Keeping Up? The Tech Manual on How to be a Man First published 2013 © Copyright 2013 Sam Beau Patrick  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form by any means, electronically or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage or retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher. The Australian Copyright Act 1968 (The Act) allows a maximum of one chapter or 10 per cent of the book, whichever is greater, to be photocopied by any educational institution for its educational purposes provided that the educational institution (or body that administers it) has given a remuneration notice to Copyright Agency Limited (CAL) under the Act.  Beau Patrick, Sam ISBN: 978-0-9807393-7-4 This e-book is dedicated to…   My Nonno and Kalani my magic son. I love you to the moon and back. Mummy xx Introductions  Don’s Introduction If there is anyone who is qualified to write a manual for modern man and the challenges he faces in the 21st century, it is Sam. We (Sam and I) have often spoken about the very real challenges faced by “Modern Man” as he tries to remain a “Man” while adapting to the environment that he finds himself in. I must admit, I too have faced the predicament that many of my “brothers in arms” are continuing to face.  You see, for “Man Kind”, it all started about 2 million years ago. We usually took up with a “mate” (or two) of the opposite gender. In terms of evolution, with this union, certain roles developed. The females tended to the nest (or cave), gave birth and suckled the young while the males predominantly went hunting, fought wars and built things. Subsequently, on a physical level, men grew distinctly larger bodies, facial hair for protection against the environment and developed special skills.  At a far more subtle level, changes began to evolve at a cellular level in response to these different roles. The better hunters and warriors developed a hormonal profile that matched their life’s tasks. The more they hunted and did battle, the greater their male hormone profile became the norm.  Wind the evolutionary clock forward a couple of million years. That’s right, all the way to “now” and ask yourself, “how long has it been since mankind did any serious hunting for survival or did hand-to-hand battle with the stakes set at life or death?” For most of us, “never”. In evolutionary terms, probably only one or two generations back. This probably equates to something like 50-100 years maximum. A mere blink of an eye when compared to the 2-3 million years that humans have been evolving into what is commonly known as “Modern Man”.  In her Naturopathic and Coaching Practice, Sam regularly encounters “Modern Men” whose bodies are totally confused in terms of hormones and gender distinctions. Likewise, women too are moving in response to social and environmental factors toward a more male profile. If we don’t recognise these early warning signs outlined by Sam, we risk our evolutionary path leading us to homogenized population where the biological markers for gender become even more blurred.  Sam’s simple and to the point style makes for easy reading of what could easily become a very complex subject. I hope my mates out in “Man’s World” take heed and do the “Bloke Stuff” that will see them retain their manhood in more than just the clothes they wear and the shape and size of their genitalia.  Don Power Counsellor, Coach and Trainer NS-NLP  From Sam I have wanted to write this book for so long, not because I have heaps to say about being a man, but because I am aware of vast hormones changes taking place in the “Western Man”. How do I know this? I have a natural medicine clinic that specialises in helping people with hormone imbalances. You will find this book very succinct and concise, with most of it in point form. I know you guys are busy and have a lot to do so I just want to deliver fast, useful facts and information that you can start introducing into your every day lives. Today. What can you expect by reading this book? Interesting facts and suggestions YOU NEED to know in order to stay a bloke in western societies and a short chapter on how to handle us chicks. Excited? I am, so with that I will start... Contents Introductions  Chapter 1. From Caveman to Metro-man  Chapter 2. Bat Boy and heros  Chapter 3. Male hormones  Chapter 4. Erectile dysfunction, impotence and sperm  Chapter 5. Dealing with temptations  Chapter 6. Communication  Chapter 7. Sex  Chapter 8. Dealing with anger  Chapter 9. Relationships  Chapter 10. Executive summary  Chapter 11. What you guys have to say  Chapter 12. Recommended resources  Chapter 1  Caveman to Metro-man  Have you ever thought about what it means to be a man? Quite possibly not. I mean it’s quite philosophical and really, why spend valuable time pondering these things when one can just zone out or visit the local hardware shop? After all - where else can you feel more manly than at the local hardware shop? This may sound obvious, but the defining aspects that make you a man are the line and tackle that dangle between your legs. With all the work I have done with men over the years I can honestly say that majority of being a MAN does boil down to your penis and testes and how they influence your mind and body. You see, the testes are the powerhouse for a man. The testes produce most of the testosterone in you ( as well as your adrenal glands and muscles) and this is exactly what makes you a guy. Testosterone governs thoughts, shapes your body and makes you feel like a man. I believe it is the most important hormone for a man. Which is why I was so compelled to write this book. Testosterone levels in many Westernised men are dropping. That’s right, men are becoming less manly! A research paper on The Aging Male (C.Schulman and B. Lunefeld, World J Urol (2002) 20:4 - 10) stated that men and women can expect to live one-third of their lives with some form of hormone deficiency. That’s a worry! I might add here, that aside from being professionally worried about this biological decline, I am also worried personally. I really like you guys being guys, and I think I speak for many women. Although we are demanding on one hand that you become more sensitive, more respectful of us and talk with us more, we really don’t want you to lose that essence that defines you. We like you guys being MEN. Biologically, in order for nature to work we need you to remain men too! So if you have been suffering with metro madness and wondering what man-bag to wear with which shoes, read on. (I am being a little bit covert - metro guys are very nice too, but just be aware that you need to fulfill the man side of you too). Chapter 2  BAT BOY Every guy I know has an alter ego usually in the expression of a super hero (or a sub identity of being a rock star or sporting hero). Why so? I think we both know the answer to that...  How cool would it be flying through the air, lifting train wrecks off tracks to save thousands of lives and wow – experiencing the undeniable testosterone surge . The sense of self is alive and well when we are a super hero.  But how can YOU be a super hero in your every day life?  Surely it’s possible. I don’t mean popping on a worn out Batman outfit, but how can you have the same feelings as Batman, Superman or the Hulk? As well as their bodies?  Keeping healthy levels of testosterone is one way!  I think super heroes all have a few things in common that YOU CAN do and have every day:  1. They all have a strong sense of self 2. They are physically active and have lean bodies (in fact, immaculate bodies...sigh) 3. They are all nice guys 4. They all go out of their way to do good deeds 5. They follow their intuition (okay, they called it their “super hero sensory” in the movies) 6. They are able to switch off from their life saving ventures and return to normal balanced lives when needed  I think it’s important that you still believe in super heroes and aspire to be a modern day one.  Which one will you be? Dream about it tonight. Who knows, you might end up flying out of the window and saving a life or two. Chapter 3  Male hormones Men make lots of hormones, maybe not as many as women, but still a lot more than you are probably aware of.  I want to focus on only a few such as the sex hormones, stress hormones, sleep hormones and sugar hormones.  I am simplifying this chapter a lot so if you are a professional reading this please note it is designed to give a broad understanding of hormones for someone not medically trained.  Most of this chapter is brief and in point form. http://natratech.com/images/HormonePathway2.jpg Sex hormones The main androgens (male hormones) that men make are progesterone and testosterone. Men also make small amounts of the female hormone estrogen. Growth Hormone Human Growth Hormone (HGH) is the hormone that stimulates muscle and cell growth. It can only be purchased through a doctor and used for medicinal conditions legally. In sport it has huge appeal as an anabolic agent and is banned by the International Olympic Committee (IOC) and other sporting bodies. DHEA (Dehydroepiandrosterone) DHEA is a hormone produced by the adrenal glands and is converted in men to become testosterone or progesterone with a pinch of estrogen. This makes it important as an anti-aging hormone as well as essential for good testosterone levels. Low DHEA Levels naturally drop when people reach the age of 30. Levels are also found to be low in certain medical conditions such as diabetes, AIDS, end stage renal failure or when someone is overworked or stressed, and suffering with burn-out . The adrenal glands, similar to any other gland, can become tired and worn out (i.e burn out) or you under function if you are lacking valuable nutrients. When your DHEA levels are low, you may experience: • Fatigue • Wanting to cat-nap at any time of the day • The feeling that you have been deprived of a week’s worth of sleep  High DHEA This can occur in stress, when the adrenals are over- stimulated and if the person is on replacement therapy (creams, bio-identicals, DHEA etc).  