The entire spectrum of my personal philosophy is based on one factor, my spiritual faith.
Though there have been several individuals who have helped to shape my personal foundations,
everything I do always tends to be rooted in my spiritual beliefs and faith. There are several other
components (such as self-love, character, love and trust) which also help create my personal philosophy
and practice. Additionally, my attitude and interactions reflect the influence of several key players in my
life.
Faith
Although I had been attending church for my entire life, the members of Liberty Baptist Church,
in Wichita Falls, TX had a key influence in my life. It was there where I came to a true realization and
understanding of what I personally believed. Specifically, my growth occurred during my time with the
Liberty Baptist “God Squad” – the formal name of our youth group. It was there that I developed the
closest relationships with individuals who ended up becoming lifelong friends. We attended church
camp together every summer for seven years, and even participated in Bible competitions and other
church-related contests at the annual World Baptist Youth Conference. Despite the fun events and
people I experienced at Liberty, it was there that I developed a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I
gained a deeper understanding of the Bible and God’s purpose for my life. That period of my life
(helped to shape the foundation for every subsequent action and decision that I would make.
Self-Love
There were several individuals in my life that helped to define my personal philosophy and
practice. One very important factor of my personal philosophy is how I view myself and the skin I am in.
One day, when I was about eight years old, my oldest sister decided to leave home and move to New
Jersey. At the time, my family and I were living in England so her moving to New Jersey was a major
deal. I was devastated because my big sister had suddenly left home and seemingly abandoned me. For
a long time, our relationship was inconsistent. I would go months, even years, without talking to her.
However, one day during my senior year of high school, I received a letter from her, detailing how sorry
she was for messing up our relationship by leaving and how proud she was to be my big sister. From
then on we have constantly been working on our relationship. As we both get older, I think we realize
the importance of family and how special our bond was. From my sister I learned the importance of
open and honest communication, how the actions of one can affect many, and the power of honest
love. In my personal practice, I constantly talk about the value of open and honest communication.
Personally, I think that is one of the main reasons for successful or failing relationships. If people are
able to communicate honestly with each other, there will be no need for assumptions or misunderstood
intentions.
My middle sister taught me how to value myself. She is a constant source of encouragement in
my life and if ever I have a doubt about my capabilities, she is always there to force me to evaluate my
past accomplishments. Since I was little, every year on the first day of school my sister has always handwritten a letter to me. In the letter she always details how proud she is of me, encourages me to
continue to reach for my dreams, and reminds me that she will always be there for me no matter what.
Although we were like “oil and water” growing up, Sherri has always been my solid rock. Her constant
encouragement has allowed me to include a sense of confidence and independence in my personal
practice. A portion of my personal philosophy includes the idea that individuals should maintain a sense
of confidence in their selves and that people are capable of doing anything they wish to do as long as
they are willing to work hard. My sister has also helped me understand that every person has flaws. I
went through a period of my life where I felt like everyone around me was disappointing me. Then
during one of our daily conversations, she reminded me that the only one I can put my trust in is my
heavenly Father, God. As a result, part of my personal philosophy is that all men have limitations and
weaknesses. I think I am better able to see people for who they are because I am better able to
understand that they are not invincible or perfect.
Some of my best friends from college helped me to embrace my ethnic identity. As a black
woman, both characteristics are a very integral part of who I am. When I first arrived to Northwestern
University, they were the first ladies I met. As our relationship began to blossom, they introduced me to
a side of black culture that I had never been exposed to. I had grown up in England, Japan, and Texas
and never had any close black friends, so my relationship with them gave me an opportunity to explore
that side of my identity. They taught me about black hair care, the best stores and clothes for my body
type, and they helped open my eyes to black history and the strength of my people. Not only were
Whitley and Kia my window into the realm of black culture, they also helped me understand the
importance of being “real.” Part of my personal philosophy is that true understanding can only occur
when people are honest about who they are. In my personal practice, I enjoy speaking with people oneon-one, to establish a trust relationship and allow them to be “real.”
Character
My mom and dad were the ones who helped develop my character, and have had a major
influence on my personal philosophy and practice. As was mentioned before, I have been in church
since I was born, and our beliefs have had a major impact on the way my parents raised me. Growing up,
my mom and dad reinforced strict rules and regulations. I was taught to respect my leaders and elders,
to follow the rules, and to work hard. My dad never accepted anything less than perfection and my
mom showered me with loving words of wisdom. My dad acted as the practical voice of reason who
shared his past experiences and used that to offer advice. He taught me several meaningful lessons
about observing and adapting to my environment. In my personal practice, I constantly observe the
actions (both verbal and non-verbal) of those around me. I think that a person’s actions reveal a lot
about their true character.
