A drastic change that no one acquires in so less time. I was to see
her after a long year. She was wearing a black short skirt and white sleeveless top,
semitransparent; I could almost see her black inner wear through that. Hairs were short and were
kept open. And she had a tattoo of a red and green colored butterfly on upper left side of her
shoulder. She was very different in college. Staring at her, my subconscious mind drove me to
six years past, when we were studying in Mumbai in ‘J J college of Arts’. That’s when I first met
her.
6 years past:
November 2007
Mumbai
One day when I was sitting on the bench in the garden area of college, near Cafeteria; a tall
guy with maroon jeans and black shirt walked towards Kaya. A mid postured and whitish brown
complexioned dapper personality. A super cool dude type hairstyle and woodland shoes. He was
actually a smart and immaculate person.
He approached her, "Excuse me??" he asked in a deep virile voice.
"Yes..." she responded. She already knew this guy, 5 years older than her. She smiled
secretly; her panoptic smile was enough for him to take away his breath. She had a comely smile.
I believe a smile is the thing which is a generous gift you can ever get from someone; it is the
shortest distance between two people. With the wider length of her smile, the distance between
them became even shorter.
"Hi, I am Rahul Rathod; I walked to you, just to ask you for a coffee", he said. He was little
afraid. His nimble move showed his confidence but it couldn’t hide his awkwardness.
Probably she was the first one he might be asking out.
"Okayy.. Ask then." she said expanding her small eyes at him. He managed to laugh at his
foolishness. Moving his hand through his hair, arranging those coming on his eyes he said,
"Okay then lets meet tomorrow, I'll text you rest details"
"How did you have my number??" she shouted in choler, taking off the book she was
reading. "In this college everyone supposed to have your number Kaya" he muttered and smiled
mischievously taking back his feet.
"What the …" she marveled getting up. I laughed noticing how she managed to avoid the Fword. "I look forward to see you tomorrow..." He said as he ran turning his back to her. She kept
staring him unless he became a tiny dot. I smiled at her and she smiled back to me. We had a few
friends in common; gradually we came closer. She used to discuss about Rahul with me. How he
became her crush, how she used to stare him every day. It was almost 3 months she started to
like him. But all that was infatuation as she said. She used to gaze him regularly after her
college. She used to have an Irish coffee at ‘Costa Coffee’ outside his office and very close from
her college. She ignited this spark and he followed it up. Gradually, they became friends, lovers,
couch sharers and I don't know what their exact relation was, and I never even cared to
understand or judge their relationship, whether it's right or wrong. Gradually four years of
college passed away. And i moved to Poona after that. We were nice friends. She used to share
her problems and I used to provide her solutions which worked almost every time. As she was in
different program we seldom met. But she was among those whom I used to like. In fact she was
on the top list. Recollecting those moments, my memories refreshed again
Suddenly her words broke the chain of my thoughts.
"Hello, Where are you??" she shouted. "
Are you alone?" I asked keeping the shock of astonishment at the same level. "I don't know I
am with you now" she smiled. "I have to tell you so many things, where have you been?? I called
you so many times, have you changed your number??” she kept yelling at me and I couldn't hear
a single word of whatever she said. The music was too loud to hear any other thing except that. I
moved closer to her and whispered in her ear "Should we go out? I can't hear you". She nodded
and got up. She was so drunk, I hold her hand and we moved to the terrace. "Oh My GOD!!
Look at the view.” she exclaimed as we reached the terrace. She sat on the chair and lighted the
cigarette. "Is this regular now??" I asked. I was staring her constantly, her every move, her every
breath, her every blink was in my observance. "What?" she said releasing smoke through her
pink glossy lips.
"This." I said taking a pause "Cigarette, Drinks, Pub"
"Naahh... Not regularly, but two or three times a week. It’s fine right??" She looked at me
expecting a nonverbal yes from me. "NO..." I yelled "You are not in college now, It’s okay to
have it sometimes, occasionally, But not every day" I said as I lighted my cigar. "How’s life??"
she asked.
"It’s fantastic! I keep busy all the time. Don't get enough time to bore, how are you??"
"I am good, as you can see me" she smiled in flamboyance.
She was inhaling each drag of cigarette in different way; she was too fast in it. As if there’s
some kind of stress or something.
"How’s 'He'??" I asked while I was staring her. "He?? Whom are you talking about?" she
got blanked.
"Of course your boyfriend" I said. "How many ‘Hes’ are there now??" I laughed winking at
her.
She kept mum, her face fell pale. She lighted another cigarette and took a deep puff.
"Hello... What happened??" I asked disquietedly. “Is everything fine?"
She was tired and exhausted. Anyone could clearly mark the grief on her face.