Testosterone Testosterone is considered an androgen (male hormone) but it is the basic structure used for estrogen as well. Guys make Testosterone (TT) in their testes, adrenal glands and muscles. During puberty, testosterone surges in your body leading to the development of the external genitalia, secondary hair patterns (head, whiskers, pubic hair, chest hair), spermatogenesis (sperm production), increased muscle mass and behavioural changes. It is responsible for the following: • Libido (sex drive) • Secondary sexual characteristics (pubic and chest hair growth, muscle developments, testes and penis growth, deepening of the voice and growth of bones) • Aggression, mood and self esteem • Muscle mass • Strengthening bones • Protection against heart disease • Hair distribution • Sperm production • AND it calms men  Now, let’s talk about low testosterone. Low Testosterone Testosterone naturally declines with age, when estrogen levels are high, when you are low on zinc, or if you are stressed or are missing a teste. It definitely drops off with age, and most guys notice the decreasing levels in their 40s. This is now called andro-pause (female equivalent is menopause). If you know you have very low levels, discuss with your health practitioner whether further investigation is necessary as to why these levels are low. Is it just stress, poor diet, lack of exercise, or something else? Symptoms of low TT include: • Low libido • Low muscle mass, failure to grow muscle and muscle weakness • Low energy levels • Low mood, depression, poor self esteem, self doubt and anxiety You don’t need all of these symptoms, just one could mean you have low testosterone. There are a few ways to naturally augment your testosterone levels: - Do sport or competitive activities - Increase your muscle mass at the gym - Probably (but unproven): hunting, camping, anything considered blokey and outdoors - you know Bear Grylls stuff. - Supplements : ginseng (especially panax), tribulus, tyrosine, zinc - A healthy, organic diet and extra zinc foods (shellfish, nuts and seeds) - According to John Gray (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus fame), testosterone in men can be elevated at the end of the day by active relaxation. That is cave time put to good use if you ask me! If that’s the case, ladies, let your man have some chill out time at the end of the day. After some chill out time, men will come out of their trancelike, non-communicative state with more to offer and reward himself and loved ones with. Meditation is probably superior than TV but this is for you guys to decide on. High Testosterone Even though testosterone is very important in men, you can get too much of a good thing. Guys with excessive testosterone can have problems including: • Male pattern hair baldness, widows peak or hair thinning on their crown • Acne or pimples on the chin, back or chest areas • Very competitive urges • Aggression, rage and an urge to act out (punch, hit, scream for example) • Sex obsessions and overtness  Estrogen Does it surprise you to know that you also make the female hormone estrogen? I am sure this is why I believe all men can cook, sew and become hairdressers. It’s in all of you. However in recent years, for some men, estrogen levels are too high for the individual. Estrogen is important for men but in small doses. If you get too much of it, it can make you quite depressed, anxious and gain fat. It also affects your fertility chances and can give you moobs (male breasts). As men are gaining more weight and becoming overweight or obese, (above 50 per cent in many westernised countries), estrogen levels are increasing too. You see adipose cells (fat cells) make estrogen and estrogen inhibits you losing weight so it becomes a double edged sword. We will start to see more male breast cancers, prostate cancers as a result, more depressed men, and all the other metabolic health issues that go with being overweight. Being overweight isn’t the only risk factor for excessive estrogen. Estrogen is made from testosterone and if you are low on zinc you may aromatase your testosterone into estrogen. So even normal production of testosterone can result in low levels if you are low in zinc. One of the most common causes of prostate gland growth and subsequent cancer risk, is excessive estrogen, often due to low zinc. Zinc rich foods include: nuts, seeds, shell fish. Hormone imbalances can evolve from pesticides and herbicides used in foods too. You may have heard about the buzz on organic foods and are unsure why they are so popular? One reason is that they don’t use chemicals that confuse your body. This is extremely important in a modern day environment where your body is bombarded with all sorts of chemical inhalants, creams, fabrics and foods that confuse your body. Try to eat organic only. Stress hormones A physical and psychological response to a life threatening situation is extremely important. It is in every person and will kick in regardless. The only thing you can control is the degree to which you stress and the things you choose to stress over. Imagine a BIG grizzly bear jumping out of the bushes and making moves to attack you, potentially kill you and eat you. The way in which your body responds to this scenario, is called the stress response. A stress response is actually quite normal. It is the body’s way of going on alert and preparing all the organs and body parts for a fight (stand up and slay a beast) or flight (run for your life). Even when you are exposed to little everyday stresses - such as changing lanes in your car, taking money out of the bank, or dropping your kids at school - the stress response is activated. The degree to which you feel stressed in situations depends on many things; previous experiences, nutritional state, influence of drugs and alcohol, time pressures, expectations and how much sleep you have had. I would be naive not to mention that we (women) probably impact on men’s stress levels too. Happy wife, happy life seems to be true... Stress activates your adrenal glands to secrete adrenaline and noradrenaline which then orchestrate another series of reactions, including a rise in insulin. The adrenals also secrete the hormone cortisol when you are stressed or anxious. The typical sympathetic nervous system response (which is the medical term for a stress reaction) results in a rise in many hormones. The effects of noradrenalin, adrenaline and cortisol will be discussed here. Ongoing stimulation of the stress response leads to burn out.  Adrenaline and Noradrenaline Have you ever jumped out of a plane, or driven a car really FAST, or been a super hero? All of these things lead to a rise in your stress hormones and testosterone, which can be addictive. That is right, stress can be addictive. I have spent a lot of time with clients talking about the stress in their lives, how they manage it and how to decrease it. It seems that when we are so focused on certain milestones (paying off mortgage, work, KPIs, putting kids through private school for example) we can disconnect with the fine balance that is happiness and stress. Stress can be addictive and can take control of us without us being aware. Stress hormones - long term and unchecked - may lead to high blood pressure, high cholesterol, a feeling of being rushed and unfulfilled, anxiety, impatience, tummy fat, constipation and erection problems. It will eventually burn you out and you will be no good for anyone. Slow down. Work out what is important in your life. If you are unsure if you are stressed then do a saliva hormone test (www. sambeaupatrick.com). The test will reveal what your stress hormones are doing, how much testosterone you are producing and if you have excessive estrogen. Cortisol and melatonin Cortisol triggers the body’s inflammatory response. Naturally high levels of cortisol (either due to stress, virus or another cause) may lead to inflammation of your body. Inflammation may contribute to heart disease, diabetes, arthritis and strokes. It can also lead to general body aches and pains and bowel issues in the short term. Having an inflamed body is tiring. If you feel stiff and sore or have any of the conditions listed above, see a nutritionist and see if you can increase alkalizing foods and get a balanced lifestyle going. It should make a big difference.  Cortisol promotes cholesterol production in the liver. Long term this means you can end up with high cholesterol (and possible atherosclerosis and a fatty liver) from stress. Cortisol releases other inflammatory cells. Long-term high inflammation may lead to many diseases including cancer. Cortisol is released in a standard 24-hour pattern with its peak being at 10am- 12pm. This is when you should feel most alert and have the most energy. As the day progresses, cortisol levels drop off and the opposite hormone, melatonin kicks in. Try to avoid doing work or stressful things late at night. This is out of flow with your natural 24 hour body clock and may inhibit melatonin from kicking in. It is the natural drop of cortisol later in the day that signals to your body to release melatonin.  Melatonin tells your body it is time to sleep. It starts to kick in at 8pm and peaks at 1am. Long-term stress breaks the cortisol-melatonin harmony and results in disrupted sleep. So if you are not sleeping well, it may pay to work on your stress levels. Shift works can experience issues with the natural 24 hour cycle due to confusion with cortisol and melatonin. When you are on day’s off see if you can resume a normal 24 hour pattern.  Sugar Hormones Having some sugar(glucose) in your blood stream is important and on a second by second basis, your body is doing everything it can to keep your blood sugar level constant. What isn’t good for your body is a surge of sugar. This can occur when you eat a pure carbohydrate food such as a can of soft drink, a bowl of pasta, a plate of fruit salad or a beer. Eating these types of foods and beverages (high carbohydrate load) means that your body will need to make lots of insulin. Over time, insulin can become less sensitive to changes and will also trigger fat making (lipogenesis). This is a bad thing in guys because then you start over-producing estrogen... Moobs - remember! Insulin allows sugar (glucose) molecules to enter the cells where it can be used for energy. If this doesn’t happen, a buildup of blood sugar can cause you to have a seizure (not desirable) and even slight rises make people irritable, hyperactive, angry, sleepy or suffer with headaches. If you want to decrease the impact on insulin for the above reasons, try cutting back on carbs. Some of the following tips may also help: - Always combine protein with carbs at every meal (protein foods are animal sources, nuts and seeds and legumes) - Re-sensitize your insulin (chromium, magnesium, herbs) - Use low carb products - Use stevia (sugar substitute) - Limit carbs such as potato, pasta, and rice until lunch, then no more after that - Fill up on good carbohydrates first (aim for 2-3 cups of vegetables and salad ingredients each day, then 1-2 pieces of fruit. - Stop eating breads, pastas, rice, grains and other starches other than vegetables, salads and fruit - Choose soda water with your spirits instead of full strength soft drinks and use lots of ice Comments from Nudge What makes a person decide to change their lifestyle or lose weight? For Nudge it was a whole bunch of emotions which I am sure you all have felt before if you are, or have been, overweight. Being ashamed or too shy to take off your shirt in summer for a pool party. Feeling like you have been hit by a truck every morning and feeling tired and sluggish. Finding an awesome pair of shorts and finding out they don’t make them big enough for you, or, the shirt you want for the weekend that doesn’t fit. Looking at a fit person and wishing you could look like that or have the energy that a football player or athlete has. I can tell you now, wishing for it never got Nudge anywhere. Nudge decided that his life would be more than what it was. He was ready for a change in his lifestyle. He changed his ways to get more out of his life and feel better in himself. You only live once and have one body, so if you want the best from your life, and to feel amazing and