WRITING STRUCTURED ESSAYS FOR PERSIA
Section IV Historical Periods
The rubric for the NSW Higher School certificate Ancient History paper states:
In your answer you will be assessed on how well you:
• present a sustained, logical, and well-structured answer to the question
• use relevant sources to support your answer
• use historical terms and concepts appropriately.
There are four key factors to consider in all essays:
• structure
• expression
• relevance
• evidence
Structure
Through structure you will ensure that your essay meets the rubric requirement to be logical and well
structured.
Introduction: In the introduction you state your line of argument and identify the main components of
your discussion. The first sentence answers the question by providing a line of argument (a thesis
statement). For example, if the essay question is "To what extent was Cyrus an astute king?" then your
line of argument could be: “The achievements of Cyrus the Great indicate that Cyrus was overall an astute
king capable of establishing stability in both domestic and imperial politics”.
A thesis is not a description or simple restatement of the question. If you write “Cyrus the Great
was an astute king”, you are writing a statement. Make your thesis more challenging. “In establishing
control over the Persians, Medians and an extensive empire, Cyrus the Great was indisputably an astute
king because of his military and political methods”.
Don't state the obvious; it's not necessary to announce your thesis with such expressions as "This
paper will argue" or "In this essay I will show that”. Just state the argument.
The next sentence or sentences identify the points you will develop in the main part of your
essay. Do not write long details here. You will usually have 3-4 points or sections of your essay. For
example, “this is evident in the process by which Cyrus seized control of Persia and Media, his military
and political decisions in establishing Persian sovereignty over most of the Middle East and his
harnessing of Imperial resources in a substantial building program”.
Body paragraphs: Each of the points mentioned in the introduction becomes a section of your essay.
These expanded sections are called body paragraphs. However, it is a mistake to simply describe or write
down all of the things you know about this point. You must answer the question – use your knowledge to
support your overall thesis statement.
A body paragraph should develop logically and be cohesive, that is, consistent in its focus on the
specific topic of the paragraph. To ensure that your knowledge remains relevant to the question, begin
each body paragraph with a topic sentence in which you identify the point and link it to the question. For
example, “The most significant indication that Cyrus was a remarkably astute king was his usurpation of
the Median empire of King Astyages”. This is followed by an explanation of the historical concept or event
or point being made. In your explanation, include actual evidence from ancient sources. Remember that
one of the rubric points is the use of sources.
A body paragraph is substantial. It is not one or two sentences. Your goal is to demonstrate
considerable knowledge, organised into a logical progression through the paragraph. A series of little
paragraphs gives the impression of lack of cohesion, disjointed and collapsing arguments. On the other
hand, if a paragraph becomes too lengthy, that is, over a page, break it into two at a logical point and
include a secondary flow on topic sentence at the beginning of the second section.
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Conclusion: This is a final paragraph providing another overview of your answer. It is a summary of the
key points in each paragraph so it is more than the introduction rehashed. One strategy which works is to
write a sentence for each body paragraph point, and then write a final sentence reiterating the thesis. Do
not write “in conclusion”.
Expression
An essay is a formal response to a set question. You are expected to follow several conventions in your
writing style.
• Do not use personal pronouns such as "I", "we" or "you" in your essay.
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Do not express intentions in your introduction; do not write "In this essay I will show that
sources are very important".
Remain objective but avoid being obscure; use words you understand and not words which you
think are big and impressive but which you do not understand.
A good essay writer uses the language of discussion fluently. This means using words such as “although”,
“however”, “furthermore” and “moreover” appropriately. The topic sentences in the body paragraphs
include flow on words such as “also”, “furthermore” and “another”.
Avoid emotive, overly dramatic language. Your goal is to appear academic and intelligent. Using
words such as “wonderful”, “incredible” and “marvellous” will undermine your credibility. These words
belong to entertainment documentaries not academic essays. Students mistakenly and naively assume
that a marker will be impressed by enthusiastic language!
