THE 2ND ANNUAL FILM FUN AWARDS FEB 24 2017 OFFICIAL TRANSCRIPT
INTRODUCTION:
“I Wanna Show You Something”
A journey through time and winners, feat clips of previous Film Fun Best Picture winners
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Presented by Mike Spreter and Keaton Ventura
#1 Best Box Office
They say that numbers don’t lie, but those of us who follow the box office know to take that with a grain of
salt. Here are just a few of the numbers we were asked to believe in 2016:
73.2 million
363.1 million
364.0 million
126.6 million
79.2 million
The nominees for Best Box Office are:
“Boo! A Madea Halloween”
“Deadpool”
“The Jungle Book”
“The Legend of Tarzan”
“The Purge: Election Year”
And the Film Fun award goes to:
“Deadpool”
—
Presented by Mike Spreter
#2 Best Leadup to a Movie
For elephants, it takes about 23 months. White sharks, 18. And for humans, a pregnancy lasts nine
months. But movies can take forever just to be born, in some cases, if they’re born at all. The nominees
for Best Leadup to a Movie are:
“10 Cloverleaf Lane”
“The Birth of a Nation”
“Lights Out”
“La La Land”
“The Purge: Election Year”
And the Film Fun award goes to:
“The Purge: Election Year”
—
Presented by Michael Parada
#3 Best Supporting Actor
I’ve always been interested in Morgan Freeman. And the nominees for Best Actor in a Supporting Role
are:
Andre Holland in “Moonlight”
Shia LaBoeuf in “American Honey”
John Legend in “La La Land”
Jeremy Renner in “Arrival”
and Hayden Szeto in “The Edge of Seventeen”
And the Film Fun award goes to:
Hayden Szeto in “The Edge of Seventeen”
—
Presented by Keaton Ventura
#4 Most Purge-Like
We call The Purge a lot of names. The Purge Anarchy. The Purge Election Year. Purge One. Purge
Rulebook. The Purge Drinks. The Purge: Geneva Abstract. The Elkin House. Purge: Guns on the
Seneca. Purge: Wedding.
But tonight, the five nominees for Most Purge-Like are:
“American Honey”
“Bad Moms”
“The Birth of a Nation”
“Keeping Up with the Joneses”
“Sausage Party”
And the Film Fun award goes to:
“Bad Moms”
—
Presented by Greg Fong
#5 Birds
[bird noise] ​Birds. Can’t live with ‘em. Can’t live without ‘em. And you certainly can’t keep them out of the
movies. I’m pleased to announce the nominees for Birds.
Here they are:
Oil Seagull in “Deepwater Horizon”
Becky in “Finding Dory”
Kubo? in “Kubo and the Two Strings”
Seagull in “The Shallows”
Storks in “Storks”
Real Birds in “Sully”
Simulated Birds in “Sully”
And the Film Fun award goes to:
Seagull in “The Shallows”
#6 Best Runtime
A lot of people tried to make movies divisive this year. But there’s one thing they all have in common:
minutes. And generally speaking, the fewer the better. The nominees for Best Runtime are:
128 minutes of “La La Land”
81 minutes of “Lights Out”
86 minutes of “The Shallows”
96 minutes of “Sully”
44 minutes of “Voyage of Time”
And the Film Fun award goes to:
96 minutes of “Sully”
—
Presented by Keaton Ventura
#7 Best Theater
From a small town eight-screener in upstate NY with a no-backpack policy and a purge in its heart… to a
giant multiplex in the exact center of the world. From a hidden figure nestled in the Adirondack forest... to
a hamster cage… to a single-screen Pasadena movie palace where two lovers finally find each other, and
our hearts.
The nominees for Best Theater are:
The Geneva Movieplex 8 - Geneva, New York
The Metrograph - New York, New York
The Regal Union Square Stadium 14
The Rialto - “La La Land”
The Strand Theater - Old Forge, New York
And the Film Fun award goes to:
The Strand Theater from Old Forge, New York. :)
—
Presented by Mike Spreter
#8 Best Brilliance
Brilliance is defined as “excellence or distinction in physical or mental ability; exceptional talent, splendour
or magnificence.” Though tonight’s nominees in the category of Best Brilliance include both the best
movie and the worst movie of the year, there’s something they all share: they’re not afraid to look like
they’re trying.
The nominees for Best Brilliance are:
“Deadpool”
“Fences”
“Finding Dory”
“La La Land”
“The Lobster”
And the Film Fun award goes to:
“Deadpool”
—
Presented by Dasha Nekrassova
#9 Best Supporting Actress
Hello.
Support. In Hollywood we have many words for it. Alimony. A carton of cigarettes sent to a rehab facility.
A wonder bra. None of that applies to these five gifted women whose performances are in themselves a
masterful definition of support. They are the foundation on which so much of their movies are built. So, in
the category for Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role, the nominees are:
Bonnie Aarons in “The Conjuring 2”
Naomie Harris in “Collateral Beauty”
Callie Hernandez in “La La Land”
Blake Lively in “Cafe Society”
and Kristen Stewart in “Cafe Society”
And the Film Fun award goes to:
Bonnie Aarons in “The Conjuring 2”
—
Presented by Andrey Goverdovsky
#10 Best Movie Not from 2015
Movies have been going on for a long time, and I’m not talking about “Silence.” And not all of the good
ones could have come out in 2015, I guess.
The nominees for Best Movie Not from 2015 are:
“Bringing Up Baby”
“The Broadway Melody”
“Casablanca”
“La La Land”
“Notorious”
“Rebel Without a Cause”
And the Film Fun award goes to:
“La La Land”
#11 Best Movie No One Has an Opinion About
Each year, five tremendously neutral movies are nominated by their peers for their stunningly average
releases. For some, this will be the last time their names are spoken out loud.