alive, make the change for the better. Many people wait til there is a tragic sign in themselves or a family member to make them wake up and make that decision. But sometimes it is too late due to illness, diabetes, heart attack. Nudge has gone from an overweight, unhealthy kid and teenager to a highly-sought after personal trainer helping others reach and maintain a healthier lifestyle. His mates used to call him �Negative Nudge’, and he was. His outlook on most things was very negative and it shadowed the way he held himself in every day life. Now, he motivates people everyday with posters, pictures, quotes, and his training skills to better other people’s lives and make them healthy and happy. If he could give anyone looking to make the change a piece of the way he feels right now for a week just to feel the difference you would all say LET’S DO IT RIGHT NOW! You can do anything you set your mind to. It’s going to be hard work but the satisfaction at the end overrides any pain, sweat or tears. There is a difference between interest and commitment...When you are interested in doing something, you do it only when it is convenient...When you’re committed to something, you accept no excuses...ONLY RESULTS! Nudge [email protected] Chapter 4  Erectile Dysfunction, Sperm and Impotence In the last decade, erectile dysfunction (which impotence is classified as) and sperm anomalies have become more prevalent and are definitely worthy of a chapter. Erectile Dysfunction & Impotence Erectile issues or impotence are commonly called erectile dysfunction (ED). They are becoming more of an issue in men as we up the anti on stress, poor diet and lack of exercise. When you research prevalence rates, ED is definitely more of an issue for men residing in “western countries”. Tribal and second world countries are not experiencing any impotence issues as far as I can see. ED encompasses issues such as early ejaculation, late or no ejaculation, soft penis (impotency) and variations in between. There is definitely an age related link. The older men get, the more they are likely to experience ED issues. Guys with low testosterone and poor venous flow into their bodies will suffer with more issues. There is also a high correlation between ED and coronary artery disease. Some contributing factors for ED include: Ageing, alcoholism, atherosclerosis, depression, congenital abnormalities, diabetes mellitus, obesity, drugs (antihypertensives, sedatives, amphetamines, tranquilisers), hyperprolactinaemia, hypertension, prostatitis, psychological, smoking, stress, drug dependence, environmental toxins, hormone imbalance. As you can see, there are many causes for ED in men. Most of them are modifiable which means you can help yourself through lifestyle Go to a clinic, test your hormones (see my test kit available online www.sambeaupatrick.com) and talk to someone about it. Non-modifiable risks (that means things that are not within your control to change) are: ageing, hyperprolactinaemia (but this is treatable with drugs or surgery) and congenital issues. All the rest can and will improve if you commit to getting a good life coach and health care professional. If you really want to turn your life around for the better, I would start with a doctor (for some baseline tests) and a naturopath to help you with the lifestyle stuff. Then consider a personal trainer, body work person, and maybe an acupuncturists psychologist, NLP practitioner (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), and support group. If you really want to immerse yourself with positive people and make some life changes, join a gym, take up a new sport, look into meditation, men’s groups, or start bushwalking, camping or any other outdoor activity. It doesn’t have to be a massive effort, just a confident decision with the “I can do this attitude. Sperm Sperm are the male eggs and necessary for fertilization of a woman’s egg. Semen is the fluid that delivers this precious cargo to the female’s egg. The average man ejaculates approximately a teaspoon of semen with each orgasm. There are wide variations on this but this is considered the norm. Sperm abnormalities and dysfunction are on the increase and are becoming more of an issue for couples trying to conceive. That’s right, paternal causes account for approximately half of all infertility cases. Interestingly, to have adequate “fertile” sperm you only need 15 per cent of healthy sperm swimming around in the standard fashion (ie one sperm with one head, not one tail and multiple heads). Normal sperm ejaculate is considered to contain 20 million sperm per ml, with >50% motile and 25 per cent of these moving around rapidly. One has to be aware that although sperm might look okay under a microscope, sometimes when the hood of this precious vehicle is lifted up, there is often a dysfunctional engine. I have written more about sperm issues and fertility in my 3rd book Fit 4 Fertility. What’s inside the sperm matters a lot and many miscarriages, birth defects and cancers in children are dependent on what’s under your hood. These are my top 12 tips on making good sperm and feeling great! Good sperm and good testosterone levels come from: 1. Eating lots of zinc. Zinc is the fuel that makes those swimmer SWIM. Zinc rich foods such as shellfish, pumpkin seeds, almonds, walnuts, pecan nuts and seeds and a good male multi (you can find these on my website) are a good sources of zinc. Eat them every day. A small handful of nuts (no salt) should be enough. 2. Protecting your gonads from heat. That’s right boxer shorts are great for want-to-be-dads. Sperm like being kept a cool 32 degrees Celsius (approximately 89 degrees Fahrenheit) hence why they are housed in a sac that dangles free from the heat of the male body. When they are squished up tight against your torso they can fry and become useless. Keep them free and cool. There is also research demonstrating that tight jeans and restrictive male under ware may lead to prostate and testicular cancer. 3. Avoid mobile phones, or laptops on your lap. And any other computer-generated radiation in the vicinity of your spermhousing department. For the same reason as point 2 (above), sperm are very sensitive and will shatter with bombardment of X-rays, gamma rays, microwaves, UHF waves, EMF waves and any other wave you can think of. In the future, I think guys will sit at their office desks with protective lead aprons (hey why not start the trend now) and carry mobile phones in man bags. 4. Stop smoking. It is probably one of the BEST contraceptive methods going (and one of the best and quickest ways to exit life) as it uses up heaps of antioxidants, destroys vitamin C and generally negates any positive health benefits your body can muster. Am I serious on this? Totally! Smoking is an absolute no-no. Throw the fags away today and pretend it never happened. Don’t even become an ex-smoker, just drop the word from your vocabulary. 5. Eat well, exceptionally well. Eat organic, yes that’s right, bring out that man bag again, grow your own and feast on only the BEST nutritious food going. Why? Because sperm and hormones require lots of co-factors and they are certainly not found in take-away foods or bottles of beer. Honour your body. Eat only the best, daily and forever more, Amen. 6. Drink lots of filtered water. Your cells are 60-80% water and function much better when they are not dehydrated. 7. Be a normal weight. Obesity is a sign that your hormones will be out of balance, whether you feel it or not and you will be producing too much estrogen. You can always test your hormone levels (available through www.sambeaupatrick. com) or you can take my word for it. Adipose tissue in both sexes can lead to excessive estrogen production. And for this reason low zinc leads to extra estrogen too. WE want and (need you) to be producing only small amounts of estrogen and loads of testosterone. 8. Do guy stuff from time to time. Hormones are a very integral part of this journey and they are influenced not by just physical states and circumstance but also by psychological situations. Studies have demonstrated that within just a matter of hours guys can lift their testosterone levels through blokey activities. Not necessarily extreme stuff like hunting and gathering, but socially-acceptable stuff like sport, camping, fishing and the like. Hang out with guys occasionally and keep your testosterone levels high. (NB: hot tip - work out with your partner what an acceptable level of hanging-out is. Some women feel threatened when guys hang-out all the time, and rightly so, but the occasional bonding session here and there benefits everyone). Its a couple’s choice. John Gray (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus) would suggest some cave time with active relaxation as it has been demonstrated to increase testosterone levels too. 9. Timing is critical. Sperm take 120 days to make so bare this in mind when you are introducing changes. The sperm you are making today will be the sperm of three month’s time. Make the decision to get healthier today, not in three months time. 10.Supplement for insurance sake. One can’t predict the future, so I guess a few little insurances won’t go astray. Specifically for good sperm, I am a fan for guys being on CoQ10 enzyme. Fish oils are a close second, but all the evidence I have read puts CoQ10 in front. Plus I have seen it work very well. The other supplements I like to see guys on to increase fertility chances and health are selenium and ginseng (especially if there is a testosterone issue). 11.Ejaculating regularly if you are trying to conceive. One study on 118 men (conducted by an IVF clinic) showed that if men ejaculated every day their sperm improved over seven days. Interestingly though, I have heard the opposite from IVF clinics from where I practice on the Gold Coast and they prefer the man to hold off. (If you are trying for a baby, I would be doing what tribal cultures do - they have no fertility issues at all and lots of sex seems to be a key ingredient). 