Relevance
Your aim, by the HSC, is to write 4 to 5 A4 page essays containing a lot of knowledge and discussion to
support your answer to a set question. Your aim is to fill an 8 page exam booklet at least.
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An essay is not a brief. It is an extended response and will be marked accordingly. The rubric
points to a sustained, logical, structured response.
An essay does not contain everything you know about a topic. It is an answer to a specific
question and requires you to decide what is relevant to the question. Part of the skill of essay
writing is selecting relevant supporting evidence and including sufficient supporting evidence to
convincingly prove your argument.
The glossary term used in the question matters. Your answer must fit the term provided;
glossary terms such as outline, explain/account for and assess/evaluate are the most common in
Ancient History questions.
Evidence
The rubric for Historical Periods includes a requirement to incorporate sources, historical concepts and
terms.
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In each body paragraph include examples of evidence from either written or archaeological
sources. Do not finish a body paragraph without including at least one source integrated into the
discussion.
If the question includes a source, you must refer to this source at least once in the answer. You
must use the words “source x shows” or similar explicit references to the source supplied.
Use historical terms and concepts accurately. For example, use the terms “great king”, “satrap”
and “religious tolerance”.
The examination centre comments include: “Better responses contained extensive and accurate
references to ancient and modern sources, used specific and relevant detail and applied terms
and concepts appropriately. Answers placed in the top mark range accessed new sources and
current scholarship to support their argument.”
A warning from the marking centre: many candidates were dependent on information from
general textbooks rather than accessing primary sources and academic scholarship.
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What sources? In a higher level essay, a student uses a range of sources skilfully integrated into
discussion within each body paragraph. As part of your preparation, compile a summary sheet of source
references you intend to use where appropriate in your essay responses. One guide for your summary
sheet is the syllabus listing of topics within the Historical period topic.
Ancient written sources. There are a number of Greek and Persian written sources including:
• Herodotus “The Histories”
• Aeschylus “The Persians”
• The Behistan Rock
• the Cyrus Cylinder
• the royal inscriptions from Susa and Persepolis
• the Nabu-naid chronicle
• the Treasury and Fortification tablets.
Modern historical texts (not school textbooks). Include more recent historical interpretations.
• Olmstead remains an important source despite the age of his publication (1949).
• More recent publications include the work of Dandamaev, Stronach and Weishoefer, and of T.
Cutler Young published in the Cambridge Ancient History
• Websites also contain recent publications:
o Stronach, David; “Achaemenid Archaeology – History and Method of Research” 1998-2008
http://www.cais-soas.com/CAIS/Archaeology/Hakhamaneshian/
achaemenid_archaeology.htm
o Dandamayev, M “Economy in the Achaemenid Iran”
http://www.cais-soas.com/CAIS/Law/economy_achaemenid.htm
o Stronach, David; “Pasargadae” 1998-2008
http://www.cais-soas.com/CAIS/Archaeology/Hakhamaneshian/Pasargadae.htm
o Stronach, David and Codella, Kim; “Persepolis: Parsa Palace Complex” 1998-2008
http://www.cais-soas.com/CAIS/Archaeology/Hakhamaneshian/persepolis.htm
Archaeological sources.
• The significant sites – Ecbatana, Susa, Pasargadae, Behistan, Persepolis, Naqsh-i-Rustam. Include
appropriate references to the actual buildings e.g. Apadana and to the representations on these
buildings such as the glazed brick images and the bas relief images.
• Artefacts such as the objects from the Oxus Treasure, Susa grave and Pasargadae hoard. You may
also refer to Persian style bowls found in Imperial satrapies such as Lydia.
• The Treasury tablets and Fortification tablets are both archaeological sources and written
sources (epigraphical sources).
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Analysing marking criteria
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Answers the set question specifically.
Demonstrates knowledge and understanding of sources and evidence.