"What is the meaning of our life??" she asked in a silent voice.
"Just tell me yaar, what happened??" I moved towards her and sat on the floor adjoining her.
I put my hand on her shoulder. "C’mon! You can share with me", I said.
She hugged me tightly and started crying loudly. She was crying like a small kid. Her
melancholic voice was awakening more and more interest in me.
"Shhhh, Don't worry, whatever it is; It will be alright, Keep calm" I tried to console patting
her back.
She took a deep breath, "I love him so much..." she shouted and again began crying. There
was some kind of pain in her whimpers.
"Okay. Okay, Keep quiet now and tell me what happened??" Taking her off I said.
"My life will never be as easy as yours Dee" she said. "He and I, we broke up one year
back." I was attaining carefully to each of her words.
"Very happily we broke up because of some personal problems, in damn bloody complete
relationship, none of us ever thought of marriage."
She cleared her throat "Can you believe He is married now!" and again started crying.
"What’s wrong Kaya, this is the age of getting married, He is 5 years elder than you, if you
are 23 today, he is 28. So that’s okay. You can't keep playing with love all the time." My words
were little harsh on that pretty girl but I wanted them to be so, I was serious about that.
"But he too loves me." She responded instantly.
I was almost blank, "What? He loves you" I replied. I thought this is the simple problem that
every girl faces at the borderline of marriage. But story was different here.
"That’s how the problem started, when he proposed me despite having his own wife and life.
You know, we broke up because there were few things we could not fix about each other. And
we were happy. There were no expectations, no demands, and no responsibilities. It was great.
After break up, we enjoyed even more than we had enjoyed being in relationship."
She moved from her place and walked towards the railings.
"What you doing??"I shouted.
"Relax Dee, I'm not allowed to die this simple death. My death will be more painful" she
said.
"What bullshit are you talking Kaya" I said and lighted next cigarette.
"Since how long He's married??"
"It was his mistake as he says, he opposed a lot to his parents and family saying he don't
want to marry this early, but no one listened to him" She continued "You see how rajputs are.
Their respect and vachans stands before everything."
"How’s that girl he married?? Have you met her??"
"No, I did not attend their marriage. I just once had a word with her, I've seen her photos.
She is prettier than me. But as Rahul told me, she didn't give him any space or freedom. She
keep tracking him on his phone and checking his cellphone when he returns home. She doubts on
him every now and then. Her dad was their family friend. So family forced him to marry that
girl." She finished.
"But tell me one thing, what’s wrong if she doubts on him? What’s wrong when she didn't
give him space? Because she knows how her husband is. The first mistake was that he
committed to marry her. If he didn't like her then why did he marry her in the first place? And as
of now he got married why can't he control his attraction towards you?" she was listening
carefully my each and every word.
I continued, "No one holds right to destroy a relationship including his own too. Did you
guys talked about all this?"
"He said he'll divorce her"
"Arey but these all things are not that simple as you can think of. What will your family
think, what you'll tell them? And what about his family? Have he had told anyone among
them??"
"His family is threat to him. He didn't talk about it to anyone except Me." she mumbled. The
waves of sorrow were noticeable on her face. She might be thinking on what going to happen to
them? This abandoned love, useless society, terrified lover, and his hapless wife. Sometimes
every side of a problem attacks us together and we become so numb that we can't even feel any
of those.
"Dee I seriously don’t understand all this. You won't understand how difficult it is to love
someone who is married. You can't be unfair to anyone." She was trying to wipe her teary eyes.
She was sad, distorted, complicatedly digressed.
"Try and understand. Because at this point all I can tell you is just to leave. let it go."
"What do you mean by let it go??" she said raising her eyebrow in very miserable way.
"I mean... see it’s simple. Don’t complicate it. If he will take divorce I promise you I will do
anything for you to be together. Else you have only option not to be in contact with him. No
other mid-way here."
She put her hand on her forehead and asked "What’s the time??"
"Its 12:40. Why?" I said in a tone of concern.
"I need to leave, Dad returns at 1:30" she said.
"Your family got shifted here??? Do you live in Poona now?" I asked in huge surprise.
"Yea... Long story, some other day." she said.
"What will you do then?" I asked.
"I'll need to figure it out as early as I can. I will let you know Dee. And Thanks a lot!! I got
company and a shoulder to cry."
"You came alone here?"
"No, one of my friend and her boyfriend are with me. Must be boozing downstairs." she said
making an awkward arrangement of her lips.
Meanwhile I felt something vibrating around. I gazed around. Then it became stronger
enough for me to feel it on my body. Fuck!! It was my cell phone, it was Ballu, the person with
whom I came here and forgot him completely.