12. Get some daily sun (if you are not in the high risk group for melanomas). Vitamin D deficiency is rampant and diabolical and affects sperm, immunity and other vital functions. So to recap on my top recommended supplements in order of preference: - Zinc 50mg per day - CoQ10 300mg per day - A good general multivitamin (B12, folate, iodine, selenium, lycopene) - Adrenal support if there is stress; ginsengs, tyrosine, tribulus and brassilica extracts to lower high estrogen - Fish oils or krill oil if you don’t eat enough omega-3 acids (sources include deep sea fish, good quality nuts, seeds and plant oils) - Antioxidants or vitamin C or this might be covered with a good multi vitamin (especially if you have just given up smoking a page before this) I think that is it for sperm and healthy . There is a lot more you can fill your head with and the internet is full of information. Try to keep it simple. Chapter 5  Dealing with temptations In this chapter I want to focus on things in your control and how to find that control. I want to mainly talk about lifestyle issues such as smoking, junk foods, watching TV, getting hooked on computer games and the like. I will talk about porn and other dalliances in the next chapter. Apparently God said to Adam and Eve, don’t eat the apple (is that how the story goes?) but human nature has been, and always will be, inquisitive and curious. And, they ate the apple. It seems the more we are banned from something, the more we want it. I will mention things here not so much in a “you shouldn’t do this or that” finger-waving-fashion for fear that you will respond like Adam and Eve (well Adam). I will try the “were you aware of this bit of information?” way and hopefully motivate you to make some changes. (And a little reward doesn’t go astray either!) Smoking Statistically, smoking is 99 per cent related to lung cancer, 96 per cent to heart disease, as well as miscarriages, passive smoking problems that affect others and more. Interestingly, women have been taking up smoking at a faster rate than men over recent years and men are tending to give up!. Junk Food and Takeaway Food The average family is eating out four to five times a week. Chances are you are one of them eating out too. Commonly, we opt for takeaways because we haven’t got any ingredients in the house (ie poor preparation), we can’t be bothered (apathy, lazy or maybe sick), we are time poor (maybe you are committing to the wrong things and food should come first) or you’re simply forgetting. Most takeaways have your daily quota of salt, fat and carbohydrates in one meal! Worse still, they are often so moorish you often overeat and are left craving more. When I have looked into ingredients of common takeaways I am dumbfounded. The use of chemicals, flavour enhancers, additives, and colours is concerning. Even plain old chips can be adulterated with 30 ingredients. I am very passionate about good nutrition and YOUR nutrition. It is imperative for your health, happiness, sex function, a healthy normal weight body, sex drive, sperm, and prevention of future diseases such as cancer, heart disease and stroke. Alcohol Alcohol is drunk all around the world sometimes in moderation and other times in excess. What is excessive? Great question. Excessive alcohol consumption is not being able to have a day off drinking. It’s waking up and having your first thought wondering when you can have your first drink. It’s going to bed every night drunk. Maybe one-two drinks a day are okay and research seems to suggest it is, but more can be catastrophic - especially if you are not paying attention to the other good health issues I have mentioned (such as exercise, meditation, organic eating). There is an exception to alcohol and that is if you are trying to conceive with your partner. Evidence shows that alcohol affects sperm dramatically. It can of course affect erections which isn’t a positive thing either. So take some time off from drinking while you try to conceive. If you are worried that you may have a problem, maybe try stopping for a week, put yourself on a detoxification program, participate in one of the national “no-drink this month” fundraisers, and/or do a bet with a mate. Try to curtail your habits and reflect on how much better you feel. Focus on the improvements, not what you think you are missing out on. Drugs Recreational use of drugs has become very common in younger generations. Well actually, drugs have always been available such as weed and hashish, but modern drugs are laboratory-made and bring with them an added risk. The pseudo pharmacists and lab rats making these pills really don’t have your health at heart. They have money as their motivator and that can be dangerous. Unless you know your supplier and/or have seen where it is grown or made, I really think you are playing with fire. There are of course other obvious reasons not to take drugs, mainly involving side effects, money and expense, behaviour changes, addiction issues and the fact it is illegal. Chat to someone in the health profession if you need help or ideas. Pharmaceuticals Pharmaceuticals are good for certain conditions and sometimes very necessary and life saving. But where there are other options, try to avoid them. Look for natural medicine alternatives and make some positive lifestyle changes. Drug-related side-effect deaths are the fourth leading cause of death (in the USA) behind cancer, heart disease and stroke. It’s crazy to think we are killing ourselves by voluntarily taking something. If you have a recurring issue, try to find the root cause. For example, if you suffer with recurrent headaches, see a chiropractor, an osteopath, a masseuse, get some magnesium from a naturopath or try acupuncture. Maybe have your eyes checked. There are many natural medicine options that are safe, effective and treat the base cause of the problem (so you don’t need to keep taking medicines). Exercise Love it, do it and try to do it daily. Mix it up a little - try some grunty stuff for muscle building and toning and some panty stuff (huffy and puffy) for cardiovascular fitness. Get a personal trainer, join a gym or find a mate to engage in regular activity (eg squash). It’s fun and massively important for your health. Porn and on-line Sex Watching sex on-line has become a big industry and past time for many men. Some find it harmless and claim it helps them, while research is emerging that younger guys gaining their sex education this way have unrealistic expectations of themselves and their partners. I suspect fumbling around and learning sex boundaries and pleasures the old fashion way will prove to be the safest and most realistic. Porn and sex imagery can be distasteful and degrading for women. You may find the women with greatest values are not the ones sending texts to strangers but are indeed the ones waiting by the phone, the old fashion way, for an invitation to be friends first and sex buddies later. Go in with your eyes wide open and don’t think that all women are wired that way. We are not. Gambling This is becoming a massive problem for young men. Gambling spreads across many cultures but it is on a rapid incline in my home country Australia. This is due to the very addictive nature of gambling and the accessibility to gamble. You can gamble online at any time of the day and you can bet on anything. First goal, last goal, first three horses, mystery bets, and on it goes. The lure of winning some quick bucks is hard to resist. Activities like gambling can lead to a short term increase in testosterone and cortisol but can leave a vaccum as soon as the rush dies off. Leaving you craving more. It’s this nasty cycle that gets people hooked. Gambling often requires supervision to get “unhooked”. BUT, like everything else listed here, if you fill the void with an all-consuming healthy lifestyle and fun activity, (things you are passionate about), then you will not miss it as much. Computer Games Much like gambling, computer games can become very addictive and are the biggest time wasters. I refer to these activities as red light activities in my stress seminars and blogs. They have no positive benefits - no physical benefits, no personal development opportunities and unfortunately they don’t improve your socialising skills nor hormones. If you are hooked on computer games try to find another hobby with a mate. Try to decrease time playing the games or give it away for awhile. Drug use in Sport and Steroid Use The biggest worry to me, is the use of anabolic steroids. It’s a massive issue because many guys want to look buffed, feel agro and feel like a man so they are taking exogenous (introduced) hormones - mainly testosterone derivatives. This reliance on external testosterone sources denies your body the opportunity to make it and eventually it slows down making testosterone. Testosterone boosters are diabolical for the body as it will grapples to keep up with the metabolism and excretion of them. The body and hormones are designed around feedback systems. So if your body thinks you are making enough testosterone (because you are taking it) then it will not manufacture as much. This applies to any external (exogenous) source of hormone supply. You run the risk of switching off natural production of the hormone and can becoming reliant on the external source. Natural medicine theory helps your body makes its own levels and this is far superior if you ask me. Steroids can reduce the size of your penis and testes and can give you man boobs (moobs), impotence, depression, aggression and cancers. The anger and outbursts associated with steroid use are very real and very common. It is called “roid rage” and is frightening to witness! I have witnessed ,and heard about, guys just “snapping”and I am sure some killing rampages are due to an acute spike in testosterone (natural or otherwise). I don’t understand why you would risk putting your body through these deadly side effects to look good but I am not a guy so I will never fully get it. Medically supervised steroid use is quite different, but you still need to make sure your zinc levels are good and that you are not getting a build up of estrogen. How would you know about estrogen? You could get your doctor to check with a blood test but estrogen is poorly picked up in blood tests. A saliva test is best. This is from a blog I wrote about Lance Armstrong and drug enhancement: World Cycling is reeling in a pain as golden boy Lance Armstrong is busted for alleged blood doping and taking sports enhancing drugs! The US postal service have posted this press release. It’s like the time in your life when you found out that Easter Bunny doesn’t exist but you keep on pretending and playing the game because you love the fantasy so much. I, like many small time athletes/sports people, want to believe the awesomeness of Lance Armstrong. We want to believe that he fought cancer and came back and won the BIGGEST bike ride in the world (Tour de France). Unfortunately I think the honeymoon is over and we have to accept that, as great as he is, his demi-god status is defunct as the evidence and testimonies from witness is mounting high. What drugs has Lance been implicated with and why are they used? Erythropoietin EPO  (Neo recormin) Erythropoietin factor occurs naturally in the body and is nicknamed EPO, E, Po, Edgar, “Edgar Allen Poe”. It is a hormone that is released in your kidneys in response to low haemoglobin. EPO stimulates the body to produce more haemoglobin. Haemoglobin is the oxygen carrying molecule in the blood so having more means you have greater oxygen carrying ability which means you will perform better. It is used medicinally for correcting anaemia in renal failure patients. Any sport that requires significant aerobic or endurance fitness would benefit from EPO (triathlons, cycling, rowing). It’s pretty hard to pick up on in urine tests. In 2000, better tests were introduced to screen for this form of blood doping but there are ways to disguise its use. Testosterone Testosterone is naturally occurring in both sexes and is a hormone produced in the testes, adrenals and muscles in guys. It helps with muscle mass, mental health (competitiveness) and muscle strength. Some athletes inadvertently run their levels down due to high-training commitments. Its nick name is “oil” as it is often combined with an oil and allegedly (although I am not sure how it is pharmacologically possible unless you rub it into your gums) bypasses the liver so more of the steroid is absorbed. Andriol is the most common alternative to testosterone injections and this is how easy it is tofind on the net. I simply typed in �Andriol’ and voila – I can buy steroids online. The side effects of extra testosterone is wide and dangerous (shrinking testes, cancers of the prostate, testes, rage /roid rage, anxiousness and breast development. It can also affect your voice. Human Growth Hormone (hGH) HGH occurs naturally in the body.  