The nominees for Best Movie No One Has an Opinion About are:
“Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them”
“Finding Dory”
“A Hologram for the King”
“Hunt for the Wilderpeople”
“Loving”
“Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life”
“Pete’s Dragon”
“Where to Invade Next”
And the Film Fun award goes to:
“Where to Invade Next”
—
Presented by Cally Robertson
#12 Best Oscar
We bury our sins. We wash them clean. These are the nominees for Best Oscar:
“Hacksaw Ridge”
“La La Land”
“Manchester by the Sea”
“Moonlight”
“Silence”
And the Film Fun award goes to:
“La La Land”
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SEGMENT: ​In Memoriam
We take a moment to ommemorate the box office fallen of 2016 A.D.
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Presented by Andrey Goverdovsky
#13 Worst Talking
Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn. You don’t understand - I coulda had class. I coulda been a
contender. I’m mad as hell and I’m not gonna take this anymore!
You talkin’ to me?
And the nominees for Worst Talking are:
“Captain America: Civil War”
“Fences”
And the Film Fun award goes to:
“Fences”
—
Presented by Meghan’s friend
#14 Best Other Language Film
Movies are like dogs. They want to console us when we’re sad, and celebrate with us when we’re happy.
Sometimes they want to play ball when we’re all out of energy. We don’t always understand them - but
the least we can do is try.
Here are the nominees for Best Other Language Film:
“The Jungle Book”
“Love & Friendship”
And the Film Fun award goes to:
“Love & Friendship”
—
Presented by Meghan Roche and Maura Mullally
#15 Best Sounds
We hear them every day. The rhythms in the canyons that will never fade away. The ballads in the
barrooms left by those who came before. They say, "you gotta want it more.”
So we bang on every door.
The nominees for Best Sounds are:
“American Honey”
“Arrival”
“Everybody Wants Some!!”
“La La Land”
“Moana”
And the Film Fun award goes to:
“La La Land”
#16 Best Visuals
People want to talk about how movies are shot. But Visuals are about a lot more than that. They’re an
unexpected breeze blowing through your open door. They’re black water seeping through our flatscreen
TV. They’re a black fly in your chardonnay - and you drink it anyway. Because the best movies shoot
back.
The five nominees for Best Visuals are:
“Arrival”
“Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk”
“La La Land”
“Mother’s Day”
“The Shallows”
And the Film Fun award goes to:
“Mother’s Day”
—
Presented by Sophie Corra
#17 Best Script
Staring at the blank page before you. We’ve all done it - opened up the dirty window to let the sun
illuminate the words that we could not find. The men and women behind tonight’s five screenplays did just
that, and we’re forever grateful.
The nominees for Best Script are:
“Bad Moms” written by Jon Lucas and Scott Moore
“La La Land” written by Damien Chazelle
“Everybody Wants Some!!” written by Richard Linkater
“Sully” written by Todd Komarnicki
“So Long, Boulder City” written by Mia Dolan
And the Film Fun award goes to:
“Bad Moms” written by Jon Lucas and Scott Moore
—
Presented by Michael Parada
#18 Best Actor
The ability to express emotion is the hallmark of a great actor. But the emotions you’re not about to
witness won’t be acting. Trust me, I know. You probably remember how wimpy I was, too. The nominees
for Best Actor in a Leading Role are:
Joe Alwyn, “Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk”
Ryan Gosling, “La La Land”
Tom Hanks, “Sully”
Blake Jenner, “Everybody Wants Some!!”
Ryan Reynolds, “Deadpool”
And the Film Fun award goes to:
Tom Hanks in “Sully”
—
Presented by Bridget Flower
#19 Best Director
Dreamers come in all shapes and sizes. Some dream of becoming teachers, salesmen, serious
firefighters. Some dream of creating internert start-ups or running for political office. Some don’t have any
specific reason to dream. They just do. They dream of opening their own abstracting business and
starting a family. They dream that they’ll give birth to more dreamers, that the cycle will continue beyond
them. With so many stuck in the past, we look to our dreams for signs of the future.
Without further ado, here are the five dreamers nominated for Best Director:
Fede Alvarez for “Don’t Breathe”
Damien Chazelle for “La La Land”
Clint Eastwood for “Sully”
Ang Lee for “Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk”
Denis Villeneuve for “Arrival”
And the Film Fun Award goes to:
[Pretend to open an envolope or something]
Damien Chazelle for “La La Land”
—
Presented by Dasha Nekrasova
#20 Best Actress
Rachel McAdams. Lindsay Lohan. Gina Carano. These are just some of the names of the amazing
women who have graced the podium for this category in years past. At the Academy Awards, it’s pretty
rare for the winner of Best Actress to coincide with the winner for Best Picture. The last time this
happened was in 2005, with Hillary Swank and ​Million Dollar Baby​.
Here at Film Fun we do things a little differently. The nominees for Best Actress in a Leading Role are:
Amy Adams in “Arrival”
Sasha Lane in “American Honey”
Blake Lively in “The Shallows”
Emma Stone in “La La Land”
and Zhao Tao in “Mountains May Depart”
And the Film Fun award goes to:
Emma Stone in “La La Land”
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Presented by Mike Spreter and Keaton Ventura, co-founders of Film Fun
#21 Best Picture
Movies don’t expect you to see them. People do. Truthfully, we don’t even expect you to see the five
movies we’re about to announce for Best Picture. But we want you to see them. We want you to
The nominees for Best Picture are:
“American Honey”
“Arrival”
“The Jungle Book”
“La La Land”
“Sully”
And the Film Fun award goes to:
“La La Land”
[CONCLUDING REMARKS]
Just wipe up when you’re done.
And in case an Academy member asks,
Yes, we were serious about all of these.