This Week`s Calendar

Fruit and Veggie Jokes
Great for Halloween:
Q: What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A: A neck-tarine!
Q: How does a ghost eat an apple?
A: By goblin it!
Q: What is a ghost’s favorite fruit?
A: Boo-berries
Q: When is an apple a grouch?
A: When it's a crab apple!
Q: What do you call an apple that plays the trumpet?
A: A tooty fruity!
Q: What did the apple skin say to the apple?
A: I’ve got you covered
Q: Why were the apple and the orange all alone?
A: Because the banana split
Q: What is King Kong's favorite food?
A: Ape-ricots!
Q: What do two bananas do when they meet each other?
A: A banana shake!
Q: What kind of shoes are made from banana peels?
A: Slippers!
Q: Why did the banana go to the doctor?
A: Because it wasn’t peeling well
Q: What did the banana in the sun say to the other banana in the sun?
A: I don't know about you but I'm starting to peel!
Q: What key do you use to open a banana?
A: A monkey
Q: What’s a tailor’s favorite kind of vegetable?
A: A string bean!
Q: What kind of vegetable is jealous?
A: A green bean!
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Bean who?
Bean a while since I last saw ya!
Fruit and Veggie Jokes
Q: Why did the people dance to the vegetable band?
A: Because it had a good beet
Brussels Sprouts
Q: What is green and goes to a summer camp?
A: A Brussels’ scout.
Q: What’s the strongest vegetable?
A: A muscle sprout
Q: Why do cabbages win at races?
A: Because they know how to get a-head!
Q: What is a taxi driver’s favorite kind of vegetable?
A: A Cab-bage!
Q: How did the farmer fix his jeans?
A: With a cabbage patch!
Q: What did the Mama melon say to the baby melons boyfriend?
A: You Cant-Eloupe
Q: What did one carrot say to the other carrot?
A: Is it orange in here, or is it just me?
Q: What did the other carrot say back?
A: Hang on a minute while I root around for the answer!
Q: What kind of flower should never be put in a vase?
A: Cauliflower
Q: What vegetable might you find in your basement?
A: Cellar-y!
Q: What is brown, hairy, and wears sunglasses?
A: A coconut on vacation
Q: What kind of vegetable is the most likely to be a rock and roll fan?
A: An ear of corn!
Q: What does corn say when it feels embarrassed?
A: “Aw, shucks!”
Q: Why is it not wise to tell secrets in a cornfield?
A: There are too many ears!
Q: Why did the corn stalk get mad at the farmer?
A: He kept pulling its ears!
Q: What does Cornelius call his silly friends?
A: Corn flakes!
Fruit and Veggie Jokes
Q: What does corn get when you leave it in the barn too long?
A: COB webs
Q: What did the little cob of corn call his dad?
A: Pop Corn!
Q: What do you call corn that joins the army?
A: Kernel
Q: Which vegetable has the best hearing in the field?
A: An ear of corn.
Q: What does the rooster say to wake up Cornelius Corn?
A: Cob - a - doodle - do!
Q: Where do cucumbers go for a date?
A: The salad bar!
Q: What school subject is the fruitiest?
A: History – because it is full of dates
Q: What is a chicken’s favorite kind of vegetable?
A: An egg-plant
Q: What’s purple, delicious, and fun to decorate for Easter?
A: A hard-boiled eggplant!
Q: What happens when you sit on a grape?
A: It gives a little wine!
Q: Why aren't grapes ever lonely?
A: Because they come in bunches!
Q: Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road?
A: Because he ran out of juice
Q: Which vegetable can’t you take on a boat?
A: Leeks.
Q: What is a kayaker’s favorite kind of lettuce?
A: Row-maine!
Q: What did the salad greens say to the hungry kid?
A: We’ll make your mouth and your tummy happy, if you lettuce (let us)!
Q: Knock, Knock
Who’s there? Lettuce
Lettuce Who?
A: Lettuce in and you’ll find out!
Fruit and Veggie Jokes
Q: What did the lettuce say to the celery?
A: Quit stalking me!
Q: What did the salad say to the dressing?
A: Lettuce be friends!
Q) What room can be eaten?
A) A mushroom!
Q) Why does Ms. Mushroom go out with Mr. Mushroom?
A) Because he is a fungi (fun guy)!
Q) What do you get when you cross a potato with an onion?
A) A potato with watery eyes!
Q: Why did the man at the orange juice factory lose his job?
A: He couldn’t concentrate!
Q: Did you hear the joke about the peach?
A: It’s pit-iful!
Q: What are twins’ favorite fruit?
A: Pears (pairs)!
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas (peace) on earth!
Q: Why do vegetables want that so much?
A: Because it will give them peas (piece) of mind!
Q: What do you get when two peas fight?
A: Black-eyed peas
Q: When is an apple not an apple?
A: When it’s a pineapple!
Q: What kind of fruit do trees like the most
A: Pine-apple
Q: What kind of fruit can fix your sink?
A: A PLUM-ber
Q: How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?
A: With a pumpkin patch!
Q: Why are radishes smart?
A: Because they’re so well-red!
Fruit and Veggie Jokes
Q: What’s the coolest vegetable?
A: A rad-ish!
Q: What is small, red and whispers?
A: A hoarse radish!
Q: Why were the strawberries so upset?
A: Because they were in a jam!
Q: What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
A: Straw-berries
Q: What’s a dancer’s favorite kind of vegetable?
A: Spin-ach!
Q: What’s the most uncomfortable kind of vegetable?
A: Spin-ouch!
Sweet Potato
Q: What did the sweet potato say to the pumpkin?
A: I yam what I yam
Q: Why did the Tomato go out with a prune!
A: Because he couldn’t find a date!
Q: How do you fix a broken tomato?
A: Tomato paste!
Q: Why was the tomato blushing?
A: Because it saw the salad dressing.
Q: What did the father tomato say to the baby tomato whilst on a family walk?
A: Ketchup.
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Turnip who?
Turnip the radio please!
Q: What kind of vegetable likes to look at animals?
A: A zoo-chini!
Q: What is a zucchini’s favorite game?
A: Squash!
Jokes were taken from:
в–Є Alexander The Grape: Fruit And Vegetable Jokes by Charles Keller. Englewood Cliffs, N.J., PrenticeHall, c1982.
▪ Dole 5-A-Day website ( Cornelius Corn’s Corny Jokes