It is made legally for people with low Growth Hormone but is used in sport to help with recovery , muscle mass and strength. It can be given as an injection. Cortisone Another naturally-occurring hormone in the body is cortisol. It is secreted in the body in times of stress and naturally rises every morning and peaks during the day. It is responsible for giving us energy, is anti-inflammatory and helps with recovery. In my Health Queen clinic I use natural ginsengs and L-Tyrosine to help the adrenals make more cortisol especially if the person is run down or over-training, this is legal. Used as an injection into a joint or body area, can lead to decreased inflammation, decreased pain and possibly increased healing and can be considered illegal depending on the sport.. Unfortunately, with longer term use of steroids in this way, the surrounding tissue becomes weaker and leads to chronic injuries. Cortisone (e.g. Kenalog, Celestone) can also be used to reverse auto-immune diseases, give energy and treat other disease states. Blood Doping This is when your collect a sample of your blood and have the red blood cells extracted and later re-inserted into your body. This gives your body extra oxygen-carrying capacity which helps performance and recovery. The main advantage of this doping method is that it is undetectable as it is your own blood and is natural. Lance was reportedly found to have had blood transfusion equipment in his hotel during the 2005 Tour de France. I can’t help to think that Lance is still a great rider. But the reality is, there is a lot of money in this sport and blood doping has been too accessible. I feel that some of the sweetness of Lance’s 13 Tour appearances and seven wins is now sour, but find it hard to write him off completely as an inspiring sports person. Much like Carl Lewis and Flo Jo. Apparently one third of all Tour de France winners have later been found to be drug cheats. I might finish by leaving you with the following: 1. Some banned drugs in sports are not really “enhancers”. (I felt very sorry for some athletes being disciplined for minor pain relief pills). Blood transfusions and taking testosterone is obviously “cheating”. 2. With steroids (Deca, Test etc) being so easily available online, many young men are taking them to augment their development in their teen years and to bulk up. This is so very dangerous. There are too many dangerous side effects. 3. Steroid fall out. When I witness bouncers and other people fighting, you can tell whether they are on steroids. Roid rage is alive and kicking. So if you are thinking of taking steroids, talk to people who are using and those who have tried it and find out why they stopped. It is illegal and is not encouraged by anyone in the medical field unless it is for medicinal uses (not sports-enhancing purposes). Chapter 6  Communication It’s fair to say that big words are scary. And...well, “communication” is a big word. Let’s break it down and have a short chat about what it is to communicate. I think this picture says it well. … and communicating. That’s the essence of why it can be handy learning better communication. It can give you that deeper more fulfilling life experience and usually more rewarding relationships. Experts tell us that communication is a two way exchange of thoughts and ideas and involves great skill. Hmm. Fair enough. Let’s look at how this can play out: “ I’m off to the shops to buy two apples” You go to the shops, buy two apples and come home. Effective communication? Yes, you stated you were going to the shops to buy apples, and came home. BUT as women, we would like you to say... - “Can I go to the shops to get two apples and while I am there, would you like me to get you something?” And instantly you can see where things fall apart. You may forget to ask (I know you shouldn’t need to), you may forget to add the “would you like” part and golly gosh you may forget to fulfill the request if there was one, just because you forgot. I see why communication is hard. Years ago I read a book called the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. What it taught me was that we can communicate in very different ways to those around us. The author put it down to five ways and calls each a “currency”. We all apparently have a love tank and when ours is full (of our specific currency) it makes us feel loved and we innately make people around us feel loved by giving them their currency and inadvertently fill up their love tanks and so the cycle goes. But if our love tank is empty we retract. Let me explain more. The five currencies that we can use to express love (gratitude, happiness, acceptance etc) are: 1. Acts of service (such as: mowing lawns, making a cup of tea, massaging, washing dishes, ironing clothes, getting extra things from the shop or even doing the shopping). 2. Words of affirmation (for example:you look great today, thanks for doing such a good job, I love you, I care for you, I feel fantastic around you) 3. Quality time (bushwalking, cinema, coffee and newspapers, walking on the beach, hanging out together) 4. Gifts ( flowers, chocolates, ties, shirts, cards, balloons) 5. Physical touch (holding hands, brushing hair, touching your back, stroking feet, rubbing, touching, sitting side by side and sex) It’s important to work out the main way you communicate and the people around you (especially your partner). You see it goes like this: “I’m off to the shops to buy two apples.” Acts of service: “Would you like something else while I am there?” (And make sure you do it) Words of affirmation: “Sweetheart, do you mind if I go to the shops, I won’t be long and gee you look fantastic today”. Quality time: “I’m going to the shops to grab some apples, did you want to come with me, we could grab a juice on the way back”. Physical touch: Kisses before you go, a hug and the same on return. The same thing will happen - you will get your apples, but the household will be full of love and happiness. Does it sound a little contrite? Maybe it is, but I assure you the benefits will be long worth it. No fighting, lots of love and you will get back what you like too, maybe even sex . It’s good to work out the important people in your life. Kids are normally a combination and need cuddles, but my three kids already have different polarities. One likes to be told how good he is, how strong and fantastic, the middle girl loves cuddles and spending time with me while the eldest loves gifts, cards and random presents. The more I give them of what they like, the happier they are. Find out what your boss is (OK be careful if they are physical touch a gentle touch on their elbow might be adequate), your mother-inlaw, your parents, your wife or girlfriends and mates. I have found this to be one of the best communicating tools I have ever learned because you see communication is not just about words. It’s about intent and energy. Giving more of something to someone who doesn’t want it will not give you points. You need to give someone what they want and then communication will be strong and you will ultimately get more of what you want. Before I sign off on communicating, can I suggest that you use your words diligently. Words are an expression of our thoughts and emotions and can be powerful at making others feel good or bad depending on your word selection, tone and delivery. Pause before saying something hard (maybe write it), listen to others use of the words think/feel and use the word they chose and lastly, try not to spit words out. When we are angry it doesn’t matter so much the words coming out of our mouths but the anger behind them. No one likes being told off or yelled at. Effective communication will be your greatest tool and learning how to use your words, your tone and body language is worth reading up on. You may wish to get your partner to read this, because experts are right, communication is a two way thing. Chapter 7  Sex The participation in sex and sex acts (masturbating) are very important for a male. Guys have two testosterone peaks a day and this means (aside from the minute to minute sex references that is very normal in a man), he will have an urge twice a day. With later years, this urge can shuffle to be one and in the middle of the day but this is not in hormonal sync with your 24-hour body clock. Sex first thing in the morning is best. How do you find a partner who is willing to have sex one to two times a day? Great question. When I talk with women in my clinic many are content with a once a week interlude. I encourage them to go for daily and if I think they are up for it, I suggest twice a day. The reasons for my enthusiastic encouragement is multiple. Sex doesn’t just mean the man ejaculating. It refers to anything sexual. Massaging, foreplay, masturbating, oral sex and intercourse, watching porn (and maybe more). For women, sex starts with a rise in oxytocin - our love drug. This can be generated by a hug and acknowledgement or good deed. John Gray suggests trying this winner line “... you do so much for so many people, let me give you a hug.” (By the way, if you are looking for a great read, John Gray’s series on women and men is very insightful and practical!) For men, sex is a way of life. It boosts testosterone, gets rid of some and makes YOU feel good. For women, sex can be a chore, it can be painful, unfulfilling and even demeaning. Not many women that I know, fit the movie sex scene images or Youtube clips. They don’t always feel sexy, horny and loved. Most feel exhausted, overweight, under-appreciated and unloved. Yes, I am speaking for many women here... So in order to get what you want, which is probably more sex, refer back to the chapter on communicating. Go in with a “how can I make her feel loved, appreciated, sexy, energized” mindset. Find out what she is missing in her day and see if you can Help her out and then she will reward you. For women sex is an expression of our love and commitment and we want sex to communicate all of those things back to us. Sure, physically it can be rewarding, but more often than not, we do it to show our love. If we are not feeling loved, there ain’t no way you are going to get any! Once you have mastered this first step, all sorts of possibilities will open up. Bedrooms (and other venues) can be heaps of fun and when you have a loving, willing, play mate and sex can be very spicy and rewarding. Dress-ups, videos, role play and other such things are possible when your partner is connected with you. Give it a go, what do you