Lesson 31: How to Handle Internal Monologue
What is internal monologue? Should I italicize my character’s thoughts?
These are two questions I get a lot because, let’s be honest, internal monologue is
confusing. Frankly, every author seems to do it differently.
Creating the right Internal Monologue and Tone of Voice in dialogue is all about….
attitude.
First, let’s take a look at WHY you should use Internal Monologue:
1. Internal Monologue creates a deeper understanding of the character’s state of
mind and emotions. Imagine a character is saying, “Sure, honey, I’ll be glad to
take out the trash.” But she’s thinking, Why do I always have to do his jobs as well
as my own? Clearly, we know she’s trying not to pick a fight, but there is trouble
in paradise.
2. Internal Monologue adds a unique voice to the characters. Obviously each
character will be thinking something different, due to their attitude, goals and
perspective. It helps us to understand how a character might see things
differently than others.
3. Internal Monologue strengthens motivation. Often, we don’t understand why a
character might say something – so we need the Internal Monologue to shore up
the motivation for us. IM assists us with not only understanding – but agreeing –
with the character in this scene.
4. Internal Monologue adds space for resonance. Meaning – Internal Monologue
allows the reader to “catch up” in the dialogue, hear it, examine it and
understand its emotional resonance in the scene. Quippy, fast dialogue, can
move so quickly a reader might fail to recognize the depths of the subtexting
and meaning in the scene and therefore miss the emotional connection.
Adding Internal Monologue slows the dialogue exchange and allows the reader
to catch up.
First, a few pointers about Internal Monologue.
Internal Monologue is delivered in many ways, depending on the POV Voice you may
be writing in.
Let’s take a look at the usual suspects, and how they handle italics and verb tense.
Distant Third Person:
This is the traditional POV, and although fewer books are written in this form, it is still
used. The common Internal Monologue structure is to insert Italics and Thought tags.
Italics are used to differentiate between dialogue and thought.
e.g.
When she opened the door, David stood on the stoop, holding the hand of a
pretty blonde girl. “Hey Lisa. I wanted you to meet my new girlfriend, Alena.”
Why would I want to meet the girl who has your heart? she thought. “Hello, it’s
nice to meet you, Alena.”
Notice that the thought is in first person, and present tense.
You can bring the reader even closer with Standard Third Person:
e.g.
When she opened the door, David stood on the stoop, holding the hand of a
pretty blonde girl. “Hey Lisa. I wanted you to meet my new girlfriend, Alena.”
Why would i want to meet the girl who had his heart? “Hello, it’s nice to meet
you, Alena.”
Notice that in this example, the verb tense stays in past, and the narrative in third
person.
First Person is trickier because the internal monologue is often the same as the narrative,
and needs no other tags or type change.
e.g.
When I opened the door, David stood on the stoop, holding the hand of a pretty
blonde girl. “Hey Lisa. I wanted you to meet my new girlfriend, Alena.”
Why would I want to meet the girl who had his heart? “Hello, it’s nice to meet
you, Alena.”
However, italics are often used when there is a memory voice or another voice
screaming in the character’s head.
e.g.
When I opened the door, David stood on the stoop, holding the hand of a pretty
blonde girl. “Hey Lisa. I wanted you to meet my new girlfriend, Alena.”
What? No! “Hello, it’s nice to meet you, Alena.”
Let’s address now, the most common in today’s contemporary literature: Third Person,
Deep POV:
First, what to italicize?
In many ways, Deep POV combines many of the above options, functioning like a
combination of Standard Third Person, and First Person POV.
When you’re writing in Deep POV remember that anything your character thinks, feels,
sees, or hears filters through their head and directly onto the page.
Thus, if it doesn’t have quotation marks around it, it is internal and should not be in
italics.
e.g.
When she opened the door, David stood on the stoop, holding the hand of a
pretty blonde girl. “Hey Lisa. I wanted you to meet my new girlfriend, Alena.”
Why would she want to meet the girl who had his heart? “Hello, it’s nice to meet
you, Alena.”
You need italics when the character is remembering another voice in their head, or
they are unable to voice the words they are speaking.
For example, if a person is remembering something their mother, their pastor, or their
friend said, or something they read, it is another “voice” in their head and should be in
italics.