"I’m Sorry!! Sorry" I shouted on phone.
"Come to the car" he said and hung up.
"Fuck!" I said in digress realizing it’s been more than an hour we were talking.
"What happened?" she said as she was staring me throughout the telephonic conversation.
"I need to leave" I said and rushed up.
"Me too leaving. I will call you" she said while we were rushing downstairs.
"Yeah sure. See you soon" I hugged her in midway and smiled. She was warm, it was a cozy
feeling.
Now I was worried about the person, who forced me to come this place and wanted me to
enjoy a few moments with him. And I ended up my complete time with HER. It was a feeling of
bad although seeing her made me happy as well. Mixed emotions! Now the task was to make
Ballu understand. And he will understand, no doubt. I smiled to myself. Making my way from
the crowd I somehow managed to run towards the exit. I was able to see Ballu standing near his
car along with two other friends. I ran again.
Chapter 2- The E-mail
Few months later
December 2013
One night when I was figuring out my stuff, suddenly a window popped up on my laptop
screen1 New mail
I clicked. It was an Email from HER:
To: Manav Dutta <[email protected]>;
From: Kaya Sinha <[email protected]>;
Subject: Second Choice
Sent: Mon, December 23, 2013 4:21:36 AM
I am leaving. Do you know a fact? Out of every 100 Indians 90 don't know what should be
right at any given point. And I think I am among remaining 10 people. The reason is YOU. Life
was complicated when we met that night at PUB. I was very damn disturbed like never before.
Your words gave me a sigh of relief thinking you are still with me in any case and at some point
disappointed me forcing me to think about its practical aspects. But that’s how you are
Transparent, Axiomatic. That night, in the depth of winter, I felt that within me, there lay an
invincible summer.
Frankly speaking, I really don't care about how my life should be. Because you can't ignore
the fact; it will always be the way we make it. It varies from person to person.
What you hear is suggestion and what you see is perspective, there’s no truth at all.
You never know, how it will blossom for you. Because flower that blossoms in morning
fades pales in the evening! Acceptance to the conception matters a lot. Accept that you cannot
change and change that you cannot accept. That’s how life goes on. You need to celebrate it and
this is the way to live. You know that day, when we were talking, I was not in my senses. I was
so goddamn disturbed that I could really jump off the roof if you weren't there. Lots of times I
thought that way, to finish myself instantly and set myself free. Free from love, free from Life
and its unknown mysterious possession, hatred, jealousy and all those hurtful things. But it’s not
the solution at all. It was never and will never be. Death can never be the reason of End. You
become a question to everyone. Because, you neither solve your problems nor you take those
away with you. They are still here with your people; the only difference is that instead of you,
they are facing them. You ran away. And how running away can be the solution?? I can't wait for
things to let happen, i will make them happen here onward. And that’s my promise.
You are a good person Dee.
It's just a break. I welcome my new life or you can say the old one with the new essence of
affection. Sometimes a pale flower gives you the essence of blossom, and at this moment; this
false hope is enough for me to move on! Moving to NEW JERSY next week. And will be there
for next two years.
Take Care Dee. Love you!
P.S. You were all I wanted when I was in college. I understand this is stupidity to tell you
this now. But I really did. I never dared to tell you this, because I don't deserve anyone,
especially YOU. You are Special for me. Always!
Apathetic
Kaya.
Epilogue
The worst regret we can have in life is not for the wrong things we did, but for the right
things we could have done but we never did. I finished reading the mail and thought to myself
with lots of 'what if's. What my life would have been if long ago I had expressed myself before
her? What if there won't be any other person in her life? What if I had never loved her? What if I
had never met her and what if there won't be any compromises? Will it still been called love or
am I being philophobic. A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another,
they will fall for each other. Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too
late, or maybe forever. I finished my cigarette and threw it away and gently turned the volume
of my earphones to full scale.
(Bob Dylen: The song played…)
"The answer my friend is blowing in the wind... The answer is blowing in the wind...”
###
About the author
Madhusudan (Madhu Dhakite) is 22 years old, Poet, Novelist, Short story writer and a
Hobby artist. He spent his childhood in a small village in Nagpur. Afterwards he finished his
graduation in "Electronics Engineering" from Pune. He is working as a Software Engineer now.
He spends most of his free time in thinking over facts and penning them down in a fictitious
way. He writes small articles, short stories and Marathi poetry with basic themes such as Love,
Romance, Life, Friendship and Philosophy. Most of his work is inspired by real life events and
true conversations
Connect with him:
His Blog: http://madhudhakite.wordpress.com
Facebook::http://www.facebook.com/madhu.dhakite
Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/maddhusudan