have to lose? Which brings me to the latest faux pas of society – the internet is educating our younger generations on sex and relationships. Fifty years ago, people found out through trial and error with mixed success. Then in the 80s and 90s, people were encouraged to discuss bedroom activities. Find out what the other person’s desires and wants and give feedback. Now days, young girls and guys are watching explicit sex acts, or watching Hollywood movies, thinking life is about wild sex, women having orgasms all over the place, threesomes, big appendages and all sorts of “unreal” things. I think, in particular, young people need to have it explained that great sex is a culmination of two-way communication, the right partner and the right expectations. Aim too high and it may disappoint you. Aim for mutual reward and you should both fall asleep with a smile on your dial. PS: I nearly forgot to mention the best tip of all for wooing a woman. Women have this uncanny habit of trying to do 30 hours of work in 24 hours. From stay at home mums to busy executives, it’s just how most of us are wired. If you can help us free up some of that time, say, by doing something we had on our list, then sex is more likely. If you want two to three hours of sex, call in a babysitter, organise a night out, get a cleaner, do something to make that time for us. Because remember, having a clean kitchen bench is more important to many of us than sex so you need to help us a little. Unfortunately, telling us the kitchen bench can wait doesn’t cut it. Make it clean and see what happens. (I have no idea why women are wired that way, we just are). Chapter 8  Dealing with Anger Anger is a feeling we all experience from time to time (unless you are a Buddhist monk , but surely they have lost it at least once in their lifetime)? Don Power (the man who wrote the foreword for this book) is a great mentor of mine and has contributed this section on anger. From Don: Anger, like fear, is an emotion. As emotions, they have the ability to stimulate our hormonal balance by increasing adrenaline and cortisol levels. It is a biological response that sets forth a huge shift in our overall level of arousal. In the case of anger, we immediately get a shot of adrenaline and our cortisol levels raise so that we can stand and fight a real (or perceived) threat. This biological response is leftover from our ancient past when the rule of the jungle was “kill or be killed”. The truth is ,today, for most of us, in most parts of the modern world, the need to kill or be killed isn’t real.  These emotional reactions also shut down our ability to think rationally. Deep within the limbic portion of our brain is a “switching” mechanism called the “amygdala”. This small part of the brain (about the size of an almond) determines whether we stop and think something through rationally, or, do we react in a defensive or even aggressive way to survive a perceived threat. This process of the amygdala taking over is known as an “Amygdala Hijack”. It is correct to say that we don’t make our best decisions one the amygdala takes over.   The truth is, we often make our very worst decisions once the amygdala takes over. We say things that we usually live to regret. Often we wish we could take back the words or deeds we said or did in that emotional state.  So how do we deal with an unwarranted emotional reaction. Firstly, learn to identify the signs, recognize the triggers in yourself and your environment. When we see our partner or a good friend as an enemy, when a simple comment becomes a threat to our well being. These are very common signs that the amygdala has taken over. If you feel this is about to happen, take a deep breath, and slowly release it (sigh) and force yourself to think the situation through. Often, simply asking yourself “What else can this mean?” shows us that we have misinterpreted the intention of another.  All too often, these emotional reactions have us playing out an old, established pattern that has been deeply ingrained from earlier years or even childhood. Knowing that you have outgrown the need for these angry, emotional reactions is critical to dealing with anger and other unwanted emotions. If you are having trouble “breaking” those old habits, we suggest that you contact a coach or counsellor experienced in dealing with these specific interventions. These types of issues are usually dealt with in one or two counselling sessions and it is well worth the investment when you consider the difference that you’ll experience once the old pattern is gone.  Awaken The Warrior Within This section has been contributed by James Greenshields James Greenshields’ background: I’m an ex-Army officer, served in Iraq, developed post traumatic stress, got incredibly angry, almost lost my family, chose to recover, did, now own my life and have an amazing connection with my wife and two daughters. I had to learn how to be a real man, not a boy. I did it the hard way. Now my wife and I run resilience programs helping people, including veterans, recover from depression and anxiety, including Post Traumatic Stress. I also run a men’s program called Awakening The Warrior Within. The Warrior: What is a Warrior to you? How does it relate to you, if at all?  The Warrior symbolizes that inner part of each of us who stands and defends our boundaries, fights for the King, or higher cause; that cause being our higher or true self.  A Warrior acts from love, a devotion to the higher cause that brings forth a bravery revered by even his greatest enemies. The harnessing of this powerful energy can be like the greatest of waves propelling him forward in quests and great valour, but always in truth.  For if a Warrior serves an unworthy King, or no King at all, then he becomes destined to fight for power and greed. He becomes no more than a mercenary. This unworthy King is a self hijacked by emotions, bounced around in life by others with no real foundation of who he is or what he stands for. He becomes a soldier sent out to fight other people’s battles, whilst failing to see the battle raging internally. And when he returns from this fight, he sits exhausted, questioning – is this it? What are we fighting for? And a loss of faith takes hold. Unbeknownst to him, it is a loss of faith in himself.  Yet we are not told of this inner fight. We are not equipped with the strategies and tactics to conduct this battle. So we turn away and either deny what is going on for us, or get consumed by these apparently useless things called emotions. A warrior’s fight is conducted with honour: by a code. This code is truth. Ensuring that the battle is complete, the enemy dealt with in full. Yet the enemy is not another person, or group. The external simply represents some enemy within. A harboured or suppressed emotion/s that again, unbeknownst to us, directs everything we do.  The code of truth ensures that in the fight, no other person is harmed. No blame or responsibility is thrown to another to take. The honour in the fight is speaking a Warrior’s truth in defense of their King, their Higher Self, so that the inner boundaries are defended, but never for the conquest of another. For if the aggression has transition from defense to conquest, if this line has been crossed, the code has been broken and the Warrior has turned into a soldier or gun for hirer. Our fight starts young. Before we conscious know what is happening. We choose “guardians” or parents to assist us grow. To explore our own inner landscape and understand where our boundaries lie. Unfortunately, guardians often don’t fully understand the role they taken on, and their actions violate and squash our inner selves. We are shamed and decide to feel unworthy or inadequate. We allow our code to be taken from us and start to operate by another’s code. Yet this code is tarnished by that person’s life journey. It may not be the truth. We grow up thinking it’s ours, but something just doesn’t fit. Something is not right. We may dogmatically defend this code, because we believe that it’s what we stand for. For if we don’t stand for it then who are we really? And that question is a place we may not want to go because it brings feeling of being lost, confused or invalidated. But nothing could be further from the truth.  Then it happens. We realize that this guardian did the best they could with what they had, but their code is not the truth – It is not mine. And so begins the quest of finding ourselves again. Reuniting with our true King; our true self. This can be a scary quest as no map can show the rough terrain. And the terrain itself can change in an instant. What we need is a compass. And that compass will keep us on the heading – our heading. The journey is full of wonder, and at times, loss and disappointment. The joy of doing something in line with our code. Standing firm in the face of that person who’s always tried to push us around, or make us wrong. Making that career decision for ourselves and our family, not the organisation. Saying no to that needy friend, so that we can just have some well deserved quiet time. The disappointment and loss often comes with awareness of seeing how we’ve chosen to operate our life in the past. Sadness can flood in at the perceived loss of identity. Letting go of that friend or changing career. Then a huge sense of power comes when you don your suit of armour for the first time and you truly step into your own power. A feeling of knowing, of trust, and of invincibility. For you are now ready for a battle that you cannot loose. The battle to safeguard your inner beauty. For no one can harm you, unless you choose to let them.  Understanding you control three things in life is the action of donning your armour – Your Thoughts, Your Words and Your Deeds. And that is your territory.  To go on a journey of conquest is to believe you can control another person. That is the realm of the mercenary, not the Warrior. The excerpt I have provided is the opening to the program’s workbook. Website: http://turiyaconsulting.com.au Happy and safe battles. James Chapter 9  Relationships I will say up front that I am not a relationship expert and yet, in my clinic, relationships and work are the two biggest stressors I help people deal with. Funnily enough both of these will make or break your life and are both by choice yet so many feel trapped and unable to change them. I subscribe to the philosophy that you can live your life by design and if you haven’t got what you want, or don’t thrive on what you have, or it’s really not bringing the best out of you or others, then go about changing it. It simply means try to spend some time (traveling and going away for a weekend or week is best) and write down, talk it out, find out what makes you happy, then try to work your life around your design Maybe you thought a 9am-5pm job, a wife and two kids would make you happy. Maybe you are doing that now and it really isn’t cutting it for you. I guarantee if it’s not cutting it for you, then it won’t be for everyone around you . It takes courage to live your life by design. It takes courage to say “sorry, I got this wrong, it’s not you, it’s me”. It takes clarity to find out what really makes your mind tick and your heart sing. And it takes a massive commitment to yourself to lead the best life you think is possible. Do you have those things: courage, clarity and commitment? By the way, I didn’t intend for them to all start with the letter ”C” but it does make things easier. If you can’t categorically say yes to all of the three Cs, then take that weekend away on your own. Go fly fishing, parachute jump out of a plane, go and visit your grandparents, just remove yourself from your every day and live your life with passion, unreservedness and honesty and reflect on your life and work out what would make the dynamic happier. Relationships and work are two of the greatest sources of stress that I see people deal with. The other big issues is finances. Continually work on your relationships - that is what people who have been together for 50+ years tell me is their secret. They work out quickly set roles, open communication and don’t walk out on, but work on, their relationships. (Once again you may need an expert to help out. Go for it, do it. What do you have to lose?) Chapter 10  Executive Summary I know for many of you just reading this part and not the entire book will be a step forward. These are the take-home grabs. 