Karie Spaetzel
Seventeen
1,647
Dating Despite Distance:
Studying abroad and maintaining relationships
By Karie Spaetzel
“Time is the longest distance between two places.” This quote means a lot more to
some couples than it does to most people. For couples dealing with their boyfriend or
girlfriend studying abroad, it hits close to home. Because of the distance, communicating
is harder than normal, which can add stress to a relationship.
Three couples who have experienced this situation share their stories about how
the time and distance has helped their bond become stronger. The desire to keep their
relationship going won out over silly fears and worries, and these couples found ways to
overcome being on different continents.
Because the girls in these relationships are still abroad, comments from them are
taken from e-mails.
Libby and Chris
Libby and Chris knew each other from their college German class but hadn’t really
noticed each other until one night when Chris bumped into Libby outside a dorm, and they started
talking. After hitting it off right away, they’ve have been dating for a year and seven months.
Because they are both German majors, they both studied abroad in Austria — just not at the same
time. Right now, Libby is finishing a 10-week program there, while Chris is left at home, 4,501
miles away from her.
“Sometimes I feel like I’m dating a voice on the computer. I get these e-mails, and I talk
to her through IM, and I occasionally get some pictures, but it’s all kind of surreal,” Chris said.
Communicating is hard because of the six-hour time difference, and it has changed Chris’s sleep
habits. He gets up earlier than normal just so he can talk to her.
We e-mail daily, and talk on IM on Mondays and Wednesdays,
when our days aren’t so busy, Libby said. Usually we talk either
around 12 p.m. my time (6 a.m. [in the U.S.]), or we talk around
6 p.m. or later [Austria time].
Even though it is difficult to talk, the distance has been a good thing for their relationship.
It definitely brings you closer together, Libby said. I think
the trust it can create is also very important. Chris agreed.
“It’s a big thing to get through, being six hours from someone that you love, and when
you’re able to get through it … it makes the bond that much stronger,” he said.
Because of that strong bond, Chris doesn’t worry about Libby finding another guy over
there and even encourages her to be more outgoing.
“I’ve told her to go out and dance more … she might as well have fun. I’m not very
jealous,” Chris said. “I trust her to tell me if something happened.”
Libby isn’t interested in anybody else because she loves Chris, and she’s not too worried
that he will find somebody else while she’s gone.
Sometimes I have an irrational fear of that, but in all
honesty, I don’t really see it happening … It’s just one of those
things that you worry about, but it’s not really a real concern,
she said.
Overall, this experience has brought Libby and Chris closer together because they know
their relationship isn’t just short term.
If you can put up without a person being there for 10
weeks, it obviously means there’s something more than puppy love
there, Libby said.
Stephanie and Tom Stephanie and Tom met through mutual friends and have been together for about a year.
Stephanie is studying in London this quarter, and the couple must deal with being 3,861 miles
away from each other. Stephanie decided to study abroad because it was a once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity, and Tom has been supportive of that decision.
Ten weeks in a different country allows you to experience a
different culture and gives you access to travel all of Europe,
Stephanie said. If I hadn’t studied abroad, I would have always
regretted it.
[Tom’s] been so supportive, and it’s helped so much … he
realizes what an amazing opportunity this is for me, and he
wouldn’t want me to miss it for anything, she said.
“I felt very excited for her … if I had the opportunity to do it I’d want her to be just as
excited for me,” Tom said. “I did the best I could supporting her and getting her ready for being
apart for so long. I wouldn’t want her to miss that experience.”
Like the other couples in this situation, being able to talk to each other is hard.
“The most difficult part I would say is the communication. As much as we do talk … it
never seems like enough,” Tom said.
Talking online helps, but nothing can replace physically
being together, Stephanie said.
They bought each other Webcams, so they use those and AIM to talk to each other,
usually at least once a day. They also e-mail each other daily.
The e-mails we have written back and forth have shown how
much we care about each other, and it has made me appreciate how
glad I am to have him in my life, Stephanie said.
Tom gets jealous sometimes, not about other guys, but about the things she gets to do.
“She tells me she’s going to France for a few days and then Italy for a few days … it’s an
experience I haven’t even had an opportunity to consider yet in my life,” he said.
Still, they’ve found ways to keep their relationship romantic, even though they are so far
away from each other. On the weekend Stephanie went to Italy, Tom thought she was going to be
in France, and the next weekend, when she was going to France, he thought that was when she
was going to Italy.
While I was in Italy, Tom wrote me a whole e-mail that he
translated online into French … I thought it was so cute, first
of all, because the message was really heartfelt and thoughtful,
and also because it was the opposite language, Stephanie said. Tom made
it up to her the next weekend by sending her an e-mail in Italian.
Even though they miss each other while they’re apart, they are still able to have a sense
of humor about it.
Before I left school, Tom, joking, told me he would
understand if I left him for an English prince, and when I got
[to London] Prince William had just broken up with his
girlfriend, Stephanie said, so I sent Tom a postcard of William and
said “I don’t know how to tell you this, so I thought it would be
easiest to just send you a picture of my new boyfriend …”
The distance apart has helped their relationship become stronger, and made them
appreciate each other more.
“I think that’s the best part — that we’ve been able to build upon our relationship,” Tom
said.
Angie and Ryan
Angie and Ryan worked together at a restaurant and started dating two years and two
months ago. Angie is spending 10 weeks in Austria, which means she and Ryan have to deal with
a six-hour time difference. When Angie told Ryan she was going abroad, he wasn’t happy about
it, but now Ryan respects her decision because he knows it’s important to her.
“It’s a once in a lifetime chance and if she’s happy with it, I guess I can force a smile,” he
said.
Angie decided to study abroad because there’s a lot of culture and history that the United
States doesn’t have, and because it’s an opportunity for her to travel and see things she won’t be
able to see again. Even though it isn’t easy for her and Ryan while she is gone, she doesn’t regret
her decision.
The most difficult part of this experience has been the bickering, Angie said, and the
distance doesn’t help the situation because it makes communicating hard.
We’re just so stubborn sometimes that we refuse to give in,
Angie said. And we bicker more the farther apart we are.
The biggest problem Angie and Ryan faced was trust. A guy Angie is studying abroad
with, Nick, made it known to Angie that he likes her. When Angie told Ryan this, it didn’t go
over too well. He didn’t want Angie to hang out with, talk to or see Nick at all, which was
impossible because she is around the same group of 20 people all day.
I know Ryan doesn’t like me hanging out with Nick, but I do
it anyway because Nick and I are just friends and nothing more,
Angie said.
Even though Ryan gets angry about Nick, Ryan doesn’t worry about Angie replacing
him. He knows that if Angie wanted to be with someone else, she would tell him.
I think if I wasn’t dating Ryan, I would probably be with
Nick, but I love my boyfriend, and, yes, the temptation to cheat
is there, but I wouldn’t do that, Angie said. Ryan just doesn’t
understand that sometimes.
As with every long distance relationship, communication proved to be both difficult and
amusing. Because Angie will often call Ryan early in the morning through Skype, an Internet
phone service, she will go to the bathroom so she won’t wake her roommate. The flushers for the
toilets in Austria are large, square buttons on the wall, and she usually rests her head against the
button. Ryan finds it hilarious when she leans her head back too far and ended up flushing the
toilet.
Studying abroad is not without its drawbacks, but it is still good for a relationship. You
come to appreciate togetherness a lot more, and you realize how much you miss your significant
other when you’re not together. Says who?
“Angie not being here is like missing your teddy bear or blanket as a kid,” Ryan said.
Even though it wasn’t always easy or the perfect situation, these couples managed to
survive the distance and make their relationships stronger in the process.