My mom radiates love and care, and her influence has helped me be a very caring person.
Sometimes the care I have for others is not always revealed in the most visible way (because I strongly
respond to my observation of people’s actions) but, the deepest part of me resonates with others’
emotions. Together, my parents have influenced me to be strong and resilient. My mom and dad have
always reinforced the notion that I don’t have to depend on anyone for anything. Throughout my life
they have encouraged me to be strong and to handle my emotions and responsibilities on my own. I
believe that it is important for individuals to be responsible and part of my personal philosophy is that
those who continually blame others for their downfalls or faults, actually have a problem with taking
responsibility for their own actions.
Love and Trust
In my past, I went through a traumatic event involving a man who I cared deeply about. In
(what seemed like) an instant he completely betrayed my trust. He left me devastated and confused,
and caused me to question the character of everyone around me. Since that traumatic incident, I have
always had a tough time trusting others. I question the loyalty and intentions of those closest to me
because I never want to experience that heartache again. His actions also forced me to question who I
was and caused me to doubt my own abilities. Then immediately following that incident, a close friend
(or at least someone who I thought was a friend) completely betrayed my trust as well. I was faced with
two incidents of betrayal from those closest to me, within a short period of time. From those individuals
I quickly developed a philosophy of trust. Through combining some things from other portions of my
personal philosophy (all men have limitations, remain observant, question the “realness” of people, and
have confidence in self), I used those indicators to help identify people’s trustworthiness. My personal
philosophy that resulted from these incidents was to never fully trust anyone. I placed people on a
trustworthiness spectrum, where some people deserved to be more trusted than others but no one
would ever deserve full trustworthiness status.
Although I had experienced some traumatic events in my life that caused me to lose my faith
and trust in all people, one day I met a man who helped restart my progress towards developing trust in
others. He taught me the power of forgiveness, honesty, and loyalty. He forced me to “stare into the
face” of my problems and past hurt and be honest with myself. Although he may not have recognized it,
the power of his compassion and love for me caused our relationship to be a catalyst for my healing
process. His candid honesty and openness allowed me to trust in the capabilities of human interaction
and relationships. Through his influence, part of my personal philosophy became that individuals have
the ability to heal even after a traumatic experience, if they encounter the right person to aid them in
that process. That man also helped me realize that one bad incident does not always reflect the true
character of a person, and that each individual has the ability to change.
Attitude
My past experiences, encounters, and current beliefs have a major influence on my attitude and
can subsequently affect the helping relationship I have with clients. Due to the strength and confidence
I have always been encouraged to display, and because of the mistrust I have in people, often times my
attitude is portrayed in a suspicious and cautious manner. I constantly observe other’s reactions to my
actions and words, and if I notice something that is seemingly suspicious I automatically place that
individual (or group) in an “untrustworthy” category. If I deem an individual to be untrustworthy, each
time I interact with him or her I constantly have on my defenses. However, because I believe in people’s
ability to change I typically give individuals a chance to redeem themselves and to prove that they are
trustworthy.
Part of attitude stems from my faith and care for others. I genuinely care about other people’s
concerns and emotional heartache, which often causes me to get so wrapped up in trying to fix their
problems that I neglect my intuition and allow people to take advantage of me. Sometimes I feel as
though I am battling the urge to help people and the fear of being heartbroken again. As a result, I rely
heavily on open and honest communication in order to convey my inner feelings. However, some
individuals may mistake my open communication for abrasive confrontation. Frequently I have to buffer
my words so that others are more comfortable with them. Conversely though, having to constantly
censor myself causes me to “close up” and keep my thoughts completely to myself.
The interactions I have with those I help turn into a recurring struggle between trying to be
present and attuned with them and guarding myself from any negative consequences. As a result, the
decisions I make are very calculated and cautious rather than sincere and uncontrolled. That
complicated type of communication with clients may not be the best way to develop a trusting
relationship with them. The relationships, encounters, and beliefs I have experienced makeup the
essence of how I interact with others. The past guides my present actions, but each day, as I experience
new things, my personal philosophy and practice continue to evolve.