1. Keep your testosterone levels high (do sport, do action stuff, hang out with other guys, do meditation, eat zinc rich foods) 1. Look after your body (eat organic foods, hormone-free meats, exercise daily, drink water and address addictions) 2. Continually work on your communication and relationships. Not because you are bad at it but because communication and relationships are being dragged along with the IT revolution and are changing. Things are changing! What used to work may not work any more 3. Keep your estrogen levels in check (keep your weight normal, eat organic only, avoid hormones in meat, eat zinc rich foods daily, get vitamin D from the sun when you can and balance your time with active relaxation). Chapter 11  What you guys have to say  The Male Responsibility – handing down of the family baton I invited my dad to an international test match in 1999. It was a thrilling game but at the last minute we lost by one point. The local crowd was very disappointed but the level of play and entertainment value was unbelievable. It was the first time he had ever come with me to a game like this. He had normally been a spectator at some of my games.  After the game he turned to me and said, “Now that was great, I want you to bring your mother along to these types of games when I’m gone she would love it.”  He was about 67 at the time and I wondered for a minute what he meant by “When I’m gone” so we discussed it, but he wouldn’t come out and tell me that he was dying although I guessed as much. I was kind of pissed off that he couldn’t talk to me about this. I was also disappointed that I couldn’t bring myself to ask him more about his cancer, what the Doctors had told him, or any �How Long have you got?’ type questions. He was a mountain of a man and everyone loved him - the people who worked for him, his mates, us kids, and mum of course. He had a soft nature and was a kind man.  Being an ex-policeman I had been around death and had to handle delicate situations on many occasions but this was on another level there was something inside that held me back. I think back now and know it was the - “hey my dad is bullet proof, nothing can hurt him, she’ll be right mate!” or “No not him surely”. Within two years he had passed away and the family was around his bed when he took his last breathe. I was crushed inside to think that I no longer had a person to look up to in my life. He spoke to my two boys (his grandsons) before he died and he told them things that I wished he had told me, but he knew I was there listening and taking on board the advice he was giving to two teens and his 40-something boy. It dawned on me that I had this responsibility of being a leader to them, a person to set examples for. There was no introduction, no lessons. It just happened without thought. I had inherited this mantle after his last breathe. I thought to myself, “I want to be straight up and honest with my sons” (not that dad wasn’t) and be able to share delicate life moments like this. I want to be able to tell them that I’m there for them or that something is wrong. Being a man is being able to share those emotions with your son and knowing that you have prepared your son to handle those emotions. The other hidden agenda amongst this story is men don’t go to their Doctors early enough or share their problems before it’s too late.         Anon  Modern Relationships – what are you guys meant to do? I think another thing that is hard for a man is what women want him to be. Rugged, gentle, metro? It seems the gender roles have become confused! Because of the modern world, and even the economy, the nurturing role of a woman and the protector/ provider role of a man are blurred and neither sex are fulfilled! I saw it first hand in the 70s with Germaine Greer, burning the bra - equality! Suddenly females in general were empowered and tried to take men on...head on! Lots of confrontation leaving men without their genetic purpose. Being equal was one thing, but getting back at men for their perceived suppression was another. I have dated a lot, and I have seen a lot of hidden anger and confusion. If people could only accept and celebrate the differences in our genders, rather than exploit or dislike, the world would be a better place. Guys are fairly simple - give them a set of rules and it’s plain sailing. As I say to my current girlfriend, “the round thing on my shoulders is not a crystal ball, no second guessing or I should knows. Say it, simply, concisely, and without malice and you may be surprised with the result”. Women certainly are tougher than men, we may have a good act but we are butter inside. Be gentle. - Anon  How and why exercise can be important Regarding depression, I think talking it out with other men that had experienced the disconnection and mild depression helped immensely. I also visited a psychiatrist who, after a few tests, informed me I was ADD/ADHD and OCD jackpot, ha ha, that just gave me a name for how I am as a person. My fitness activities helped and more-so; a good diet! No alcohol and or drugs even stimulants such as coffee or Guarana helped. Clean body, clean mind. I dip back into a mild depressive state when I’m stressed, and I still feel I was affected emotionally somehow when they played with my heart...that I can’t explain, but people who have had heart surgery would understand. I think being aware of any illness and the triggers, certainly helps to keep a good state of mind. Hanging with positive people, and having good mentors - especially older people who have had the experience of time on this earth. The water, and being immersed in it, feels like it cleanses me as well. I get a sense of connection to the power of the universe. When it’s small, it is calming, and when it’s big and I’m at battle with it, I get a sense of control over an extreme situation, a rush that feeds my need for excitement and the calm from the endorphins that kick in after the adrenalin hit. Sometimes I’m most at peace in the most dangerous situations for example water speed skiing! Sometimes I didn’t even know I had finished the race until they stopped the boat. So these days it’s a bit of a lottery to see who I weigh up to and how I deal with it. No one would know, just takes a bit of negotiation with myself everyday to get in gear. Split second, one minute or 1one hour! Could be worse, I have a friend who is medicated. He said he would rather feel a little nutty than not to feel at all. Definitely the sense of vulnerability is hard as men do feel invincible. As I age I don’t feel the need to prove myself, I just do my best on any given day, it’s a way easier place to live than to be in constant competition with yourself or others. It has also taken away the alpha male magnet I have had all my adult life - always being a target for other males to mark their territory. I used to treat it as a game as they weren’t even aware why they were doing the macho thing. I think the handful of males I hang with now, are very open and aware. I certainly prefer the company of females as there is no one-upmanship towards me and everything is so in depth and detailed. I’m quite often the token male in a table of 10 women. Anyway...off for a paddle to cleanse off the week. Anon Heart attacks and depression I just came out of hospital on Saturday night after a rather rushed stent put in to the main coronary artery as it was blocked all the way. The med team were brilliant , mainly because I had chest, arm, hand, shoulder pain for the last five days, and being a bloke I �knew it would go away on it’s accord eventually’. Right! Well, the Doctor said on Wednesday night, when I went in, that this would have been my last night if I didn’t get to the hospital when I did. It took him a while to clear it and get the stent in, but it’s all good now. I reacted different to when my friend had his heart problems. He seemed to go through the same withdrawal and depression as I did when I was knocked off my motor bike by a semi trailer. At the time of that incident, I was playing rugby, was a state champion kung fu instructor and enjoyed running, riding and gym work. This was all taken away in one hit, as it may have seemed for my mate when he had his heart problems. I hear of many guys going through depression after life changing events. In summary, I guess it is dependent on what you have to lose as to how long your recovery takes and how you deal with it. But I am glad we are both here to talk about it. - Anon REAL MEN DO PILATES TOO! What do rock legend Ian Moss, swim star Eamon Sullivan, golfer Tiger Woods and world iron-man champion Shannon Eckstein have in common? They all practice Pilates. The surge of popularity that Pilates has enjoyed in recent years has been powered to a large extent by female participants and instructors, leaving the impression that the Pilates method is well… girly. A few facts about the history and benefits of Pilates may provide some �credibility’ for us �meatheads’. • Pilates was invented in the early 1900’s by Josef Pilates – who was a boxer • It has been used to train army troops and interned prisoners • Professional athletes use Pilates as a key ingredient in their training regimes. Around 85 per cent of the population will experience Low Back Pain (LBP) at some point in their life. If you have had an episode of LBP there is a 72 per cent recurrence rate. While there are many reasons for this - including tight hip muscles, poor posture and occupation the main reasons are previous injury and core stability. Core Stability is a term that gets thrown around a lot in the fitness industry. When I ask my clients what they think Core Stability is, the answer is often �strong abs’. Not so! Core stability is really the interaction of four muscles – the diaphragm, pelvic floor, and two very important muscles called Multifidus and Transverse Abdominus. Research into the rehabilitation