Likewise, if they are watching someone leave from across the room and are unable to
say, Stop, don’t go! all the while screaming it in their head – that also would follow the
italic rule.
e.g.
When she opened the door, David stood on the stoop, holding the hand of a
pretty blonde girl. “Hey Lisa. I wanted you to meet my new girlfriend, Alena.”
What? No! “Hello, it’s nice to meet you, Alena.”
Or
e.g.
When she opened the door, David stood on the stoop, holding the hand of a
pretty blonde girl. “Hey Lisa. I wanted you to meet my new girlfriend, Alena.”
You can’t keep pushing him away forever. Her mother’s voice echoed inside as
she stretched out her hand and offered a smile. “Hello, it’s nice to meet you,
Alena.”
Think of internal monologue as screaming, or another voice speaking inside your head,
and you’ll get it right.
But what verb tense and should you use?
Here are some rules of thumb:
If your story is in third person, the thought should be in third person.
Consider this thought inside a third person passage:
Wayne watched as Gracie fumbled her way out of the car. I really don’t want
her to leave, because if she does, I’ll be alone and back where I started.
If you were using Distant Third Person, this construction would work. However, for Deep
POV, the thought is jarring, switching between first and third.
Try instead:
Wayne watched as Gracie fumbled her way out of the car. He didn’t want her
to leave. Not really. Because then where would he be?
Do you see the difference? This third person version keeps us in the correct tense and in
the POV character’s thought.
When writing in Third Person, Deep POV, this rule applies to notations like “He thought,”
or “He wondered.” You know who is thinking the thought, so it’s not necessary.
Did he really want her to leave? No, he thought.
Try:
Did he really want her to leave? No.
Not:
He always took a good thing and tore it to pieces, he thought about himself.
But:
He always took a good thing and tore it to pieces.
And you can give it even more impact by converting interior monologue into a
question.
Not:
He wondered why he always took a good thing and tore it to pieces.
Better:
Why did he always take a good thing and tear it to pieces?
If you’re writing Third Person, Deep POV, think of italics as a memory or another voice
speaking inside your head and you’ll get it right.
How do you use Internal Monologue and Tone of Voice for maximum impact?
Internal monologue, then, is about what the POV character is thinking – wishing they
could say, but can’t. It’s the secrets they really can’t put on the page, or the voices in
their head that are reminding them of past conversations.
Internal monologue can also act as the motivator for the next thing that comes out of a
character’s mouth. If your character is going to say or do something that readers might
not agree with, give her a good reason to do so by adding in a line of internal
monologue. Then your readers will get behind her, even if they don’t agree with her.
Even if they want her to throw the casserole right onto the cheatin’ hubby’s nice dress
shirt.
Ask: What is my character thinking right now, and how does it influence what she says
next?
Hint: Limit your internal monologue to within the dialogue scene for the most punch. I
really think that internal monologue in the middle of a narrative is confusing, even if it’s
in italics.
What about internal introspection? I sometimes use this during an Epiphany, when a
character is remembering something he or she said, or something someone said to
them, but even then, I keep the memory in italics, and keep the introspection in
thoughts.
Generally, if there is “screaming in my head,” then I go with italics. Otherwise, I keep it in
regular type.
Example:
No! I thought, please don’t go—
Better:
No! Please don’t go—
And here’s a final caveat:
Good internal monologue should be interspersed lightly, and be only the thoughts the
POV character would think. Same goes with tone of voice—sparingly, but with impact.
Your tone of voice is actually an extension of the thoughts, so often describing it isn’t
even necessary.
Also, one of the fun parts of interspersing internal monologue is that your character can
be saying one thing, and thinking something totally different. His tone of voice can also
convey that.
Some final comments:
He snarled.
He muttered.
He snapped.
He growled.
But, please not:
He laughed. (Not as a dialogue tag. Okay as a sentence.)
He stammered. (You can write the stammering words instead.)
He smiled. (Again, not a dialogue tag.)
But, I’ll let you use, he whispered. Maybe. Once.
Just write he said or she said. And fill in the rest.
Exercise Lesson 31: Add in the Internal Monologue
Internal dialogue is all about what your characters want to say but can’t. If your
character could take the reader aside and tell them what they feel, what would they
say? Add this into your dialogue.
Spark your Story: Submit the revised dialogue (from the previous lesson) with the
internal monologue embedded.