Demonstrates ability to judge the value of sources and evidence.
Writes a sustained, cohesive response containing substantial supporting detail.
Uses appropriate terms and concepts.
1. Answers the set question.
2. Demonstrates knowledge and understanding of sources
and evidence.
3. Demonstrates ability to judge the value of sources and
evidence.
4. Writes a sustained response containing substantial
supporting detail.
5. Uses appropriate terms and concepts.
This is an obvious criterion. You will only earn marks for relevant
information.
You will have to include references to specific evidence from
named sources.
You will have to include judgment statements such as "the most
significant".
You will have to write a long, logically structured answer: 6-8 exam
booklet pages.
You will have to use historical terms and ideas accurately in your
answer.
The marking guideline below shows you the groupings of criteria into levels. The marker will note the
criteria at the level you are demonstrating, and then come to a decision about the mark to award your
answer.
MARKING SCHEDULE (using criteria)
CRITERIA
• In answer to the question, presents a sustained and logical argument which identifies key sources.
• Supports argument through detailed and relevant historical information and selects and analyses contribution of
variety of sources.
MARKS
22-25
• Uses a range of appropriate terms and concepts.
• In answer to the question, presents a logical and sustained argument which identifies most key sources.
• Supports argument through detailed, relevant historical information. Selects and describes contribution of a
variety of sources.
• Uses appropriate terms and concepts.
• In answer to the question, presents an argument which refers to a range of key sources
• Provides adequate supporting detail.
• Incorporates some historical terms.
• In answer to the question, presents a descriptive narration of information with some attempt at argument.
17-21
11-16
• Makes limited use of supporting detail.
5-10
• Basic details only.
1-4
• Makes some attempt to incorporate historical terms.
• In answer to the question, presents a limited narration/description.
• Little use of historical terms.
• Too brief to be considered a genuine attempt to answer the question.
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Comments about the exam experience
By the time you face the HSC, essay technique should not only be familiar to you, but should be an
automatic response. The following suggestions are intended to help in preparation for essay writing.
Before the exam gather all notes, assignments, summaries on each topic, and organise them so
they are easily accessible and studied. Read through and clarify anything you do not understand. A
candidate who is prepared tends to be more relaxed in the exam room.
Read the exam questions several times and make sure you are answering the right question in
the right section. Only select the questions which best suit your knowledge. Remember, the question is
the only link the examiner has with you so make sure you read what is being asked of you. If you don't
answer the question being asked, the assumption is, naturally, that you don't know the answer.
When you have selected the question, plan your answer. Your goal is to write a logical essay since
the rubric requires this. First jot down, in your own brief way, all the ideas you think are relevant to the
question. This can be done on the inside cover of your answer booklet. Next look at the question again,
and then sort out the order of your ideas to form a logical, sequential argument. Then, before you start,
add in any extra supporting detail cues. This whole planning process will take five to seven minutes in a
45 minute essay and is a very astute allocation of time.
In writing the essay, consider that the first contact a marker has with you and your ability and
knowledge, is the introduction. Obviously this should directly answer the question. However, it must say
something i.e. present a thesis statement. Simply repeating the question is not an introduction. It should
have impact but not melodrama. Be clear, logical and concise and, above all, answer the question.
The body of your essay is where you fully display your skill and knowledge. As a rule, each
paragraph should centre on one idea or one step in your argument and it must be logically and coherently
supported by evidence. Before you move on to the next point, briefly ask yourself if there is any other
point of evidence to include (written or archaeological).
The last contact with the examiner before he/she allots a mark to your work is your conclusion.
The obvious deduction is that this should receive careful attention. It needs to sum up the ideas presented
and points made. It must agree with the introduction.
Examiners noted in HSC feedback that some candidates did not address the questions asked but
presented a prepared answer. A note of concern was that many candidates were dependent on
information from general textbooks rather than accessing primary sources and academic scholarship.
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