of LBP has shown that when you have LBP or a previous episode of LBP, you will lose activation of these two important muscles. Now if these muscles are not re-engaged and retrained, your spine will lack the stability that it needs to perform any daily activity – from reaching for your coffee cup to lifting a heavy box. This will inevitably lead to a recurrence of your LBP. Pilates is the best modality to retrain these muscles and consequently reduce your re-injury risk, while having the added benefits of improving flexibility, pelvic stability and correcting posture. Pilates emphasises moving from the centre of the body, the powerhouse, to stabilise the trunk and protect the back. This kind of core training makes Pilates an excellent technique for wholebody fitness, as well as a foundation for cross-training with other kinds of sports and exercise. So what does a Pilates class involve? While dressed in Lycra, the first part of the class involves talking about your feelings and each class ends with meditation. JUST KIDDING! In a Pilates class with a Physiotherapist, you will be introduced to a variety of Pilates machines, such as the Reformer – which sounds like a torture device – but is a spring-loaded machine with pulleys. There is also the Cadillac – which some say reminds them of the device Jean Claude Van Damme used to stretch out on in Kickboxer. These machines allow you to perform literally hundreds of variations of exercises. Pilates relies on high repetitions with low resistance, with the primary goal of maintaining perfect postural alignment. This means correct curvature of your spine and controlled breathing. By striving to keep correct alignment, you are constantly readjusting your body and tensing your postural muscles. What I consistently see in the practice is a muscular male who can �squat the house down’, but is unable to perform an entry-level Pilates exercise. Put simply, Pilates works muscles in a way that cannot be achieved in the gym and because you are on a moving platform, you need to activate your core to avoid falling on you face. In my consultation room, I sometimes interchange the term Pilates for �active rehabilitation’ when outlining my management plan to some men (so as not to scare them off). As they finish a class dripping with sweat and muscles trembling, the feedback I receive from my clients is one of shock and surprise on just how CHALLENGING Pilates is, to the point there is NO shortage of real men doing Pilates in my practice. Josef Pilates Justin Mistry is Director of two Physiotherapy practices on the Gold Coast – Back In Motion Sorrento and Mermaid Waters. He has a passion for the management and rehabilitation of LBP and neck pain. He freely gives his time to educate other health professionals and the general community on the role of Physiotherapy in achieving great health. [email protected] www.backinmotion.com.au    The Maturing Man (or Growing Old Dis-Gracefully)  He had begun to mellow a little of late. Maybe it was the bypass surgery or the longer-than-usual dry spell that Brisbane had been experiencing. Some may even have begun to call it a drought. He seemed to almost be replaying his life, remembering his childhood, early teen years and even his first job as a roustabout at the age of 13.  I can still remember the very words that he spoke; “I don’t know where the last 20 years had gone”. How could it be that this short sentence, a simple comment really, that to him it was intended to put vice to his reflective mood, was, to me, a bombshell. Like a landmine exploding under me. How could it be that we saw things so differently. After all we were of the same stock. I had his blood in my veins. It was often said that I was “a chip of the old block”.  You see, my Dad had lived a most interesting life. We had never really been close. In fact I would go so far as to say that we saw each other as opponents for the affections of my Mum. The distance between us had shrunk somewhat as we both matured. So much so that here was my Dad, at the age of 80 was beginning to open up to me. And at the same time, here was his son (me) at the age of 60, beginning to see his Dad as someone with feelings, appreciation of the good times and even some regrets of what could have been.  From my side, as a father of four myself (and grandfather of 10), once again, I was seeing life in a different way to the life that my Dad was seeing. When he uttered those words “I don’t know where the last 20 years had gone”, he was looking “back” at those 20 years. He saw the past rolling out behind him. He saw (and remembered) many events that involved me, my sister and our kids. He remember moving down to Brisbane from Harvey Bay, my Mum, especially when she was well. His total focus was on what had already happened. I’m sure that as he looked at me he was seeing a 60 year old version of himself.  From where I was sitting, as I looked at him, his frailty, the slight tremor, the gasping for breath, the stooped posture and it all came smashing in on me. I was looking forward 20 years and seeing myself in him. And I thought “Oh My God” the difference is 20 years. That’s right, He was just 20 when I was born so here he was, 80 years old, I was 60 and I had just received one of the greatest lessons that he could have provided.  All of a sudden, with such a seemingly simple phrase, at the ripe of age of 60, I was reminded to value the time I have left. I began to create a future that included family, friends and travel. I began to put appreciate all that I have been able to accomplish - and consider carefully how I could pass this message on to the next generation. My life and the years I have left began to take on a whole new meaning.  He continued looking back upon his life for another few years. Occasionally he looked forward and I really think it scared him, thus his reluctance to do so. When his time came, I found that he began to live his last days and hours in the “NOW”. He began to appreciate small things that, up until this time, had gone unnoticed. A gentle touch, a hug or an embrace, the taste of icecream, a blue sky or the shape of a cloud that suggests a rabbit and we all laugh. Simple things they may be, yet these treasures are often overlooked by those who dwell on another time.  He finally realised . . . . and with that realisation he gave me the greatest gift, that all we really have is “NOW”. He had lived in “his” past and from the brief glimpses that any of us were able to see, it was painful for him and by association, those who were closest to him. It was almost like magic, as he let go of his past, his mood became lighter, warmer, to the point where muscle cramps began to abate, digestion improved and other biological symptoms began to fade into insignificance. It was an amazing transformation to have the privilege of being witness to. Amazing as this was, the real magic was yet to come.  His last days and hours, while heavy with significance, seemed to be the warmest and most tender that I am able to remember. While he opened up about “stuff”, it was just that, old stuff that he almost dismissed with a tone and gestures that released any tension that had previously trapped him. Even the significant future that he knew he was facing, seemed to be of little importance. He was truly living in the now that remained.  So, how did these last few days with my Dad allow me to grow old dis-gracefully? He showed me how to let go of the old prejudices, while looking forward, living very much in the “NOW”. Enjoy the moment for what it is. Happiness, real deep happiness and gratitude can only be appreciated in the “NOW”. It took him over 80 years to realise this wisdom. He passed that on to me in his last days. I now have many years ahead of me to pass this wisdom on to those who are important to me. My children, grandchildren and great grandchildren will benefit from his wisdom.  I learned from him that it can be very liberating to laugh at the craziest things. To let the child emerge and even be a silly old man. It’s actually great fun. I’m able to get away with things I never thought possible, simply because I live in the now. Those old regrets that I’d carried around with me have disappeared and become learning lessons. Very valuable learnings. The desires and desire, cravings and yearnings have become aspirations and goals but without the pressure. I’m able to enjoy the journey for what it really is. I can celebrate the small stuff with glee, delight, pleasure and joy.  The real fun begins when those closest to you begin to live their lives in the “NOW”. When the whole group lightens up, becomes self “unconscious” and simply plays. As a group or gathering we seem to appreciate each other’s joy. This can be a little unsettling for those who may be unfamiliar with the concept of being self “unconscious”. The looks and facial expressions seem to read “What are these people on?”  So he finally let go of the now that we’d enjoyed in those last weeks. Even though he’s gone we are able to reflect with joy, warmth and love. My dear old Mum began joking about silly things that he would do as she too began living her “NOW”. My Mum went a couple of years later and I must admit that the teachings that Dad was able to share with us all made that process far easier too. Chapter 12  Recommended Resources John Gray John has wonderful easy-to-read books on relationships and identifies that men and women think and feel differently. That’s right, we are NOT the same. Understanding the nuances can change your relationships and life for the better. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman can give you some great tips. Face Book: The Health Queen Blogs: www.sambeaupatrick.com �The Way of the Superior Man’, by David Deida has been suggested as a good read About the author Sam Beau Patrick runs her own business as a consultant in the area of natural medicine and nutrition. She is an author, lifestyle coach, speaker, naturopath and nurse.  Sam wants to inspire and empower people around the world to seek possibilities that open doors and paths to health and happiness for that individual, rather than seeing people settle for the “my doctor said there is nothing I can do about it” disposition.  Her consultancy business, The Health Queen Clinic, is based on the Gold Coast, but her client base stretches the world over, as people seek her advice locally and abroad. In her spare time she enjoys sport and drawing.  Acknowledgements Thank you to all the people around me who support me. You know who you are but especially my kids. A BIG thank you to the guys who have contributed to this book. It’s not something you get asked to do every day and I appreciate that you had faith in me and the book. And a BIG fat thank you to you, reading this. Aside from having fun writing this book, there would be absolutely no point if it was never downloaded or picked up the shelf and read. I trust there will be a pearl or two tucked away in the pages and if that’s the case, this book has done its job.  Spread the word (or this book) guys. We (us chicks) really want you to stay MEN! And I know you do too.
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